


Silver Linings

by MintChocolateLeaves



Series: Mint's Long-Fics [14]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Multi, Sexual Tension, Youtuber AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-06-23 16:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 51,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15610389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MintChocolateLeaves/pseuds/MintChocolateLeaves
Summary: No one is really expecting popular Youtubers - The Anderson Triplets - to meet upcoming vloggers Jericho. But as soon as it happens, ships start to escalate, people start to fall in love, and the online community starts to talk.-All because of a video in which Connor defenestrates himself, Nines enlists the polices' help to break the law, and Caleb... is Switzerland. Youtuber!AU.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a 2pm yesterday. It's now 4am and I've got nearly 11k worth of content. Why am I only able to write so much when it's crack-like content? Either way, enjoy the fic!  
> -  
> Note on names:  
> Connor-60 is called Caleb. RK900 has the nickname of 'Nines', his real name is yet to be disclosed.  
> -  
> [Sphere_Kagamine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sphere_Kagamine/works) threw the prompt of 'youtuber!triplets' at me on discord, and I simply wrote.... this. XD  
> -  
> *A note. Each video is loosely based on videos from YouTube. If you want the links for each one, I’ll link them in the description. As such, there might be lines that filter from the videos into the fic.

"Listen, I'm not trying to say I'm the best triplet, but I do have the most subscribers, so that must mean something-"

"Fuck off Connor," Nines says, crossing his arms. He's the stoic type, entirely unreadable even for their more loyal viewers. Still, Connor's lips only lift up at the response. The camera catches him as he rushes his brother, hugs his shoulder and pretends to apologise. "I'm not kidding, fuck off Connor."

"Listen," Caleb says, his voice audible but his face not visible off the camera. They're in his apartment, and as such, they can hear the light purrs of the many cats that he's adopted over the years. "Connor has a point. Our worth is based entirely off our subscriber count. Obviously."

Now Nines glares past the camera. Caleb lets out a laugh.

"You can fuck off too Caleb." Comes Nines' response.

Now Connor leans forward, taps a finger against his brother’s nose, as if scolding a cat. Nines leans back, looks almost as if he wants to throw a punch, before shaking his head. They're on camera, and seeing as their dad's a cop, Nines should know that he shouldn't leave such simple evidence.

"You know..." Connor says, and looks back at Caleb. He beckons for the other triplet to come to the other side of the camera. Despite the three looking so similar, Caleb is entirely recognisable, distinguished from the others. Maybe it's the undercut he's gotten recently, but mostly it's the body language.

With all the cat's he's got, he's slowly adapted to their behaviour. As such, when he arrives on the couch with his brothers, he seems to stretch out, before dropping across the laps of both of his brothers.

Caleb answers the prompt that Nines refuses to. "Do we know what?"

"You know, if you let your viewers know what your name was," Connor continues, hand automatically running through Caleb's hair. It's instinctual, or maybe, like everyone online, he's started to associate his brother with a cat too. "Then you might get more subscribers Nines."

Nines huffs.

Ever since they'd made their individual debuts on Youtube four years before, Nines has never declared his first name. At first, people had thought it was because he wasn't actually real, was the result of a joke between Connor and Caleb, but when all three had shown up at comic con together, the public had quickly realised he was, in fact, real.

Now, there were theories on the man's name. Was he like his brothers, with a 'c' lettered name. Or was his name related to the title Nines? No one outside of the man's social circle knew, and even then, no one was willing to tell.

Nines looks at the camera and shrugs his shoulders. He says, "my name is Nines. Everyone knows that."

Connor smiles. He pats his brother's head, keeps doing so until Nines swats his hand away, lips tightening.

"He's so uptight," Caleb grins. He's quickly pushed off his brother's, letting out a yelp as he falls to the floor out of the camera's view. His hand slowly raises back onto the screen, almost weakly, as he lets out a small groan of, _I could tell them all._

"Well," Connor says, glancing at the floor with a mixture of mirth and worry. "We're the Anderson triplets, and I think it's about time I just skip on to our intro."

The video fades and brings up the Anderson triplets' logo, a small circle that flashes between three colours. Blue shows small clips of Connor from previous videos, yellow shows Caleb with many... _many_ animals, and red shows Nines.

* * *

The video starts with Nines face on the screen. He looks very serious, sincerity on his face. From the way he's crouching down, looking at the camera, it's obvious that the person filming must be their youngest brother, Cole. The lights are dim, suggesting it's evening.

"So," Nines says, his voice inflecting no humor. Sometimes, people refer to him as robotic, but more senior viewers have developed the ability to read the mischief in his eyes, the slight quirk of his lips into his own version of a smirk. "Connor and I were talking recently..."

Behind the camera, Cole giggles. He's currently nine, and while he is present in many of Connor's and Caleb's videos, Nines has him as his most frequent guest. Nines beckons him over, and Cole leaves the camera on the stand, rushing to join his brother.

"Tell 'em!" Cole says.

"It was about my name again," Nines sighs. Shakes his head. "And we came to a deal. Cole... a drum roll?"

Cole drums his hands on his jeans. His smile seems too eager in light of his brother's lack of emotion, but somehow, excitement seems to fizzle between the two.

"Connor says if I'm unable to kidnap his three times in a week," Nines says, "then I must declare my name to all of you."

Cole chirps up now. He says, "but if Connor loses, then he has to get a tattoo!"

Nines does not openly smile that often on camera, but as Cole says that his brother might have to get a tattoo, he offers a smirk that could be borderline psychotic.

"So," Nines says, crossing his arms. "Cole and I have come up with some interesting ideas for tattoos, and I'm going to get started on trying to kidnap my brother."

Now, Cole skips back to the camera, and it moves, shaking as the two stand. They're at Nines' house, and as they move, the camera catches small hints of pictures in the sitting room. There will doubtlessly be screenshots flowing around twitter and tumblr following this video, but he doesn't care.

There is a challenge now, and all their viewers know that Nines always plays to win.

"Here's the thing," Nines says now, heading into his study. There's a desk, and just past that, there's a small board, pieces of paper and string pinned up. "Connor thinks that he's going to win because I need time to prepare. But Connor, big brother, I've been planning this for weeks."

Cole lets out a small cackle from behind the camera. He seems to have learned it from Nines, because previous videos have recorded such a sound.

"Come on Cole," Nines says, turning from the camera to look at his wall of evil kidnapping plans. "It's time to kidnap Connor."

The camera cuts out.

* * *

The scene that shows next, shows only the back of Nines' head. The camera is following behind him, jumping in a way that suggests it's being held. Which isn't much of a shock, seeing as they're walking down one of the halls of the office the boys usually work in.

When they'd decided to work full time as YouTubers, Connor had declared the need for their own space to write and film their videos. Since then, they've had a group of offices, a place where they can create sets for their sillier videos, and their own desks to focus on writing scripts.

"Am I allowed to add a commentary to this," Caleb says from behind the camera. His voice is lazy today and looking at the time stamp that shows on most of their challenge videos, it's obvious why. It's half eight in the morning. Out of all of the Anderson children, Caleb is the one who most resembles their father when it comes to the hatred of early mornings.

Tiredness clings to his voice, making it deeper.

"If you fuck up my kidnapping attempt," Nines says, "then I'm stealing your cats."

An affronted gasp. Caleb says, "you wouldn't."

Nines shrugs. It is entirely impossible to tell whether he's being serious or not. Either way, as they stand outside Connor's office, met by two others that Nines has managed to get to help, Caleb remains silent.

_[The clip very quickly jumps to Nines sat at his desk, leaning forward. It's like a scene from the office, where he's been cut off from the scene to give his own thoughts. To his side, there's a small box of writing, with the words 'Nines - Criminal Mastermind' in white across the screen._

_"I had to go all out for my first kidnapping attempt." Nines says. He shrugs his shoulders. "I wouldn't be respecting my brother at all if I didn't."]_

The clip goes back to shaky footage, Nines looking through the door's window. They've laid down rules already, things that were explained at the beginning of the video - no physically hurting each other, Connor can only wiggle out if apprehended. And if Connor calls for help, he's immediately considered kidnapped.

Other than that, Nines only has to move Connor from room to another against his room for the man to consider himself 'kidnapped'.

"Alright you two," Nines says, nodding at the two that he's been joined by, "go do your thing."

The door slams open, and Connor turns to see two police officers raid the room. They can be identified as Detective's Tina Chen and Chris Miller. They move so quickly that Connor doesn't really have much time to react, raising his hands in confusion first.

"Connor," Tina says, "I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to come with us."

_[The video quickly flickers back to Nines sat in his chair. The man shrugs, says, "I have friends in the police. Why wouldn't I use them?"]_

The video quickly reverts to the offices, of Connor's confused expression as Tina clicks handcuffs on Connor's wrists, forcing him to stand up. Chris grabs onto his arm, and Tina grabs the other, forcing him towards the edge of the room.

"I'm sure I deserve this," Connor says, causing a small laugh from Caleb. "I don't know what I've done, but I probably deserve this."

He only seems to remain neutral however, until he notices Nines standing by the door. Then, his expression morphs, from the cheery confusion to one of shock. Then, to a slight outrage. It seems... unusual on his face, such an expression.

"What the fuck _*bleep*?_ " He must say Nines' real name, because as with every other video where people say his name, the word is bleeped out with a duck horn, "the police?"

Nines offers a wide grin. Watches as his brother tries to squirm out of the police officers' grasp. However, the two detectives are efficient with their work, and manage to get him out of the room despite his best efforts. By the time he's out of the room, Connor has disregarded the previous rules and is kicking out to be let go.

"You gave me a challenge Connor," Nines says, "and you know I always complete my mission. That's one point to me, and it's only Monday."

Connor stops kicking. He narrows his eyes, competitive personality seeming to kick in. Nines knows that this immediate act, the kidnapping, is only going to leave his brother more paranoid, is only going to make kidnapping him again more difficult, but he allows himself to revel in his first success all the same.

"Can you guys take the handcuffs off now?" Connor sighs, although he's smiling, grinning at his brother. It's not his usual cheery smile however, but rather one that says he won't allow this to happen again. Tina takes her time unlocking the cuffs, but eventually, his wrists are free again. "You're a dick."

Nines shrugs, knowing to deny such a fact is only going to waste more time.

"And you," Connor says, pointing towards the camera now, to Caleb stood behind. "You've betrayed me."

The camera shakes that has been shaking with laughter, quickly comes to a stop. Caleb says, "ok, but he threatened to steal my cats. My children come first."

Connor shakes his head, lifts his hands up pointing two fingers at his own eyes, before pointing them at Caleb. The universal sign of _'I'm watching you'._

* * *

_[When the video cuts to one of the triplets this time, it's Connor. He's wearing a black hoodie, has black bags under his eyes and wears a black beanie on his head. If there's any word to explain how he looks, it's jumpy. Beside him, there's a small box with the words 'Connor - Paranoid - written in it._

_"Am I going to admit that maybe this challenge was kind of stupid?" Connor stares at the camera, lets out a yawn. "No. But, I think my blood is more coffee than haemoglobin at this point, so who knows?"]_

* * *

The screen cuts to the Anderson household, to Connor standing in the middle of the kitchen holding a saucepan and jumping every time there's the slightest movement. Sumo, the family dog, seems to find this alarming, as every time he approaches for pats, Connor flings himself away.

"I'm sorry Sumo," Connor says after a moment. "What if they've turned you against me."

Hank, who's been standing watching him from the counter, turns to the camera and says. "Nines hasn't made any move to kidnap Con in two days. It's Wednesday and I think it's starting to freak Con out. He's not slept since they started their little bet."

Connor finally relents to smoothing Sumo, seeming to decide that the animal is incapable of scheming against him. The dog seems to calm down as he is given pats, although Sumo's gaze remains rooted to the saucepan in Connor's spare hand.

"Dad," Connor says, gaining Hanks attention from the camera. Hank seems nonplussed by the entire thing - like he wants to be amused, but is also starting to grow worried as well. "Which side are you on?"

Hank pauses. "I'm on Sumo's side. I guess."

Connor throws a betrayed look at his dog. Tries to push the St. Bernard away, only to receive the dog's whine and a betrayed look from the dog. Even though he has always been the triplet who's received the most love from Sumo, the paranoia seems to have wrapped around him. It's the fault of sleep deprivation. Even now, Connor's usual excess of energy has started to dwindle into sleepiness.

"I knew it." Connor says, wagging a finger at the dog. "You are on a side Sumo. I'm - this is horrible."

Hank shakes his head, huffing out a laugh.

"Sumo's on no side Con," he says, shaking his head. He leans forward on the counter, watching his son. It's impossible to tell whether their father has had to deal with something similar before, or whether he's just generally used to the irrational acts of his son in general. "Like I'm on no side."

"You know what, I don't trust you Dad." Connor says, twitching slightly. "For the rest of the week, you're not my dad, you're Hank - potential betrayer."

Cole shuffles onto the camera now and looks over at his brother. "Con-Con... I think you need to sleep if you're not even trusting Dad..."

Connor bites his lip, looks at his younger brother. All of the triplets are protective of Cole, they'd been teenagers when they'd been told they were going to have a younger brother, and it's this protectiveness that leads Connor to overlook the devious side to the nine-year-old.

It is the idea that Cole is innocent, that lead Connor to allowing his brother's words to settle in his mind.

"Cole - I'm about 90% certain that Nines put a camera in Sumo's dog collar, so he could watch my every movement." Connor shakes his head, although his trust in his younger brother allows Cole to come forward, tugging on the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Sumo doesn't wear a collar." Hank says. "Not unless he's going on a walk."

Connor glances at Hank, then at Cole and says, "I think I need a nap."

Cole nods his head, his eyes wide. Beside him, Sumo trots towards his bed, collapses on it and watches them from the living room. Hank yawns too, as if the tiredness is spreading from his son to him.

"You and I both Con'," Hank says. "Cole needs to get to bed too, it's too late to let this fucking game affect you both. Get some sleep, you're gonna collapse."

Connor eventually decides that Hank is probably right. Remaining awake is only going to leave him less able to react properly when Nines comes after him. As such, he runs a hand through his hair, finally nods.

"I'm going to go bolt the doors shut," Connor says. He only hesitates when Hank puts his hand on Connor's shoulder, shaking his head.

"Cut it out," Hank says, "And go to sleep."

Cole tugs on his brother's sleeve again, offers somewhat of a soft smile. He says, "you can sleep in my room tonight, if Nines comes, I'll beat him up for you."

Connor smiles at the sentiment, offers a breathless laugh. Eventually he nods, agrees to what everyone knows is probably a bad idea. Now, Cole turns, rushes back for the camera, and picks it up, following behind his brother. It's only the fact that Connor is so used to being followed by a camera, that he doesn't realise there's something suspicious going on.

Hank however, can be seen raising an eyebrow at his youngest son. Since he's remaining impartial however, he shrugs half-heartedly, the movement unnoticed by both his sons, as he heads towards his own room.

"The two of you," Hank says, "just go to fucking bed. Alright?"

Connor nods, and he heads up towards Cole's room. The younger brother follows behind, the camera following the man's back, minimal conversation as they head up into Cole's bedroom. Connor pushes open Cole's bedroom, takes a step in without registering anything else.

The camera switches now.

A hand reaches up to click on the light, except it's not Cole's hand. Is too big to be that of a child's. Nine's stands opposite his brother, and Connor only seems to notice as he turns. Nines' grin is wide enough to be considered haunting.

Connor turns, and it is obvious that he's expecting to see Cole, and not Nines. He jumps back, almost catlike in the way he moves - Caleb would be proud - and lets out a sound that many would consider a scream, but Connor will go on to call 'manly surprise'.

"Cole," Connor says, dismayed, "what the fuck?"

_[The video shifts, very quickly, to Cole sitting in Nines' chair. He has a label too - 'Cole. Going to Disneyland because he helped.' Cole shrugs, glances at the camera and calmly explains that he loves challenges that pit his brother's against each other, because they always try to blackmail him with things they think he wants. This time, it's a trip to Disneyland.]_

Back with Connor in the room, Nines stands in front of their little brother and says, "Cole is an evil genius, you can't even be disappointed that he helped me."

And yet Connor looks entirely too disappointed. He's still holding the saucepan, and now, he lifts it up, holding it out to keep Nines from getting any closer. He says, "I was worried about Sumo betraying me. Or dad, but you chose _my little brother."_

Nines frowns. "How would I turn the dog against you?"

Connor throws his hands in the air, barely manages to keep hold of the saucepan, before shaking his head.  "I don't fucking know?"

Now, Nines takes a step forward. His victory seems certain, and Connor seems to reel back as he realises this. He glances around the room, as if searching for a way out, only to jump as Cole temporarily closes the door. Nines takes another step forward.

"Looks like I've won this round Con," Nines says, smirk evident on his face.

Connor's expression shifts. It is uncertain whether it's tiredness that leads him to glance twice at the window, or his own genius, but within a second, he's lunged towards the window, has thrown it open, and has rolled onto the roof above the front door.

"No, you fucking haven't." Connor says, as he disappears from the window.

* * *

_[The video switches again to Connor. He's still looking tired, and except his eyes are wider now._

_"Did I jump out of the window to avoid losing this challenge. Yes." Connor rubs at his eyes. His cheeks flush, almost embarrassed. "I was tired, I'd drunk too much coffee. It was nearing midnight - I just wanted to get away from Nines."_

_He pauses. Buries his face in his hands, before letting out a long groan._

_"There's not usually anyone wandering the streets in our neighbourhood at midnight." Connor moans, from his hands. "I wasn't expecting anyone to see me jump from the window."]_

* * *

The Youtube account, Jericho, also known as 'the Jericrew', is well known for its vlogs. The four members that contribute to the channel, all offer different content, which somehow manages to meld into a disaster for the four of them. This particular vlog had started as a Q&A with all four members.

Then, North, the only female of the group - the most outspoken and rash one - had stood up and declared that they were going to take a short break, so they could grab some snacks. Because she was fucking hungry, and she wanted to see how far Markus could race her in a trolley before they either crashed into something or got themselves kicked out of the area.

They'd been asked to leave after three minutes and two biscuit box casualties.

Now, the live video shows the group heading back down the street, making their way back to the house that they all share. It's not as big as the house they used to vlog in, the house Markus had grown up in, but it's roomy. It's nice, and it's theirs.

"You know what," North is saying to Josh as she swings the bag of snacks. "You don't get any fucking gummies."

"The hell have I done?" Josh sighs.

Simon, from behind the camera, lets out a sigh. "North, let him have some-"

North turns to the camera, sneers. She seems to be remembering that Simon had been telling her to stop playing with the trolley's, scolding her for acting like a child. Josh had been telling her off too, which is probably the cause of her not wanting to share at all.

Markus, stood just in front of Simon, lets out a small sigh.

"You don't get any fucking gummies," North says, "none of you. Except for Markus, because he's a pro at cart racing."

Markus holds his hands out, waiting for North to hand him some gummies. However, within a few seconds, he stops short and goes, "what the fuck?"

Simon, the only one facing the same direction as Markus, moves the camera so it shows what they're currently seeing. North and Josh quickly follow the line of sight, watching as a figure dives from a window. Markus pauses, and Simon rushes forwards, watching slowly as the figure moves.

The figure - male, it's distinguishable as a male, young - slides down the roof, before jumping down, towards the garden at the front. He hits the ground, rolls forward and is on his feet within seconds.

"I take it back," North mutters, as the figure races out of the garden, before slowing into a walk as he passes the gate. He even takes a moment to close it behind him, before walking in their general direction. "Markus' share of gummies goes to this guy."

It takes a few seconds, before the figure is distinguishable.

Josh's voice holds surprise. He says, "Is that Connor Anderson?"

It is, in fact, Connor Anderson. But for a moment, no one seems to know whether it is or not. They remain rooted where they are, even as Connor makes his way towards them.

The door to the house that he'd just jumped from opens, light bleeding out into the street. The figure of a young man - startlingly similar to Connor himself, appears in view of the camera.

"You can't win Connor!" Comes a deep voice, although he doesn't make any move to chase after him. Connor keeps walking away, lifts his hand to give his brother the finger. "I always complete my mission."

_("Holy shit it's them." Simon whispers, shock prevalent in his voice.)_

"Fuck off Nines," Connor shouts back, still oblivious to those who are watching him. _Filming him_. "I'll fucking fight you."

"You wanna go?" Nines shouts back. "I'll fight you anytime."

Connor turns to face them now, blinks at the camera and the group looking at him. He lifts his hands, as if to hide from the camera, before dropping his hands. He sighs, heads towards the group, ignoring his brother. As soon as he's nearer, he seems like he's trying to give the group some sort of explanation, only to shrug.

"I was suspicious of the wrong person," Connor explains. He shakes his head, "I should never have suspected Sumo. He's such a good boy.”

The four of them are avid fans of the Anderson triplets, and as such, it's only natural that they quickly agree that, _yes, Sumo is a very good boy._

"Hey," North says, catching his attention. Connor jumps, caught off guard by the conversation. He's jumpy, and none of Jericho know how to deal with it, since the man always seems so calm in his videos. "...Uh, we just bought some snacks. You want Markus' share of gummies?"

Connor pauses. He says, "are they sugar free?"

North's expression is almost disgusted. She says, "fuck off with that sugar free stuff. No, this has enough sugar to clog your arteries."

This time, they're greeted with a sunny, yet tired, smile. Connor says, "you promise? Gimme the diabetes candy."

North's expression is similar to the one she'd worn when they'd watched reruns of the news, watching an elderly businessman getting punched in the face following a declaration that LGBT communities were wrong. It's pure ecstasy. (She'd watched the video so many times that Jericho had been able to stage the video in their room without watching it, with perfect accuracy.)

"Here," she says, "sorry Markus, you get no gummies."

Markus flashes a look at North. He swallows, words catching in his throat as he says, "th- that's fine. He can have the... the gummies, yeah."

Under his breath, the camera picks up Simon's mutter of, "this is what all the previous generations of gays protested for."

North passes a handful of gummies over to Connor, receives an even brighter smile in response. Despite it being dark out, his expression seems to brighten the road.

"Thanks." Connor turns now, glances up and down the road and pops one of the sweets in his mouth. Then, he says, "anyway, must be off. Wouldn't want to be kidnapped again."

He offers them a small wave, and then he's running down the road. He doesn't seem to pay them another glance as he races away.

Markus turns, watches him leave, and for a moment, Simon focuses the camera on him. Then, at the sound of North's voice, he moves the camera back to her. She's frowning, confused. Josh takes this moment to lean forward and nab one of the gummies - she doesn't even seem to notice.

"Did he just say..." North pauses, "kidnapped _again_?"

Simon shrugs his shoulders. The camera bobs along with the movement. Then, he turns back to Markus, to the man still staring and asks, "Markus... you okay?"

Markus turns to them, opens his mouth, before closing it. He gives a very terse nod, looks generally... put out by the entire situation. He doesn't seem to say anything.

"Hey," Josh says after a while, when they decide to start walking again, "did any of you notice that he wasn't wearing any shoes?"

* * *

"You know,” Nines says, sat on Cole’s bed, his brother sat opposite him. “I think that could have gone better.”

Cole nods his head. He's sat in his pyjamas, and Nines leans forward to ruffle the boys hair. Then, he stands and says, "we'll do better tomorrow."

* * *

 

The video fades to black for a second. Then, it switches to Connor sat in the offices they work in, the camera in night vision, barely capable of making out his figure.

Connor's voice crackles in the video. It's difficult to make out the area around him, although it's very clearly Connor's own office. He slowly opens a door - the one that leads into a small stand-in cupboard - before closing it behind him. He lowers himself down on a small sleeping bag.

"I managed to escape from Nines." Connor's voice comes. "From where he tried to kidnap me, and since my own home and my family home is off limits, I'm sleeping in my office cupboard for the foreseeable future."

He takes a moment to pause, glances down at the small space he's secured for himself. The man sighs.

"I'd go to Caleb's, but if Nines has already got Cole on his side, then he's got Caleb on his side too."

* * *

_[The video clip switches to Caleb. He's sat on his sofa, surrounded by two of his cats. He's focusing more on brushing the fur of a Birman cat, listening to the purrs, than on the camera. There's a Norwegian forest cat curled up on his lap. He's got a label too, in the corner. It reads:_ Caleb - Avid cat fan.

_"I'm not on anyone's side at the moment," Caleb says, "I've decided to be Switzerland."]_

* * *

The video transitions from Caleb with his cats, to the offices, with the word, 'Thursday' in the top corner of the screen. Nines is stood in the office, arms crossed as looks into Connor's office and sees no one.

"Connor always gets to the office for about eight am." He says. "So I thought I'd get here early, and kidnap him while he's making his morning coffee."

He pauses, picks up the camera and rotates around. There is no one around. Naturally, none of them is expecting to see Caleb awake so early, but it is strange not to see Connor around.

"I think I've done it," Nines says, almost bewildered. "I think I've broken Connor."

* * *

The scene cuts to Connor in his cupboard. He blinks at the camera, says, "I'm never leaving here again. I think this is my home now."

He's wrapped in his sleeping bag, the circles under his eyes are even deeper. Despite usually having curly, messy hair, Connor's hair is even messier than usual. He looks like a disaster. Stretching out his arms, Connor yawns again.

"I need coffee," he mutters, "but the kitchen is enemy territory. I reckon Nines is waiting for me there."

Another pause. This time he says, "I've got some gummies on me from yesterday. Do you think it's possible to live off of..."

He pauses, leans into his pocket and brings out some gummies. He counts them, tilts his head and looks back up into the camera.

"Seven gummies?"

Connor pulls out his phone now, starts to type into his phone. He's quiet for a moment on the camera, before looking up at the camera. He turns the phone to the camera, showing the search: 'Is it possible to live off seven gummies for four days?'

There is no distinct answer, and Connor pouts at the camera.

"I'll have to ration them."

* * *

Connor's pout soon gives way to Nines. The man is sat in his car, the camera angled to face him while he's driving. He doesn't look at the camera, since he's focused on the road, but he does explain his current movements.

"Connor's not at the office," he says, "and he's too paranoid to be at home, so I'm driving to Caleb's, to see if he crashed there last night."

He turns the wheel, flicks on his turning signals. Waits. Then, he flashes the camera another smirk.

"I wonder what Connor's thinking right now." He says, "I reckon he's probably coming up with countermeasures to avoid being kidnapped again. Or maybe, he's thinking hiding will make help him win."

* * *

Connor stares at the camera. He looks near to tears.

"I ate all the gummies."

* * *

Nines finally reaches Caleb's apartment. He knocks on the door, waits a few seconds when he reaches no response, before pressing the doorbell. Still no response. He presses the doorbell again, holding it in until the buzzing finally catches his brother's attention.

Caleb opens the door. Around his neck, is the same Birman cat from before, curled into him, and purring. Somehow, even with a cat around him, half-awake, Caleb can still seem intimidating. He reaches up, absentmindedly to pat his cat, before saying, "what the fuck dude."

"Where's Connor?"

Caleb narrows his eyes. "Did you just passive aggressively wake me up at nine a.m, because you're looking for someone who doesn't live here?"

Another cat trots up to the brothers. In one fluid motion Caleb opens his hands, scoops the kitten up, and starts scratching under it's chin.

"...Yes."

"Castor is afraid of loud noises," Caleb says, signalling at the kitten in his hands. The animal mews at the sound of it's own name. "So as I close this door slowly, please imagine that I'm slamming it in your face."

"I'm searching your house," Nines says, pushing past his brother. "I'm certain he's hiding out here."

Caleb sighs. Closes the door behind him, and says, "you know, when you asked me to convince Connor the whole kidnapping thing was his own idea, I thought it would be funny. Now you've woken my up at an ungodly time, and I'm considering setting my cat army on you."

Nines turns, says. "You don't have an army."

"I have four lieutenants for the revolution," Caleb says around a yawn. Now, the video captures two more cats trotting up to Caleb. They stand in front of him, almost as if guarding their owner. Caleb gives the camera what can only be described as a _smug_ smile.

Nines falters. He shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever, I'm gonna look for Connor now."

Nines checks in every room, and as if Caleb has ordered it, a grumpy, grey Scottish fold follows behind him, watching him. It does not purr in the absence of Caleb, simply stares at Nines as he searches each room.

"Ok," Nines mutters to himself, "not creepy at all."

He says this, but he mustn't find it as creepy as he says he does, because several times, Nines bends down to scratch behind the cat's ears. It lets out a low grumble, something between a purr and a growl.

When Nines has finished his search, he heads back to Caleb's kitchen, where the man is begrudgingly making himself tea. He's also taken the time to refill the dry food bowl for his cats and has distributed some wet cat food.

"I told you he wasn't here," Caleb says, letting out a sigh. "There are only five of us in this household."

Nines sighs. "Where the fuck could he be then, because if he's not at dad's, and he's not at the office, and not here then there's nowhere else he could be. He's too paranoid to go home."

Caleb picks up his tea cup, very slowly lifts it to his lips and takes a sip. He says, "do you remember when we were kids, how Connor had that habit of hiding in small places?"

Nines pauses. Then: "Son of a bitch."

* * *

Connor stares at the camera. He looks genuinely irked, maybe because he's wearing a shirt that looks like it's been brought out of the 1980s and not the 2030s. He shrugs his shoulders, pulls a face at the camera.

"I didn't have a change of clothes here," he says, looking down at the bright colours on the shirt. It looks like something a hippy would wear, bright colours zigzagging across the shirt. "But Caleb did..."

He looks down at the shirt, shakes his head again. "I feel like I'm Bob Ross or something."

Sitting back in his chair, Connor sighs. He says, "this is my life now. I'm the 2038 version of Bob Ross. Dad would be so proud... On a happier front, I braved the kitchen and got coffee."

Connor pauses, glances at the shirt. His eyes almost seem to light up as he stares at the camera, a bright colour. He says, "do you know what, I don't think Nine's going to kidnap me while I'm dressed like this. I think the colours will blind him before he can get inside."

He lets out a small cackle. Then he shakes his head. He says, "after today, I think I'm going to burn this shirt."

Connor nods to himself, lifts his cup up as if making a toast, before bringing it to his lips. He closes his eyes with delight as he takes a moment to simply appreciate his coffee. Then, a door slams open at the end of the office, and Connor jumps at the sound.

Nines practically rushes past the kitchen - Connor turns the camera so it shows his brother rushing past, before continuing his coffee - oblivious to his brother in the kitchen.

"Connor was in the fucking cupboard," Nines shouts, and for a moment all Connor can do is stare at the camera as if he's a character from the office. "He fooled me."

"I came out of the cupboard for coffee," Connor says to the camera, resisting the urge to smirk. Now, he watches as Nines comes back out of his office, walking back towards his own office. Very slowly, Nines turns, spotting Connor.

"You." Nines says. And then, after a flash of pain, he says, "what are you wearing?"

Connor says, "Bob Ross cosplay."

"I really have broken you." Nines says, and then, completely without mercy, advances forwards and upends the table. It is only due to Connor's quick reaction time that he manages to grab both the camera and his coffee before they fall. "Let's just get this over and done with. End the suffering."

Connor seems to consider running, but he gives a shrug instead.

"I'd run," he says, "but I don't have any shoes."

Nines lets out a small laugh, drags Connor from the kitchen out to the corridor. Then, he reaches into the bag he's brought with him, pulls out a pair of trainers. He says, "I did think you might need these."

* * *

The video shifts from Thursday to Friday. There’s now only three days left of the challenge. Nines is sat at his desk again, glancing at the screen. He steeples his fingers - on most people, it looks obnoxious, stupid. But somehow, when Nines does such a movement, it appears natural.

"I'm so near to the end game," he says, "and at this point, I know that Connor will only trust one of us."

Nines offers a small smile. "Caleb. Who's not really been included in any of the plans at this point - he said he'd remain neutral and other than filming on day one, he has been."

He quickly explains his plan. The idea is to have Caleb offer Connor a place to stay. For one night, he'll make sure to leave Connor alone, something that should make his brother's paranoia lessen, to even out. And then, on the second night, he'll kidnap him.

"I sent an email to two of Connor's friends, Kara and Luther, and asked if they wanted to help kidnap him." Nines says. He offers another smirk to the camera. "They seemed to think the idea was fun and accepted pretty much immediately. Anyone who doesn't know Luther, would know that he's a strong guy. Pretty much a body builder. So, we're gonna use him to kidnap Connor."

He pauses. "Kara's there because she finds this kind of stuff hilarious."

For a moment, he nods to himself. Then, crossing his arms, Nines says, "we're going to kidnap Connor while he's sleeping, so now all we need to do is wait until two a.m. Then, we'll unlock Caleb's house with the spare key he's given us, and strike."

* * *

After what feels like a lifetime of waiting, the clock reaches 2 a.m.

Nines climbs the steps to the top floor of Caleb's apartment complex - "It's too high up for Connor to parkour away, we all know climbing from this high is... not a good idea." - followed behind by a large, dark-skinned man: Luther. Kara is the one carrying the camera, and as such, the only way of knowing she's present, are her occasional comments, cursing Caleb for forcing them to climb all those steps.

Apparently, the elevator is broken. It hadn't been two days ago, when Nines had last visited, but he supposed things break when people least want them to.

"Come on," Nines says, when they finally reach the apartment. He pulls the key from his pocket, unlocks the door and steps inside. Inside the apartment, they don't dare speak, and so Nines leads them to the spare bedroom with gestures.

He turns the handle slowly, pushes the door open. There, under the covers, is the outline of his brother. Nines gestures for Luther to act, and the man does, moving forwards and then ripping the covers off the body. It is not Connor, but rather - a collection of pillows.

Luther turns, sends Kara a look. Nines frowns, and then, he's brushing past Kara, making his way to Caleb's room. It seems ordinary at first, there is another body, with four cat-like figures around it. Then, he flicks on the light. No human - and the cats aren't anything other than cat teddies.

"Caleb betrayed us." Nines says, turning to Luther and Kara. There's no longer any reason to remain silent, seeing as there's no living things left in the house. "Fuck. My own triplet turned against me." 

He does not wear the same amount of shock on his face as Connor had, when Cole had betrayed him, but that's simply because Nines is not as emotive as his brother. His mouth is slightly open, his eyes slightly wide. It is a big sign of his own betrayal.

"Look," Kara says, swinging the camera to a large envelope labelled 'Nines' on it. "I think they left something for you."

Nines leans forward, grabs the envelope. It's is the size of a satchel, and he rolls his eyes as he opens it. There's a card in it, something he pulls out, stares out. Kara moves to an angle where she can see the picture and lets out a small laugh.

On the card, there is a printed picture of Connor and Caleb stood, flipping Nines off. Connor is frowning, but Caleb has a grin that seems evil incarnate. Beneath it, there are the words 'get ready to declare your name.'

"Oh," Luther says, glancing at the picture. "I believe we should have expected something like this to happen."

Nines places the card onto Caleb's bed, and pulls out a small case. There is a CD inside.

* * *

  _[The video flickers to Nines sat at his desk again. He is glaring._

_"Caleb betrayed me," he says. "So, there's three of us in his apartment, all tired because it's two a.m., in the fucking morning and we've been left with a fucking video to watch. I'm not saying I'm annoyed, but I'm also not saying, I'm not annoyed."]_

* * *

 Nines enters the CD into the laptop that Caleb had left behind. The screen flicks to the recorded footage that's present, and Nines presses play.

The room is dark, but it is easily recognised as the spare bedroom in Caleb's apartment. The computer chair has the back to the camera, and slowly, it spins, revealing Connor. He is smoothing Caleb's Norwegian forest cat - Callisto. The cat manages to appear smug as Connor grins at the camera.

As if to emulate that of a bond villain, he’s wearing a full suit. A white shirt, with a red tie. Then, a black waist coat, succeeded by a black jacket. His hair is slicked back, although there are still faint curls.

"Well, well well." Connor says. "How about it Nines? I bet you were feeling pretty proud of yourself, huh?"

He pauses, leans closer to the camera, eyes alight with humour. Callisto purrs as he continues to smooth her. "Right now, Caleb and I are sleeping soundly just outside town, and you're stood in Caleb's apartment, surrounded by nothing but a bunch of pillows and cat plushes."

He waves his hands, lets out a small laugh. "I don't know, how did this happen?"

The area of the clip changes, Connor is now sitting in Caleb's kitchen, holding a martini glass. He's joined by the Caleb, who seems to be wearing similar clothing. The waist coat is grey, his tie a deep purple. The jacket is the same as Connors. The two brothers clink their glasses together.

"See," Connor continues, "I wasn't sure what you'd do next, but I suspected when Caleb came to me and asked if I wanted to stay with him for a few days. That's when I knew - you'd want to get to me in my sleep."

Caleb takes a sip from his drink. Offers a grin at the camera.

"I was going to refuse," Connor continues, "but then Caleb told me everything. How you planned to wake me up in the middle of the night and kidnap me. At that moment, I thought he was trying to trick me into trusting you, but then he gave me his reasons."

Caleb raises his glass at the camera. He says, with the level of pettiness one would expect from a six-year-old, "I was willing to be Switzerland Nines. But then you woke me up before 10 a.m., on a Thursday. Now, I enact my revenge."

The video changes areas again. Still in his suit, Connor is stood in a large aisle. He offers a grin at the camera.

"We're at staples right now Nines," He says, "and we're printing something off for you."

It's the photo that had been in the large envelope. Connor looks smug as he looks at it. Behind the camera, Caleb lets out a faint whistle.

"After this, we'll leave this envelope at Caleb's, pick up the cats and enjoy a very peaceful night without you." Connor grins again, offers a peace sign at the camera and says, "you told me to come at you, bro. I only did what you asked me to."

Behind the camera, Caleb cackles.

The video draws to an end.

* * *

_[The clip turns back to Nines. He exhales, for a long time. It seems like he's blowing away steam.  The attempt to calm down does not seem to be effective._

_"Okay," Nines says at last, "not only am I pissed, but I'm with two of Connor's friends, who're also pissed."_

_The camera changes to Kara and Luther sat on Caleb's bed. Kara is frowning, but Luther seems almost thoughtful._

_"If I see Connor again any time soon," Kara says, "I might just kidnap him, so I can hit him a few times for making me walk up all those stairs for nothing."_

_Beside her, Luther puts an arm around Kara, rubs her shoulders to calm her down. He says, "I'm kind of glad Connor's not here. If I'd gone to grab him... he's very wiggly. And he has a strange capability of hiding in hard to reach places."]_

* * *

The video reaches Saturday. This time, Nines is the one who's sleep deprived. Connor meanwhile, looks energetic as he enters the offices. Caleb is unsurprisingly absent, since it is before 10 a.m. and both Nines and Connor now know the risks of waking him at such an early time.

"Morning little brother," Connor sings, dancing away from Nines as the other man tries to swat him. "You look a little tired this morning."

Connor leaves the room before Nines can come up with any other response. As soon as he's gone, Nines looks at the camera, glares, and says, "I'm going to kidnap him so hard, he's going to think all the other kidnappings were child's play."

* * *

  _[Caleb glances at the camera. He says, "now I've dabbled in my revenge, I think I'm going to go back to being Switzerland."]_

* * *

 "Okay," Nines says, looking at the camera. "So, I've only got a day and a half left to kidnap my brother."

He's rubbing at his chin, trying to think things through. He lifts a finger, offers a grin - "every Saturday, us triplets have a meeting to discuss video opportunities. I'm gonna kidnap him then."

The idea seems almost like it's going to contradict itself. If Nines and Connor are both going to be in the same room, then surely, Connor's going to be on high alert. Maybe Caleb will protect his brother, but he's been a wild card this entire time, and everyone knows it. He cannot be trusted to keep his word - his only loyalties are to his cats.

"And by that," Nines continues, "I mean I'm going to bring in Luther and Gavin and let the two of them duke out who's going to kidnap Connor."

Nines pauses, then he says, "I haven't actually told Gavin that this week has been dedicated to kidnapping Connor, so this phone call should be pretty amusing to hear."

Nines grabs his phone now, glances at the camera before picking pressing five on speed dial. He waits, glances at the outgoing call, and smirks at the camera. He says, "I'm about to ask a police detective to help me kidnap someone."

He waits, raises an eyebrow as the phone rings without receiving any answer. It is not until the third ring that Detective Gavin Reed answers, and even then, it seems almost like the man is not present.

"Listen babe," Gavin says, voice gravelly. Nines' lips twist upwards at the voice, and he mutters under his own breath how even though he's engaged he's still a gay disaster, "I'm kind of in the middle of a case, is this urgent?"

Nines seems to decide that yes, the need to kidnap his own brother is extremely urgent. He says, "I need your help kidnapping someone."

Gavin is silent on the other side of the phone. It is the kind of silence that only a detective, and confused fiancé can create.

"It's for a video."

"What the actual fuck, * _bleep_ *." There's another duck horn sound, erasing Nines’ real name. Detective Reed is obviously not impressed. He says, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

"First off, I've decided to marry you," Nines says, "there's also the fact that I want to kidnap someone. That's two explanations."

The detective clicks his tongue.

"It's not like it'll be my first kidnapping," Nines continues, "I've already had two successes. I just need you to help me with the third. You know, like any self-respecting detective fiancé would do."

Gavin hangs up. Nines stares at the camera as if he's been betrayed. Again.

Nonplussed, Nines clicks the number five on speed dial again. He waits, as the phone calls. This time, Gavin picks up on the first ring.

"Please tell me you haven't actually kidnapped two fucking people." The detective sighs, "because arresting you is always a pain."

Nines grins at the camera. It is a smug grin, as if he is certain he's got Gavin on his side already. He leans forward, shrugs. He says, "I haven't kidnapped two people. I've kidnapped the same person, twice."

"Why the fuck would you tell me this?" Gavin says. "Wha-"

"It was Connor." Nines says. "And I had his consent to kidnap him. I'm trying to prove a point to him...." A pause. "Also, if I kidnap him a third time, then I'll be able to force him to get a tattoo."

"For fucks sake babe," Gavin says, "why can't you open with these things instead of giving me a fucking heart attack. You're such a dick."

Nines grins at the camera. "I know. Will you help me kidnap my brother?"

There is a sigh from the other side of the phone. His victory is self-assured.

* * *

The meeting between the Anderson brothers starts at around 2.30. Nines enters the room first, sits in the chair furthest from the exit. Caleb is next into the room, wearing a shirt that reads 'real men love cats'. Beside the writing, is a Scottish fold cat wearing sunglasses. It is both an entirely ridiculous, yet Caleb-esque shirt.

"I'm back to being neutral," Caleb says as he sits down. He breathes out a sigh of relief as Nines only responds with a shrug and a muttered 'traitor'.

Connor is the last into the room. He's wearing a blue hoodie, with small black letters typed in the middle reading 'fite me'. The hood is down, although the man looks like he's tempted to throw it up, paranoia is evident in his expression, and he takes the chair nearest to the exit.

There is only one exit. Nines seems to revel in this fact.

"So," Caleb says, as if oblivious to the tension between his two brothers, or rather - seeing it and deciding he'd much rather cut through the bullshit and do the work he's actually showed up on a Saturday to do, "any new ideas for some videos."

Connor turns, glances towards the exit. "Maybe we can just focus on finishing this one first?"

Nines, from the other side of the table says. "I for a fact, think we should do another video like this one. Maybe we should make Connor try to avoid being caught by a swat team. Or try to escape from a bounty hunter."

Connor does not seem to like the premise of these video ideas. He says, "maybe you should do that one Nines, I reckon you'll love the paranoia."

"You do wear it well Connor," Nines smirks.

"Girls, girls," Caleb says, "you're both pretty. Now shut the fuck up and brainstorm with me."

There is no time for the men to start brainstorming. One moment Connor is opening his mouth to speak, the next, he's on his feet, staring at the entrance where Luther stands. He glares at his friend, says, "no. I won't let you kidnap me."

Luther enters the room, and heads towards Connor. As much as Connor tries to speed past the man, he fails, unable to get past. Every time Connor moves right, Luther follows by moving left. They're both fast with their movements.

"There's no point trying," Nines says, "You can't get away."

For a moment, it seems as if Luther's grabbed hold of Connor, but the man manages to squirm out of the man's hold. He races towards the door, stands by the frame and points at Nines. He says, "Fuck you."

Nines shrugs his shoulders. He says, "right."

Connor goes to respond, he looks faintly proud of himself when he feels a force tug him backwards.

"Sumo," Nines says, "be a good dog and kidnap Connor."

Connor is not moved back far, but the force of the St. Bernard tugging on his jeans forces him to take a few steps back. And that's all it takes to move Connor from one room to another - as per the agreements they'd made the previous Monday.

Outside of the room, Connor blinks. He turns back, to look at Sumo and is greeted with a wagging tail and loud _'boof'._

"Sumo," Connor breathes, "I trusted you."

_[Nines glances off screen from the camera, grins. He meets someone else's eye and says, "some people are probably wondering what Gavin did, to help aid this kidnapping."_

_Now he turns back to the camera. "He brought the dog."]_

The realisation that he's going to be forced to get a tattoo seems to roll into Connor at the same moment he truly registers that Sumo has betrayed him. He wags his finger at the dog, ignores the other _boof_ he receives and says, "I've told you mister to stop pulling on people's clothes, kidnapping is bad, I'm taking you to dog prison."

Then, almost within the same sentence: "fuck, how am I going to explain to dad that I'm getting a tattoo."

Somehow, this seems to be the main issue. That he has to explain his tattoo to Hank Anderson. Caleb pipes up from the side of the room that he should just do what he's done - remain silent and wait for Hank to figure it out by himself.

Nines shrugs his shoulders, he says, "I knew I was going to win, so I already booked the tattoo parlour. Get yourself ready Con."

Connor looks a mixture between disappointed that he's lost and distressed over the fact that he will now be receiving a tattoo that has been picked for him.

"Emotionally prepare yourself," Nines says, "because on Monday, I'm going to give you the worst tattoo anyone could ever imagine."

Connor swallows nervously. Then, he lifts his hand up, runs his fingers through his hair. He says, "I going to respond to this like any functioning adult would."

Nines raises an eyebrow.

"Copious amounts of alcohol." Connor says. "If I can't remember anything about the wait for this tattoo, hopefully I won't worry about it in the meantime."

He stands, gives Sumo a quick pat, before looking to down the corridor. From his seat, having pulled out his phone, Caleb says, "he's gonna run."

The video cuts after Connor starts racing down the corridor. Nines chases after him, and the faint shout of _'I know where you live Connor'_ reaches the camera's microphone. Caleb heaves out a sigh, leans over and shuts the camera off.

* * *

For a moment the video is black.

Then, the scene explodes into white. They're at a tattoo parlour. There are designs all over the wall. Connor is stood with Caleb as the final triplet, Nines, talks to the tattoo artist about the tattoo he's decided his brother should be forced to wear on his skin forever.

"This entire week has been so stressful," Connor says, rubbing at his forehead. He shakes his head. "And today somehow manages to be the worse."

Caleb pats his brothers shoulder. "I think during this, you've actually developed a caffeine addiction."

Connor offers the man a half smile. He does not have the time to respond, as Nines has returned to join the pair. He's stoic, watching them both. Then, he says, "go enjoy getting stabbed by a needle Connor."

Connor turns, accepts his fate. As per their agreement, he's not allowed to see the tattoo while it's being done, so for the next hour, as the template is applied, the outline being inked into his skin, he stares at his brother mouthing angry words. Of course - the video only displays about ten seconds of various swears from Connor's mouth.

Then, the tattoo is finished, and Nines finally says, 'sure, you can look at it now'.

Connor turns, glances at the tattoo on his upper arm. His lips part, a small 'o' forming as he looks at it.

_["Listen," Nines says, looking at the camera, "giving Connor a horrible tattoo is only going to make him come up with some kind of ploy to force me to get one too. So, I'm gonna settle for something he'd actually like."]_

The tattoo, is the outline of a dog. It's very simplistic, but it's soft and something that Connor slowly smiles at the sight of.

"Nines..." Connor says, hesitating. Then with a grin he says, "You know how much I like dogs..."

Nines crosses his arms. Despite already stating that he's going to be nice with the tattoo, he turns his head away and says, "I only got you a dog tattoo so it can remind you of how Sumo betrayed you."

Connor grins. "I love it."

Caleb leans forward, his own sleeve rolled up. In the same placement on his arm, there's a small outline of a cat. It's simplistic as well. He says, "ahh, look, we match. Tattoo buddies. Nines, you're the only one without a tattoo."

Nines glances at them both. He says, "yeah. No tattoo for me."

* * *

The video outro appears. It's much like the video's intro, except the clips of Caleb, Connor and Nines are from this video. It captures the moment Sumo betrays Connor. Shows when Caleb had decided to betray Nines. All in all, it's like a fifteen second recap of the video.

Then, the after credits arrive.

"As promised," Nines says, glancing down at his little brother. Cole is currently holding his hand, pointing towards something that the camera isn't showing. "We're taking Cole to Disneyland."

The two turn, and head towards the entrance. Connor and Caleb are waiting by the exit, and they both wave as Cole lets go of Nines' hand to rush forwards. The camera follows after them, and soon the four brothers are all together. Connor looks back at the camera, pulls a face.

"Just for the record, I think it's wholly unfair that we're rewarding Cole for betraying me," he says, "but also, I get to go to Disneyland so, like, it's kind of worth it?"

The video finishes.

* * *

**_I try to kidnap my brother 3 times in a week_ **

**Anderson Brothers. 6.4M Subscribers**

_500,018 views. - Published Nov 22, 2038._

In which Connor becomes paranoid. Nines is determined not to reveal his name and Caleb really doesn't understand what it means to be Switzerland.

Hope you all enjoy me and the other triplets acting like downright idiots. After all, that's what this channel's for, right? - Con

-

_9,392 comments_

_Andersons#1fan:_

Mom walks into room: Why are you crying?

Me: Grown men kidnapping each other.

-

_NINESISACONSPIRACY:_

But imagine if Con actually got kidnapped in that time, just thinks that it's Nines doing so

-

_JoinCaleb'scatarmy:_

Looks at name of the video. WhAT the FuCK?!

-

_SureJan:_

#supportCon'scaffeineaddiction2k38

-

_#2SumoFan:_

IS NO ONE GOING TO MENTION THE FACT THAT THEY WORE SUITS

CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT HOW HOT THEY ARE IN THE SUITS

-

_NinesNameIsBEAUTY:_

We were so close! #NeedNinesName

* * *

"You know," Caleb says, after the video has exploded. He's been scrolling through the Youtube comments for about half an hour now, liking the one's he finds funny and letting out a small laugh when he realises he is apparently the most relatable of the brothers. "Everyone's very disappointed they didn't learn your name."

Nines offers his brother a glance, before turning back to his own phone. Unlike his brother, he is not scrolling through comments, but rather texting Gavin, musing on where they're going out to eat that night. He doesn't have date night very often, purely because Gavin always ends up bitching about wherever Nines chooses, but tonight he's forcing the issue.

It's like a prize. For kidnapping Connor successfully.

"You know I'm not throwing it out for anyone any time soon." Nines says, shrugging his shoulders. "There'll probably be a big reveal one day, but right now, it's more amusing reading all the theories."

Caleb offers a small shrug. He says, "You know what, at the moment, there are less theories about you, and more shipping wars regarding Con."

Nines grins. "Finally. We all saw that Jericho video, it's going to be fun teasing Con about this."

* * *

**Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 3hr

Coffee helps me forget the kidnappings.

_[A photo of Connor's coffee cup. He holds it up as if making a toast.]_

 

 

 

> **#1AndersonFan** _@jenjen_ 3hr  
>  Omg Connor, are you okay ?? #saveConnor2k38  
>     
>  **Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 3hr  
>  Nothing a bit of coffee can't fix _@eldestandersonboi_  
>     
>  **JeriCrew** _@jericho_ 2hr  
>  If ur feelin paranoid, jump out a few windows. _@eldestandersonboi_  
>     
>  **Ninesisn'treal** _@nonines_ 2hr  
>  _@officialnines_ Look at what you did. You fucked up a perfectly good Connor.  
>  He's got paranoia.  
>     
>  **Nines** _@officialnines_ 1hr  
>  Lol
> 
> * * *

**_WeStanNova_ **

Okay, can we like, talk about how cute Caleb was in the latest episode? Like, I know everyone's freaking out about the suits and the fucking way Sumo wrecked everyone's heart with that betrayal, but can we take a moment to consider this:

_[Gif of Caleb with Nova wrapped around his neck]_

_[Gif of Caleb scooping Castor into his hands]_

_37,923 notes_

#Caleb Anderson #Caleb Anderson is cat God confirmed #Nova #Castor #Justlookatthewaycaresforthemtho #myboi

-

_**RevealyournameNinesPLS** _

We were so close. Can't believe the only reason we didn't learn Nines' name is because of Sumo.

_[Gif of Sumo betraying Connor, pulling him out of the room]_

 

_**SumoStan** _

GDI Sumo. I love you but I need to kno

_41,210 notes_

#insumowetrusted #insumowewerebetrayed #toptenanimebetrayals #letusknownines'name2k38

-

_**Ishipit** _

If no one's going to bring up the Jericho blog then I will.

_[Gif of Markus stumbling over his words]_

_[Gif of Markus staring at Connor with the caption 'This is what all the previous generations of gays protested for.']_

_[Gif of Markus staring at Connor as he runs past]_

_99,203 notes_

#Ishipit #MarkusManfred #ConnorAnderson #MarkusxConnor #Weneedashipname #Jericrew

-

_**GYUAAAAH** _

_[Picture of Connor and Caleb in their suits]_

_[Picture with man looking down, caption reading, 'it's beautiful']_

_[Picture with same man looking out, in wonder. The caption reads, 'I've looked at this for five hours now']_

_66,456 notes_

#Lookatemboth #mybois #andersonbrothers #connoranderson #calebanderson #catgod

-

_**AGoodBoi** _

Guys???? While the vid was rlly awesome we should probably be really worried???? Nines kidnapped Connor TWICE with help from the POLICE And Connor also saying he deserved it the first time??? Like bby wHAT did you do????

_[Gif of Connor in handcuffs with the caption, “whatever it is, I probably deserve this”]_

_[Gif(s) of Nines on the phone with Gavin, and his play in the final kidnapping]_

_98,372 notes_

#Nines #ConnorAnderson #HowDidNinesGetPoliceHelp #TWICE #Also #WhatDidConnorDo

-

_**Jerry-cho** _

They went to Disneyland.

THEY WENT TO DISNEYLAND.

_14,232 notes_

#Andersons #Cole #Caleb #Connor #C-relatednamewedon'tknow #Nines

-

_**NyanCalebCat** _

Markus has the hots for Connor.

Code red. We've got another gay disaster to keep our eyes on.

_[Gif of Connor winking, thumbs up. Behind him, there's a rainbow flag, and the caption: I ship it.]_

_98,234 notes_

#ConnorAnderson #MarkusManfred #Youtube #Hitmeupwiththatgayshit


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow this got a lot more of a reception than I was expecting. Have some more meme content  
> yEs this is my idea of comedy  
> -  
> IT'S TIME TO JOIN THE CAT REVOLUTION!  
> (Thanks to my four lieutenant vodka cats for letting me throw the fic at you while I'm writing, you are my motivation).

**_North straight up willing to commit murder - Livestream_ **

**Jericho. 23k watching**

The gang of Jericho are all trapped within a car. As if to stop North and Josh from their usual bickering, North is sat in the front, beside Markus, their driver for the day, and Josh is sat next to Simon in the back. Simon is holding the camera, unseen yet again, like with most of their livestreams.

"I'm so excited," North is saying now, "I'm gonna shoot Josh so many times that his bruises have bruises."

The camera moves up to the rear-view mirror as they stop at the traffic lights. Markus' eyes stare into the camera. They're mismatched in colour, but they both hold the same resemblance of horror. He says, "a reminder for anyone who's just tuned in, we are going paintballing today."

North cackles from the passenger seat. Simon turns the camera to show Josh, who seems slightly pale, as if fearing for his life. Usually a pacifist, it seems he's not entirely prepared for a game of paintball against their highly violent friend.

"Yes," Simon's voice is heard off camera. "North's not actually committing any murders today."

North twists around her chair to look at the camera as Markus resumes driving. She lifts a single finger up, stares. There is an almost maniacal glint to her eyes. "One murder."

"No murder," Markus chides.

"I'll only murder him a little bit," North whines. As Markus offers a clear 'no', she sighs. "Fine, I'll just kill Josh's pride then."

Josh crosses his arms, looks overly stressed at the idea that they'll be handing North anything resembling a weapon. His finger taps against his arm, the motion following a quick four beat pattern before resuming. _Tap-tap-tap_ \- pause - _tap._

"Make my grave pretty," Josh says. And then, after a pause, "North, temporary truce?"

North glances at him, squints. She says, "not gonna happen. I don't do truces."

"We'll make sure to design your gravestone, so it fits your personality," Markus says from the front of the car. "It'll be colourful. Rainbow-coloured."

Simon lets out a small snort from behind the camera. North raises an eyebrow, and then, takes a moment to glance down at her phone. She's been reading the live comments from the livestream for a while now, making general comments and responding to questions. So far, she's done pretty well - she's only threatened to maim a few of their followers.

She's not serious, or at least, the other members of Jericho are hoping she's joking.

"Trust you to want to make a Josh's grave gay," North snorts.

"Everything could be a little gayer," Markus hums. The sight of a grin can be seen in the mirror, his lips pulled upwards. Their subscribers have all stated in the past that Markus' smile is a blessing from the Gods, and most of Jericho are prone to agreeing.

"Ha," Simon's voice is low. "Like the Anderson triplets?"

The car jerks forward.

Markus must have slammed his foot onto the brakes, something that catches them all of guard, because the car jerks forward as it comes to a stop. North slowly moves her finger forward to turn on their hazard lights, even as a car beeps from behind them, urging them to move forwards.

When Markus turns to face the camera, his cheeks are dusted with red. Embarrassed, he takes a moment to swallow down air, before shrugging a shoulder. His voice catches as he says, "everything could be gayer."

North bursts into laughter at this. Simon and Josh quickly follow suit, although it is hers which sounds the evillest. "I can't believe you almost crashed the car because of a name."

"Shut up," Markus says, and finally he clicks off the car's hazards, brings the car back into motion. If he didn't have to drive, it's almost certain that he'd have abandoned the car - he's done so before, when North had teased him about a prior crush. Had simply waited until traffic lights and left the car behind when his father - Carl - had been driving. He's admitted as such in their Q&As.

"You know what," Josh says, leaning back against his chair, looking about as comfy as a man who's about to be shot hundreds of times by a homicidal North can, "I ship it."

North lets out another cackle. She says, "so does half of the internet."

* * *

_2,344 comments_

_Jericoo:_

Which Anderson boi we talkin bout tho - I need 2 kno

> _Mark-Us-Pls:_
> 
> A true fan wouldn't even need to ask.
> 
> _Biteme:_
> 
> @Jericoo if you watched their latest vlog, you'd realise it's probably Connor. I mean, we love the others - but Markus.exe stopped working when he saw the boi launch himself from the window.
> 
> _Wtfyoulyin:_
> 
> Pls, we all stopped working when we saw the boi launch himself from the window
> 
> _CatsRUs:_
> 
> It better not be Caleb, he's MINE.
> 
> _Sumostan#1234:_
> 
> Well it's not fuckin Nines, we know that much

_[ Read all 67 replies ]_

* * *

**Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 6hr

Connor's like, a radar for @Jericho videos, this is the second time he's bumped into them now

_[Photo of a Connor offering a bright smile at the members of Jericho.]_

> **Jericrew** _@Jericho_ 6hr
> 
> Maybe we're the radar. Connor keeps coming to us
> 
>  
> 
> **Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 5hr
> 
> asasfhdg I don't remember this _@calebanderson_
> 
>  
> 
> **Nines** _@officialnines_ 5 hr
> 
> That would be the vodka _@eldestanderonboi_
> 
>  
> 
> **Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 4hr
> 
> If you wanna remember, the video is here
> 
> _[Embedded youtube link to a video titled: What we did for North’s birthday.]_

* * *

**Jericrew** _@Jericho_ 3hr

How Markus survived meeting the Andersons, we don't know _._

> _[_ **Jericrew** _@Jericho_ 3hr
> 
> But he is fortunate enough to still be alive.
> 
> **NoRTh <3** _@weloveNorth_ 2hr
> 
> Lmao he obviously didn't know how to deal with drunk Andersons #gaydisaster #couldbegayer
> 
> **CastorStan** _@StealCalebsCats_ 2hr
> 
> More content to load onto the ship #markusxconnor #evenJerichoships it

* * *

"You know," Caleb says, sitting at the kitchen table in their offices a few days later, as he's watching the final edited version of their latest video.  From where he's making coffee, Connor turns to look at him, waits for his brother to speak. "If you're going to wind up on Jericho's cameras anyway, then maybe we should just collab with them and put it on your own terms."

Connor returns to his coffee. He says, "running into people twice, is just coincidence. The radar idea isn't real."

Caleb pauses the video. He says, "sounds fake, but ok."

Connor sticks his tongue out. And then, "Just upload the video... and please, let that meme die."

Caleb waves the comment away, brushes his hand through the air to do so. His expression seems to read that he will never optionally kill a meme, but he says nothing on the matter. Instead, with a monotone 'kay', he leans forward and brings up Youtube.

He uploads the video, waits for the footage to update, before typing in the title and description for the footage. Then, he leans back, and waits for the internet to upload the video. The bar showing that the video is processing is slow, not instantaneously, and Caleb holds back a yawn as he waits.

"Is it sunny outside?" Caleb asks finally, looking at Connor. He's not left the offices since he'd started editing the video together over a day and a half ago.

Connor shrugs. "I guess?"

Caleb offers his brother a grin, stands. With the video newly uploaded, the man seems to decide that it is worth heading outside. There is a tree calling for him, with just enough shade to keep him from burning, but enough light for him to curl up and nap in the sun.

"I'll be outside." Caleb says. "Only wake me if there's a fire."

* * *

**_Which alcohol f*cks my brothers up the most?_ **

**Anderson Brothers. 6.4M Subscribers**

This is definitely for science. I didn't suggest this to my brothers, so we could have four weekends of getting fucked up. Honest. – Caleb

* * *

The video opens with Caleb, holding a cup of his own, almost woozy on his feet, glancing at the camera. He's wearing a blue shirt, with a brown sweater over the top. For him, it is the height of fashion, better than all his usual clothes. He leans forward so his face is blocking the rest of the room from sight.

"Finish your fucking drinks," he slurs, before leaning back. He offers a small smile, his lips quirked at one end. Then, running a hand through his hair, he turns back to the party. Raises his cup up and cheers, his voice is quickly drowned out by the others that join in.

The Anderson's intro flashes through it's blue-yellow-red cycle, before leading to Connor. They must be in their offices because he's stood in a white room. He raises his hands up, "alcohol."

Immediately Connor's figure switches to Caleb's. The man is grinning. Then, switches again to a quick two second clip of the three brother's clinking wine glasses together at a bar.

Then to Nines. He's monotone as he says, "I like getting drunk. I hate hangovers."

The video once again cuts from the white backdrop, to a room that is recognisable as Nines'. The man squints up at the camera, wincing, and says, "fuck, Gavin, _everything hurts."_

This time, when it returns to the brothers, they're all sat together. Caleb is in the middle, looking proud of himself, as his brothers watch him. It seems almost like he's claiming that this is his idea. When he speaks, Nines slowly moves his hand up, rests his forehead on his hand. He already seems done with the video, "so we're going to try different alcohols, and compare them."

Connor glances at the camera, offers a smile. His usual, puppy-like energy has returned for this video, where it had been missing from the previous, kidnapping video. He says, "we wanna see how alcohol affects us."

Both Connor and Nines stand, walk off screen, leaving Caleb to himself. He grins, offers a wild grin. "Four weekends. Four types of alcohol. Watch the fuck out Detroit."

* * *

The scene cuts to Cole.

He’s sat in a chair at the office, with bookshelves behind him. His hands are clasped together in his lap, a parody of videos where professors or other professionals are sat explaining the biological effects of a substance. Instead, there's a nine-year old, with a pencil tucked behind his ears, trying - and succeeding, somehow - to look smart.

"There's a lotta stories about alcohol," Cole says, as a small rectangle with his name shows in the corner. Beneath it, in bold, is the abbreviation: PhD. "But there are also tips on drinking that can help you stay safe. Based on science."

* * *

Returning to the older Anderson brothers, Caleb offers the camera a grin, "so we've got some classifications we go into for this, to see which alcohol fucks us the most a lot. First, is how buzzed we get."

"Second," Connor cuts in, "is how much of a hangover we get from this."

"And third," Nines sighs, "is just how much shit we manage to get ourselves into."

"We do have our own personal factors as well," Connor says, clapping his hands together. "Mine is probably... how many fights I manage to get myself into."

Caleb leans forward, grins at the camera. He says, "I know you guys seem to think that Connor is a puppy and all, but he's really now a good boy. He's more bite than bark"

Connor bites his teeth together, laughs as both his brothers give him disappointed looks. His laughter is that of the gods.

"Mine," Caleb says, "Is how many times I try to convert people to the cat revolution."

A pause, as if both his brothers are wondering whether he really needs to be drunk to do so. Caleb shrugs, mutters: "there's usually a vetting process."

"And mine," Nines sighs, shaking his head. "Is how many times I reveal my own name, and someone needs to edit that shit out."

* * *

The first evening is based on beer. The video announces this by throwing 'Night One - Beer', with a small cartoon image of the drink in the corner. The video resumes then, to the three men leaving a taxi behind heading into one of the local pubs.

"Beer," Nines says, looking back at the camera, "is probably my favourite of the four drinks we've got on the list."

It is unclear who exactly is filming, since all three men are in the shot. Some theories say it's Gavin, and others say it's another youtuber, but they remain quiet, and so, no one will ever know.

"Beer night," Caleb cheers, "let’s get a keg."

"I don't think we're actually allowed to buy a full keg," Connor says, following behind his brother. He shakes his head, "let's just stick to pint glasses, alright?"

Caleb heaves out a sigh, shakes his head and says, "fine."

* * *

They video switches to them drinking from their glasses, talking across the table. So far, the evening seems to be pretty tame. Nines is leaning back against his chair, and the triplets aren't doing much but talking.

Caleb makes eye contact with the camera - he's relaxed, but he seems bored by the entire thing. He sighs, shakes his head. He says, "can we get the keg?"

The next five seconds of the video show Caleb working his way through several glasses. His brother's raise their eyebrows at him, even if they do seem used to the whole ordeal.

_[The video flickers to Nines sat among the white backdrop. He shrugs his shoulders, "beer is super social, you drink it with conversation. Caleb missed that lesson."_

_Now, it flickers to Caleb. He looks unimpressed. "I'm not trying to say that I have boring brothers, but I was so fucking bored, you have no idea."]_

* * *

_[Cole appears back on the screen. He kicks his feet against the chair - and he's wearing glasses, aimed at making him look more professor like. The lenses have been pushed out, and they're too long on his nose. He glances at the camera. Then, looking past it, he seems to read something that's being shown behind the camera._

_"Beer has a lot of carbohydrates in it," he says now, "so since there's more energy, it's slower acting. It is absorbed more slowly."_

_He offers a satisfied smile at the camera, before he cuts away, going back to showing Caleb, Connor and Nines sat at the table.]_

* * *

"I'm starting to feel a buzz," Caleb whispers to the camera. They’re outside now stood by a food van. In the background, Connor and Nines seem to be ordering from the street vendor. "It's only taken about three hours, but I'm finally feeling the buzz."

He speaks as if he is part of a conspiracy. Maybe he is, no one's ever really certain when it comes to Caleb.

"But they want to eat now," Caleb continues, "fuck eating, that slows all the buzz down."

Without another word, Caleb saunters away, towards the end of the street. The camera follows him, watches as he heads away. The only building in the immediate area, is the pub they've just left, and so it's no mystery where the man's going.

The camera cuts out, reaches Connor and Nines by the street vendor. Connor has a cone of chips, seems to be savouring each one - "Hey, you want one?" he asks, holding it out to whoever's holding the camera. A hand reaches out, grabs a chip. - and Nines is holding a burger.

"Where's Caleb?" Connor asks.

There is no need for an answer, because around a mouthful of his burger, Nines says, "fucker abandoned us. He's always wandering off."

"You know what," Connor says, shaking his head. He chomps down on another chip. "Caleb can fuck off. We'll have fun with our food and he can enjoy whatever he's doing. I bet he's bored anyway."

_[The video switches from HD, camera footage, to Caleb's phone camera. The difference is vast, and the video shows Caleb with someone who seems to be hosting a... quiz? There's no enough context, since the clip has been exported from snapchat, but he Caleb has his arm around the man's shoulder and is asking, "can I host?"_

_Seconds later, a confused nod, and Caleb lets out a cheer as he is handed a microphone._

_"I've got a fucking question for you all about cats," he shouts.]_

* * *

The following morning shows Connor, staring at the camera, the sunshine peeking through his windows. He's still in sleep wear, sat shirtless in his bed, seeming to contemplate the night before. His hair is mussed from where he's propped his pillow up. He says, "so, I didn't fight anyone. That's always good to know. But that means beer isn't the worst thing for me to be drinking."

He takes a moment to pause, collects the glass of water resting on his bedside table. Connor takes a sip.

"Also," he says, "something we need to consider. Caleb needs his own personal cameraman. All I know of what he did last night, is based on his snapchat story?"

* * *

It shifts to Nines. He blinks open an eye, glances up - it's no doubt Gavin holding the camera, since they're in their apartment - and nods his head. He says, "I had the best burger last night. Gavin, it was heavenly."

Gavin says, "did you forget which name you were going by at any point."

"No." Nines says, frowning. And then, "but Gavin, the burger-"

* * *

Caleb on screen is spending time with his cats. He's with the grey Scottish fold - Orion - patting his head and drinking orange juice from a wine glass. He says, "I think we have at least twelve new followers of the cat revolution." He pauses. "I got six of their numbers."

Orion reaches up with a paw, grabs Caleb's attention. He lets out a small grumbling purr.

"I know," Caleb says, proud of himself, "Papa's got game."

* * *

This time, the video shifts to another evening. In the corner, there are two drinks, one depicting a vodka bottle, the other one in a tumbler glass, with what must be whisky. Caleb's grin is wilder that it had been when they'd announced beer night, and it's obvious why.

Anyone who follows him on snapchat, or Instagram, knows that the man is a fan of spirits. He doesn't even need to speak for his excitement to be known. Instead, he reaches down, brings up a bottle of Vodka and glances at it. He kisses the bottle's neck. Then, he cradles it as if it is one of his cats.

He looks entirely too content.

The clip switches to Connor. He's less excited, shrugging his shoulders and says, "We were going to make it pure vodka night, but vodka makes Nines really sick, so - he'll be having whisky instead. So, it's a mixed night."

Back to Caleb. He says, "Connor's going down the vodka route. Nines is going down the whisky route. And I, will be matching them drink for drink."

From behind the camera, Nines says, "no he's not."

"You're not my older brother Nines," Caleb sticks his tongue out, "you're the younger one. Your rules mean nothing."

A long-suffering sigh, as Nines states, "I think one of us might actually die."

* * *

Vodka - and Whisky - night begins at the Anderson's office. It's impossible to fully understand why they're starting at their office, and why so early, since the time stamp says it's seven in the evening, but Caleb slams three shot glasses on the table and glances at both of his brothers.

Then, he brings out both a bottle of vodka, and a bottle of whisky.

"Please don't try and match us on drinks," Connor says, looking only mildly concerned. "Mixing drinks is a horrible idea."

Caleb shrugs his shoulders, mutters something under his breath about how he's going to do his own thing and suffer the consequences tomorrow and refuses any of their worries. As his brothers both take shots of their own, Caleb matches them.

He sends the camera a grin and says, _"tonight is gonna be fucking sweet."_

"This time," Connor says, looking at the camera, "we've got two cameramen just in case we lose Caleb part way though. Luther and Kara."

They turn the cameras so that the other youtubers can be seen. Kara offers a smile and a wave. Luther offers a nod.

"I am very sorry in advance," Nines says, "for any of the shit that happens tonight. Whisky night is going to be horrible."

Caleb offers a grin. He says, "it's gonna be great, don't worry about it. Kara, you're my designated video camera for tonight, are you gonna drink with us?"

The camera swings back to Kara. She presses her lips together, seems almost like she's going to deny it outright. Then, a cheerfulness fills her eyes and she says, "not nearly as much as you will, but maybe one or two."

"You are my queen," Caleb says, rushing forward to kiss her cheek.

* * *

They migrate at some point, because after another shot - two more on Caleb's end - they seem to migrate to a work party.

"The Traci's are having a party," Caleb whispers to Kara as they head through the door. By the time they've even arrived, they've already weaved off course twice. Unlike his brothers, who have brought the bottle with them, he had been banned of holding any spirits while on the taxi ride over.

The 'Traci's' are a couple that they work with. Traci, and her girlfriend Amy - the soon to be, 'Miss Traci', hence Caleb's nickname for the pair. Traci, blue-haired, is the wilder of the two women, and is a recognisable drinking buddy from Caleb's snapchats.

"Anderson's!" Traci calls as they enter the apartment. She cheers as Caleb wraps his arms around her, lifts her in a bear hug. She hugs him back, squeezes the same amount that he seems to.

"Traci's!"

Nines seems to pry Caleb from the hug, allowing Traci to greet the others. Caleb pouts at the camera - it's just Luther manning the camera now, Kara has hers away while the triplets are all together - before making his way over to Amy.

The hug that follows is equally as warm but lacking the excitement that Traci had shown. This time, Nines doesn't need to pull his brother away.

"Your girlfriend gives the best hugs," Caleb says, nodding at Amy. The shorter, brunette woman offers a nod in response, although hers is slightly confused. A few seconds seem to pass, and then Caleb declares the need for more shots.

"I think," Nines says, as the camera turns to face him. His cheeks are slightly flushed, but he seems otherwise like his usual self. "That we're going to have to hide it every time we start drinking. He really is serious about matching us."

The video offers clips of the men pouring drinks. They're adding it to mixers now, cola designed to make the taste less horrible. The only problem is that every time Caleb goes to pour drinks, he seems to completely ignore the general rule of what a shot is and keeps pouring until someone around him forces him to stop.

* * *

  _[Once again, the video loops back to Cole, sat in a chair and staring ever so slightly past the camera. He's imitating Nines' habit of steepling his fingers, something which looks both adorable and silly on someone so young._

_"Binge drinking," Cole says, "is where someone drinks a lot of alcohol in one sitting, or one day. It can be really dangerous and can cause damage to your body."_

_The camera turns ever so slightly to Caleb, who's been leaning watching from the door. He raises a hand, in a half shrug, and blinks slowly. It seems almost as if, for a moment, he is innocent, as he mouths, 'who, me?']_

* * *

 "You know what?" Connor says, at the party, as he pours himself another drink. His voice is slightly slurred now, and there is a faint huff of amusement from the other side of the party. "I hate vodka, it's basically just rotting potato juice. Why are drinking rotting potato juice?"

He takes a few steps towards Nines, who’s nursing a plastic cup of whisky he’s been handed, putting a hand on his shoulder. He shakes his head and says, “fucking potato juice man.”

Nines lifts his glass up, makes eye contact with Connor and nods towards his whisky. “Grain juice.”

In one smooth motion, the two men lift their cups up – red, plastic, something entirely out of a movie – and ‘clink’ them together. The alcohol sloshes as they do so, but luckily, nothing spills. Both men lift their cups, seem to make a show of challenging one another to see how quickly they can drink, finishing within seconds of each other.

"Nines," Luther says, behind the camera. "Your tolerance isn't like Connor's-"

"It's fucking _*bleep*"_ His name is bleeped out of the video. Then Nines blinks, watches as Connor lets out a short laugh. He continues, "oh wait... on Youtube I don't go by * _bleep*."_

* * *

_[Once again, the video returns to Cole. His shirt has changed now, and in place of a t-shirt, there's a white shirt with thin blue stripes on it. He looks almost like someone's going to send him to prom too many years too early. He pulls at a light blue tie that's around his neck, before dropping his hand._

_"Binge drinking leads to poor co-co-," he pauses, squints as he leans forward in his seat. "co-ordination in others and can lead to people making really bad decisions."]_

* * *

This time the camera settles on Caleb. He's away from his brothers, in a different room, speaking to one of the Traci's' many guests, someone that he's seemingly never met before. Kara, beside them, is doing her best to stifle her own laughter, lest she receive a glare from either of the drunken adults.

"You ready to go?" Caleb slurs. He's already leaning forward, arm slung around the woman he's been talking to.

"Mmm," the woman hums. Then, "are your brothers coming to the strip club with us?"

Caleb bursts into laughter. He lifts his cup up, finishes what's inside. He says, "Nines and Connor wouldn't go to a strip club."

A second passes. The video cuts to Connor shaking his head. He says, "We're not going to a strip club."

_[Another time jump. Nines is in bed, groaning as he runs a hand through his hair. He mumbles at the camera, "I can't believe we went to a fucking strip club."]_

* * *

The scene cuts back to the group now, as they close the door to a taxi behind them. It's a big taxi, big enough to get the six of them in. The three Anderson brothers, Kara, Luther, and the mystery girl Caleb has been invited to said strip club by.

It all seems like a very odd set up, and for a moment they are all content in not bringing it up. That is, until Caleb slowly leans towards his brother, resting his chin on the man's shoulder. As if a robot, Nines very slowly moves his head to glance at his brother.

"Do you think Gavin's gonna be mad when he finds out we're going to a strip club?"

Nines' eyes go comically wide. It is almost as if the words themselves are enough to sober him up, and within seconds, he's managed to push his brother away, into Connor, - "Bump into me again Caleb, and I will fight you." "Yeah, yeah, shut up and drink the rest of your drink." - and shimmy his phone out of his pocket.

He presses 5 on speed dial.

Or rather he thinks he does.

At the same time, Caleb's phone starts to meow. It is a symphony of cat noises, and for a moment, Caleb simply closes his eyes and revels in the sound of his favourite animal. Then, he pulls his own phone from his pocket, presses answer without so much as glances at caller ID, and offers a small 'lo?'

"Gavin - We're strip clubbing it up. It's for this video-"

"Dude," Caleb says, "shut up, all I can hear is you while I'm trying to listen to the phone-"

Nines, as if realising his own mistake, freezes. Kara's laughter is light, bell-like, and it fills the taxi, almost like helium. Luther joins in, but it seems none of the brothers do. Connor, not truly paying attention, glances at the camera and tilts his head, almost like a confused puppy.

Nine's slowly turns to his brother again. He blinks. Then, with such speed, he leans forward, snatches Caleb's phone from him and hangs up the call.

Caleb does not take his phone back. He simply turns to look at Connor, pokes him in the shoulder and whispers, "Nines will fight you."

Connor's eyes seem to shine at the concept. He goes to move, only for Kara to click her tongue and state that there will be no fights in the car. At that point, he sinks back into his seat like a sullen teenager.

Nines, during this time, has managed to redial, offers a small huff as he realises he's gotten the right number this time, and lifts his phone to his ear. He presses Caleb's phone back against his brother's chest, lets it drop into Caleb's lap.

_"Fight him Connor."_

"Gavin," Nines says now, seeming to receive a response. He pauses, scrunches his nose. "Yeah, I know what fucking time it is - I don't fucking care if I woke you, I have a question. Strip club. Will you be mad if I go to one?"

He pauses for a little while longer, then, his lips quirk up. Nines continues, "it's for a video." Another pause, now Nines frowns, "hey fuck you, you love my videos." Another pause. "I accept to your conditions."

Caleb takes a moment to stare at the camera, mouth 'conditions?', and raise an eyebrow.

"Don't worry babe," Nines says, "I won’t get any lap dances."

He ends the call, and for a quick second, turns to the camera and winks. He says, "I'm en-route to a strip club, and my engagement is still functional. Thank you whisky night."

They leave the taxi.

Connor glances at the strip club - it's seems to have its own runway leading down to the entrance, with hot pink and lilac LEDs lighting the way down the walkway. It's labelled, Eden's Club. It's the kind of building that's sleazy to look at during the day, but somehow comes to life at night.

"There's only one thing to do when you're drinking Vodka," Connor claims, oblivious to the fact that Caleb is already heading inside, is being followed by Kara's camera. _"And that's go to a motherfucking strip club."_

* * *

_[The video switches over to Connor. He's sat against the white backdrop, and he holds his hands up close to his mouth, almost as if he's praying. He takes a moment to breath, before glancing up._

_"Vodka night got crazy." He says._

_The video quickly cuts to various tweets questioning the night - tweets asking about the product of Caleb's snapchats, people shouting about the product of Instagram posts and an uploaded Jericho video._

_"Vodka night got_ too _crazy."]_

* * *

Jericho's next uploaded video isn't a livestream. It's a fully edited video - a rarity, with their videos - and it is labelled: What we did for North's birthday. The thumbnail has North standing wide-eyed, staring at the camera in shock. The colour scheme around her, is hot pink, and lavender.

"You know what," Markus whispers to the camera, pointing off the side, "just one of these days I want to meet Connor Anderson without being thrown completely off guard."

The camera turns, and dancing at the bar, is Connor. While waiting for the bartender to take his order, his feet seem to slide across the floor, his shoulders bump along to the music, elbows lifting ever so slightly as he moves from left to right.

Beside him, Nines is shaking his head, refusing the calls of Caleb begging him to dance.

Caleb turns, as if sensing the camera, and flashes them a smile.

"Fuck," Simon says, holding the camera, "abort the filming, _abort the filming."_

The image afterwards is blurred, intentionally, before it refocuses on Caleb.

He’s nearer now, shows up with two shot glasses in his hand. He offers a smile. When he speaks, he slurs: "wow, what're the chances we'd see someone famous at a strip club. Fucking lit, am I right?"

He seems like someone who's reached their limit on alcohol but has decided to push past it. He lifts one shot up, a whisky shot and downs it in one. Then, the vodka shot.

The other members of Jericho seem to appear on screen now, and they are all giving Caleb the same slightly awed looks. Either Caleb is used to receiving such looks, or he's too drunk to notice, because he overlooks it almost immediately.

"Josh," Simon says, from behind the camera, "check my pulse, I think I'm dying."

Caleb's eyes widen. For some reason, he pushes the two shot glasses into his jacket pocket, reaches forward to towards the camera and moves past it. There is a soft mumble of, "kitty kisses can cure even death."

"This is not real." North says, and then, they are bombarded with the other Anderson brothers.

From the slight stutters that echoes behind the camera, it's quite obvious that Caleb's 'kitty kisses' can cause death as well. The man seems so stunned that Josh leans forward, takes control of the camera from him. For the first time in a while, Simon's face flashes onto the screen. They do not manage to capture what had brought the stutters - Nines is pulling his brother away - but the man looks faintly shell-shocked.

"Oh no," Josh says, "another fatality to the Anderson brothers."

"Sorry about him," Nines says, looking at the group. He's trying to look stoic, but he's clearly drunk enough for all his tension to have left him behind. He pokes Caleb in the chest, "he's... special."

"Everyone likes kitty kisses Nines," Caleb sighs, _"everyone."_

"Uh...." Simon says now, seeming to collect himself, "it's fine. Don't worry about it. He just caught me off guard, that's all."

"As a sorry," Caleb slurs, "how about a round o' shots on me."

North lets out a small cheer, but the other Anderson brothers seem horrified at the idea. They go to say no, but Caleb has already wrapped an arm around North's shoulder – “your main cameraman is blonde too?” – and is guiding her to the bar. Josh seems to throw the camera back at Simon, chases after them with the words, "North we don't want a repeat of the Jenner incident".

Nines glances at Connor, says, "I think I have to go make sure he doesn't kill himself."

He leaves Connor and Markus alone. (With Simon as the cameraman and a suddenly enthusiastic yet quiet third wheel).

"Jericrew right?" Connor says, "you were streaming when I jumped from the window."

Markus nods. He seems incapable of speaking again, there is a small snort from behind the camera. Markus flashes him a glare.

"You gave me your share of the gummies," Connor says and his smile is light. Markus nods again, cheeks dusting red as Connor puts a hand on his shoulder and says, "you have my loyalty, I'll fight anyone you want me to."

Connor pauses. Tilts his head and says, "to be fair, I'm ready to fight any _\- holy fuck the public are allowed to dance on the poles here?"_

He's gone before Markus can say anything else.

“He really is like a puppy,” Simon whispers.

* * *

The Anderson brothers' video goes to Nine's groaning with a pillow over his head. Glancing up at the camera, he says, "fuck, Gavin, everything hurts."

Gavin's voice contains barely concealed humour. He says, "hey babe, how was the strip club?"

Nines goes to lift his middle finger, gets halfway through the motions, before dropping his arm completely. He groans, "fuck off."

The video shifts to Connor now. He's unmoving from where he's sprawled on the bed, sumo splayed across the edge of the bed, suggesting that while he'd gotten home safely, he's not actually gone to his apartment. This is further supported by Hank's voice asking, "Con, you alright?"

The resulting conversation is muffled into a pillow. As Hank asks again, he slowly lifts his head up and croaks, "I think I'm gonna be sick."

Hank, supportive father that he is, places the camera on the side, and comes into view, moving towards his son. He helps his son up - Connor is pale, looks like he's going to throw up - before hesitating. He moves forward to pick up a small clip with a wad of ten-dollar bills.

"Connor," Hank says, slowly. "The fuck is this?"

Connor is just sober enough to translate the question from 'what' to 'why'. He squints, shrugs and mumbles, "that looks like more than I can get from an ATM, must have sold something."

* * *

"You know," Caleb says, grinning as he walks down the road, headphones in his ears as he walks down the street. "I'm feeling pretty great after last night. I feel like we should go out as a group more often."

* * *

_[Cole glances at the camera, offers a highly faked wince and says, "hangovers hurt. I think it's your body's way of telling you not to do it again, even though most people forget the pain of it all as soon as the pain goes away. Some people don't even get hangovers."_

_Again, the camera turns to Caleb. This time, he's holding a small sign that reads, 'I'm lucky'.]_

The third weekend is wine night. There's a small cartoon of a wine glass, filled with red wine. Connor is the one who appears under the sign 'wine' and he brings the camera back and forth across his face, speaking in a staggered voice: "wine. makes. me. want. to. be. fancy."

He brings the camera back, offers a grin. He's wearing a light pearl grey shirt, the top three buttons open. Over it, is an aluminium waistcoat. It's a classy look, something completely odd in comparison to his usual lack of effort in fashion.

Connor winks at the camera.

A change in scenery shows Connor heading opening the door to the liqueur store. The bell rings as they enter. He enters with Nines - the other brother who's simply in jeans and a black t-shirt, ridiculously under-dressed in comparison - and sings, "it the third night, it's wine night."

He makes a beeline towards the wine aisle, and without any thought, picks two bottles and passes them to Nines. Then, he picks up a third, this one he holds onto.

"This is the night I've been waiting for," Connor admits. "Wine is my favourite - you always look fucking classy with a wine glass in hand. Nines and I are in charge of getting our pre-drinks, so we're getting my top three red wine brands. We're forgoing white, because fuck _white wine."_

They head towards the counter, get ready to pay.

"Do you guys have like, a little brown bag that I put one of these into?" Connor says. He turns to Nines now, answers the questioning look by adding, "I'm trying to relive high school. God, I was so classy back then."

The scene jumps to Connor and Nines closing the store door behind them. Then, to Connor removing the cork to one of the wine bottles. It is wrapped in a brown paper bag, and he falls into a faint skip as they start to head down the road, taking regular sips.

"I'm generally pretty chill when I'm drinking wine," Connor admits. "I'm not expecting to fight anyone while drinking red."

For someone who has claimed that he often fights when drinking, he's not actually fought anyone. The earlier comment stating he's 'more bark than bite' seems almost like it had been founded in sarcasm.

"We're on our way to Nines' apartment now, gonna start pres there. Maybe we can convince Nines to suit up or something. You always need to be dressed up for wine."

Nines is shaking his head.

"Wine night!"

* * *

"It's been a Friday," Caleb says, as he steps inside of the apartment. He's brought his own wine - white, which Connor immediately scrunches his nose at, seemingly disappointed.

"It's been a Friday," Nines agrees, clinking glances with his brother.

_[Over footage of the three hanging out in the living room, a snap-chat of Connor dancing along to music from the old anime Bleach from the early 2000s, Caleb says, "Some wine at Nines' apartment, we drank there."_

_The footage swaps to another house. It's a classy looking house, with a red and white theme. Caleb holds up a glass with a slim, blonde woman, leans to kiss her cheek, "got some more wine at Chloe's pizza party, drank more there."_

_"And then of course, we went to a restaurant." The footage shows a group of at least ten people all raising wine glasses, surrounded by red meat food dishes. Nines is shown cutting into steak, Connor reaching over to drain his brother's wine glass, "Which I think, is the most fitting place to drink wine."]_

At the restaurant, Connor leans closely to Caleb, says, "teeth check."

They bare their teeth at the camera, show teeth that are perfectly white, no stains from the wine.

"Tongue check!" Caleb says now, and the two stick their tongues out at the camera, the two of them creating the same sound of _‘aaaah’_ as they extend the muscle.

* * *

_["There's only really one thing wrong with drinking wine," Nines says, leaning forward on his stool. "It can leave you super tired."]_

At the restaurant, both Nines and Caleb are visibly running out of energy. Connor seems wide awake, appears restless in his seat, but the others are like wilting flowers, their eyelids seemingly growing heavier and heavier. Caleb seems to have decided that Nines' shoulder is his new pillow.

The two brothers lean on each other, and then the camera turns, focuses on Connor dancing as part of a group, the movements coordinated.

"Connor," Caleb calls, ignored by the dancing man, "carry me home."

The camera shifts, edited to show Connor staring down at Caleb. Caleb, who's quietly snoring against the table of their booth, resting his forehead in his hands.

"I don't know why I fucking invite him for wine night," he says, shaking his head. "He always fucking, falls asleep before we can get to the good bits."

He leans forward now, lifts his brother's arm up and lifts him up. His brother opens an eye, blinks slowly, and then mumbles something incoherent. Connor seems to drag him forward out of the booth, and then, lifts his brother into a bridal carry.

"I feel like we're in an action movie," Connor says. Nines follows him out of the bar, rubbing at his own eyes. Connor bumps shoulders with Nines, catches his attention. "Is Gavin here yet to pick you up?"

A small nod. Nines says, "sent a text telling me to hurry the fuck up about ten minutes ago."

Connor snorts. "You're such a dick."

* * *

Gavin Reed, Nines' fiancé, has not showed up in person on one of Nines' videos before. His voice has, and he's been seen in the photographs that are littered around the apartment the men share, but he's never been spotted. Now however, he appears. He wears a brown leather jacket, something that Nines has been seen wearing in some of the videos. From the way it fits Gavin better than Nines, it's clear to see who steals the clothes out of the two.

The man isn't focuses on Nines, is watching the road as he drives. The video has begun halfway through a conversation, with Nines trying to convince the detective to take a different route back to their apartment - preferably one that takes them past a drive thru.

"It's 1 a.m _*bleep*,_ we're not going to get take-out." Gavin says, shaking his head. "Everyone knows you don't feed any of you fucking Anderson brothers after midnight."

"I'm not a fucking gremlin," Nines complains, earning a huff of a laugh from the other man. They turn a corner, seem to get further from away from the possibility of take-out. There a pause, "I buy you pizza when you want it at 3 in the morning."

"When I'm working overnight," Gavin protests.

"Same fucking thing," Nines says, "it's food. Feed me."

"Ugh, fine, since his highness wants it, but you’re paying." He pulls into a side street, turns the car around, and resumes down the route Nines has been urging him to take. As they stop at traffic lights, Gavin offers a quick glance over at the camera.

It is plain to see that Gavin Reed is a handsome man. He's what Nines has stated in previous videos as 'aesthetically pleasing'. His hair, mostly slicked back, has a few stands that won't stay back, and the bridge of his nose has a scar that looks like it'll never properly heal. He's not shaved in a few days, but instead of looking messy, he appears rugged.

_"*Bleep*_ get that fucking thing out my face," Gavin says, although there's a lack of hostility there. More a biting tone than an angry one.

"Make me," Nines mumbles, but the footage cuts out anyway.

_[The car is parked in the next clip, although this time, the camera is faced towards the passenger seat. The car is parked. Nines' head is leaning against the window - he's asleep. On his lap, is a bag of take-out._

_"I take the fucker for food," Gavin says, "and he falls asleep before he can even finish it. Prick."]_

* * *

Week four. The final Friday evening.

Caleb pops up from the bottom of the panel, hands covering both sides of his face with a look of pure ecstasy on his face. His eyes gleam, seem to reflect light out of them, glowing with excitement. He says, "Tequila night is finally here."

Caleb reaches forward, grabs the camera and turns it so that it faces Nines by the door. The man is leaning against the wall, expression far away, but as soon as he notices the camera, he says, "this is the one I've feared the most."

The camera turns again. Turning around to Connor, where he's stood operating their camera equipment. He says, "this is the one that's going to be the wildest. But I've already promised our photographer we'll be chill."

He pauses.

"We're not going to be chill."

* * *

_["From a biological view," Cole says, pushing the glasses up his nose, "shots are going to affect you a lot quicker than wine and beer does. It's got a higher percentage of alcohol, so your body processes it more quickly. Let's see what it's like."_

_Cole is handed a shot glass, and he glances at it. Then, in one fluid motion, he drinks the shot. On the video, typed out beside an asterisk in white letters, is a note:_ he's drinking apple juice.

_"I'm not really feeling it." Cole says.]_

* * *

"To the mistakes that will be made," Nines sighs, clinking his shot glass against his brothers' glass. The camera cuts to what must be a while later, the three of them dancing in Caleb's apartment, cats watching them from where they lay on the couch.

"Four shots in little over an hour," Connor says, as he makes eye contact with the camera. "And I don't feel drunk yet, which is a problem. But I think Nines is starting to feel it."

He nods towards his brother, and for the next few seconds, the video just shows the man's dancing. There have been theories about just how bad a dancer Nines must be, but now, faced with a consistent beat, the more stoic of the triplets proves the theories wrong.

"We're being blessed," Caleb says, from where he's beside Nines, trying to follow his dance moves. It's impossible to replicate them with the same fluidity, the same ease and confidence. "But it really reminds me just how much I suck at dancing."

"He moves too quickly that I'm not even gonna try copying," Connor says, deciding on his own different dance. He's not a bad dancer, the previous clip from their vodka night has proven than, but beside his brother, it seems like he's 'dad-dancing'.

* * *

The camera switches over to a bus stop. The boys all waiting for the bus. Caleb is dancing to the sound of a car alarm going off, Nines laughing, holding his ribs from where cackling too much.

"I didn't feel any of it," Connor says to the camera. He lets out a breathless laugh, runs a hand down his face, looking slightly wide-eyed. "And now I feel a lot."

The bus arrives, and they board. They sit at the back of the bus - "because we're cool kids," - pushing each other out of the way as they try to claim the window seats. Connor is the one who ends up in the middle, and he looks wholly outraged by such a fact.

"Caleb," he says, seeming to decide that out of both Caleb and Nines, he's got a better chance of convincing said man to move. "I'm evicting you."

Caleb lifts up his bus ticket, "I paid my rent."

"Eviction!" Connor calls, and pounces across the chairs to scuffle with the other triplet.

The scuffle ends with Connor wedging himself by the window seat, Caleb pouting to the side, rubbing at his arm.

"You'll regret this," Caleb says now. "Won't he, Nines?"

"Aren't we making Connor edit this video?" Nines says now. "We can just make this difficult for him as revenge."

Connor tuts from his place by the window. Caleb grins.

Nines' voice follows. "Have fun editing all the sounds in."

The video proceeds to hold twenty-seven individual duck horn noises. A small counter keeps racks up, labelled _'times Nines uses own name in public'_ , in the bottom right corner.

* * *

The camera cuts to various clips of the brothers at the club. Each are only seconds long, blending into the next to give a general picture of what their night is like. It includes the triplets dancing, drinking shots. There's a lot of footage of people recognising them, with the men drinking shots with random strangers.

"I've drunk too many shots that I can't even remember my name," Nines whispers conspiratorially to the camera in one clip. "I guess I really am Nines now."

Another clip has both Connor and Nines in the outside area, grabbing some fresh air. Caleb is nowhere to be seen, and the pair are quick to explain why. Connor says, "Caleb's been in the toilets just over there," - he points off camera - "for about ten minutes now. We're pretty sure he's finally dying."

The clip transitions, "it's been fifteen minutes."

Another transition, and the camera swings to Caleb staggering outside of the male bathrooms. He's slightly pale, but he grins anyway. He comes to a stop in front of his brothers, leans on one of them, and slurs, "I'm okay to keep going. Next round!"

Nines shakes his head. "It's water time for Caleb."

"I'm Caleb..." said man says, "and I don't think it's water time."

"Too late," Connor says, taking the other side, "we're already there. No more dying. You’re benched."

Caleb pouts, but he does not refuse the water bottle they push into his hands.

* * *

"We're being kicked out," Caleb grins, looking around the club. It's closing, and as such, people are slowly filtering out of the club. They're being ushered out by security, stop after a moment to pick up jackets from the cloakroom, before outside.

"Burgers?" Connor says, and receives a nod from the other two. He looks at the camera almost in shock and whispers, "guys, we're three blocks away from the Chicken Feed."

Almost immediately, as if supporting the triplet-telepathy theory, they seem to have decided they're going to head to the food van. The video has cuts of the three brothers messing with each other as they walk, pushing each other and giving piggyback rides.

Then, the van is in front of them, and Caleb is waving to a man who's stood, making up food. He shouts, "Gary!"

The man - Gary - wears a hat, and an apron, both with the words 'Chicken Feed' scrawled across them and offers a responding, "Andersons! You guys having your usual?"

They've talked about the Chicken Feed in previous videos, have mentioned how Hank had taken them there a lot as kids, and how it's one of their go-to food places, but this is the first time a video has shown the place in full.

The brothers nod. They watch as Gary readies their food, before turning to each other and settling into casual conversation. The triplets are talking about future videos, when a voice forces them to stop.

"God, you're serving _*bleep*_ here now Gary?"

From the way the triplets fall quiet, it's obvious that it's not Nines' name that's being cut out. The censoring is a different sound too, is that of a siren. Among the triplets, Connor turns, previous smile falling away into something colder as he says, "hey dude, maybe cut it out with that kind of language."

The man turns - his face is blurred in the video, so it's impossible to tell what his expression is like. "I'm just calling it as I see it, just a bunch of _*bleep*."_

Nines' slowly lifts a hand up, places it on Connor's shoulder.

"Fucking say that again," comes the retort. "I dare you."

The man does - another cut out word.

"Con wait-"

Connor lunges.

* * *

_[The video turns to static, a rainbow of colours. Caleb steps into view, arms crossed. He swallows, and then says, "you obviously don't want to watch a fight, so have a video of Castor playing with a laser pen."_

_For the next five seconds, the video quality decreased to that of a phone camera and shows Castor the kitten chasing a little red dot on the floor.]_

When they transition to the next clip, it is still by the Chicken Feed. However, the camera is lit up with red and blue flashes. The camera swings towards a police car, the man from before being pushed into the back seat. Then, it swings to the other side, to another police car.

Connor is being pushed into the back of this police car.

"Oh shit," Nines mutters, "I'm going to call Gavin."

"At least he won," Caleb says at the side.

* * *

_[Cole is wearing a sweater over his shirt now, looks much to smart for a nine-year-old, to the point where it's almost strange. Somehow, wearing this, he looks the most responsible of all the Anderson brothers._

_"The maximum of alcohol that you can drink, that's considered healthy," the boy says, "no more than five drinks in a day for men, or four drinks in women. Doing things that you later go on to regret, when drinking, could be a sign that you have a problem.]_

The camera cuts to Connor standing in a holding cell at the police station.

"Fighting is bad. I don't condone it." He leans forward against the bars, looking more like he's in a photo shoot that a police station. His hair is mussed, all over the place. There is a small cut on his lip, but otherwise, he looks unharmed. "Do as I say, not as I do. It's bad to fight."

Saying this though, seems counterproductive, since his eyes are shining, and he appears smug the entire time. He pauses, blinks past the camera and adds, "hey, do I have to stay here all night, or can I leave?"

* * *

"So," it's Caleb, the following morning. He's sat in the passenger seat of the car, parked in front of the police station.  "they decided to keep Connor until the morning to prove a point. We're gonna go pick him up, since he needs a ride home."

Behind the camera, there's a snort.

"We could have gotten here a little earlier," Caleb says now, "but Connor decided to steal the window seat from me yesterday, so now we're fashionably late."

As they open the doors, the camera turning to accommodate them leaving the car, a flash of blonde hair can be seen in the rear-view mirror. Once they’re out of the car, they slowly start walking towards the station doors.

The video jumps, Caleb is stood by a holding cell, Connor stood on the other side.

"You said you were on your way two hours ago," Connor says, exasperated.

He receives a shrug from Caleb and the words, "this is revenge."

Now, Connor glances past the camera. At the figure behind the camera. His expression becomes almost betrayed, "I expected this from Caleb. But why would you let him talk you into this."

"You told me it was going to be a chilled night," comes a masculine voice, disappointed, " _you lied to me, Connor."_

Connor flashes a grin. He says, “I bet this is revenge for Canada isn’t it?”

“Canada?” Caleb tilts his head. “What happened in Canada?”

* * *

With the experimental weeks over, the video returns to the triplets sitting against the white drop. Connor looks entirely smug. Nines has his face in his hands.

"So," Caleb says, "I think that this was a brilliant idea, don't you guys think so?"

Connor nods his head, he says, "I solved a case while I was at the station. They let me sit by the desk while they processed me."

Nines pauses. Slowly he looks up, stares into the camera and without any emotion infused into his voice, says: "the hangovers only proved that alcohol is poison and it wants to kill me."

"So," Caleb crosses his arms now. "Since we're trying to see which drink fucks us up the most, which one won?"

Simultaneously, the men declare tequila as the worst.

"But," Caleb says, lifting a finger up, "it's also best if you think about just how much of a good night it can bring. So, it's also the best. Maybe the real friends were the hangovers you guys gained along the way."

The videos outro shows. Blue ring repeating the clip of Connor dancing at the bar. Yellow shows Caleb's snapchat of him taking over as a host at the bar. And the red showing Nines, having fallen asleep in the passenger seat.

The after credits cuts to Cole, PhD. He says, "please be responsible with alcohol everyone." A pause. "And Nines' is my favouri-"

The nine-year-old cuts himself off, lets out a small laugh. The camera moves from him, from the set of an office, to the side. Nines' is stood holding large cue cards with what is supposedly the script. On the board, the words _'Nines' is my favourite brother'_ are written.

Nines glances at the camera, down at the board, and slowly hides it behind his back.

* * *

The video starts fading, from brighter colours, back into pinks and purples. Caleb's face comes into view, as he whispers, "I'm going to give every new member of the cat revolution a kitty kiss."

The next twenty seconds are flashes of him catching random people off guard by rubbing his nose against there's, imitating a cat. Then, it ends with him leaning into the camera, rubbing his nose against the lens, before pulling back with a low laugh.

The video finishes.

* * *

  _4,304 comments_

_SparklyNovaLuver_

I'M PART OF THE CAT REVOLUTION

-

_marrymesenpai_

Caleb is what we would call: A functional alcoholic.

No but seriously, how is he still alive

-

_Orioooooooooooon_

CONNOR WHAT

-

_dressedtothenines_

ASDA;DFHDLKGKJBDB that moment when you phone your fiance so you have permission to go to a strip club

-

_Connorsfightclub_

Is it bad that I find murderous Connor hot though…..?

          _ToMuchInformatiiiion_

I’d pay for him to punch me any day #thirstyaf

* * *

**_Niners_ **

So many casualties.

_[Gif of Markus blushing as Connor talks to him.]_

_[Gif of Caleb with his arm around North's shoulder.]_

_[Gif of Simon stuttering as Josh takes the camera from him.]_

_32,232 notes_

#jericho #theonlyonetosurvivewasjosh #wtf #westan

-

**_Nyaaaaan_ **

Get you a man who can do both.

_[Picture of Connor smiling brightly, hugging Sumo.]_

_[Picture of Connor at the chicken feed, glaring.]_

_12,034 notes_

#he'ssuchanangeryboi #butalsosopure #wasnotexpectingthatplottwist #scary #Ilove #connoranderson #andersons

-

_**Nyoooooomstonewcontent** _

YOUR THEORIES WERE WRONG

_[Gif of Nines dancing, with the caption, 'haters gon hate, but Imma dance']_

_36,742 notes_

#ninesanderson #nines #cnamewedontknowyet #HECANDANCEIFHEWANTSTO #HECANLEAVEHISFRIENDSBEHIND #CAUSEHISFRIENDSDONTDANCE #ANDIFTHEYCANTDANCE #THENTHEY'RENOFRIENDSTONINES

-

**_DOKI-DOKI_ **

He protecc

_[Gif of Connor carrying Caleb in a bridal hold]_

He attac

[ _Gif of Connor lunging, teeth gritted]_

But most importantly, he a snacc

_[Gif of Connor stood in the prison cell, with a smug yet rugged expression.]_

_120,022 notes_

#connoranderson #ilovehimsomuch #calebanderson

-

**_WeStanNova_ **

Caleb is such a freak, how is he still alive

doN’T mess with him, he has the power of cats and alcohol on his side.

_12,023 notes_

#calebanderson #catgodconfirmed #howdidhenotgetalcoholpoisoningfromthis

-

**_Futureandersonhusband_ **

_[Gif of Nines phoning Gavin about the strip club]_

_[Gif of Gavin driving with the caption, ‘don’t feed any fucking Andersons after midnight’]_

_[Gif of Gavin laughing with the caption, ‘I’m not a fucking gremlin’]_

_[Gif of Nines asleep in the car, with take-out on his lap.]_

GAVIN AND NINES’ RELATIONSHIP IS #GOALS

_67,034 notes_

#NinesAnderson #FutureMRNinesAnderson #Gavin #NinesxGavin #Reed9s #relationshipgoals #goals

* * *

**JeriCrew** _@jericho_ 9hr

Simon’s older brother has betrayed us. #betrayal #whereisthelove

> [ **AWildDanielAppears** _@mynameisdaniel_ 8hr
> 
> ??
> 
> **Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 8hr
> 
> He betrays everyone RT _@jericho_ Simon’s older brother has betrayed us. #betrayal #whereisthelove
> 
> **Gayparanoia** _@markuswithak_ 7hr
> 
> We can’t even with you right now _@mynameisdaniel @jericho_
> 
> **Sigh-Mon** _@jericrewsimon_ 5hr
> 
> You know the Anderson brothers? And we never knew RT _@mynameisdaniel_??
> 
> **Nines** _@officialnines_ 5hr
> 
> Connor met Daniel in college. How did you not know? RT _@jericrewsimon_ You know the Anderson brothers? And we never knew
> 
> **Gayparanoia** _markuswithak_ 4hr
> 
> Asdfghjk;jlf RT _@officialnines_ Connor met Daniel in college. How did you now know?
> 
> **Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 3hr
> 
> WHAT HAPPENED IN CANADA THO @eldestandersonboi @mynameisdaniel

* * *

**Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 6m

If you meet people at the strip club it’s only natural that you should collab, right? @jericho

> [ **JeriCrew** _@jericho_ 3m
> 
> !!!!!!
> 
> **Nines** _@officialnines 20s_
> 
> _@eldestandersonboi_ secretly wants it


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, it's a race to see if I can manage to write this beginning authors note before people start looking at it because I pressed publish before I was ready to. XD
> 
> Anyway - reverse birthday gift! It's my birthday today but instead of receiving gifts, I thought it would be cool to gift you all with the next update! It's a little shorter than the previous two chapters, but it's still packed with fun! (I think!) Anyway - we see more from Jericho this chapter, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Thanks so much to my Vodka cats! And feel free to join the cat revolution!!! :3

**_Ander-Theories_ **

I think Caleb’s summed up what we all are thinking right now.

_[Picture of Caleb’s tweet reading, ‘WHAT HAPPENED IN CANADA THO’]_

And since, I’m your gal who offers theories and thoughts on all things Anderson relation, I’ve got a few theories for you. More under the cut.

[Read More]

_29,562 notes_

#Andertheories #Connor #Daniel #Caleb #Andersons #Jericho #Askingtherealquestions #whathappenedincanada?

* * *

**JeriCrew** _@jericho_ 4hr

Join our stream tomorrow 1pm EST w/ _@mynameisdaniel_ as we try to uncover what happened in Canada.

* * *

**_Canada?! –_ ** **_Livestream_**

**Jericho. 62k watching**

It’s the livestream that both Jericho fans, and fans of the Anderson brothers are waiting for, so they push past their usual introductions and try to get to the main topic as quickly as they can.

The stream opens with Markus playing on the piano. He usually showcases something as the rest of Jericho set things up for the stream. As such, they’re in the living room, the camera facing a glossy black grand piano. Behind the piano, is an alcove of windows, and light pours in, brightening the room.

Around the alcove, is a large bookcase, which stores all the books that the members of Jericho own, including North's self-defence non-fiction, Markus' classics and Josh's collection of comics.

“Markus,” Simon says. Since they’re in the living room, the camera set on a tripod, the blonde can be seen in the video. Right now, he’s setting mugs on the table, each steaming with favourite drinks of each Jericho member. There is also a fifth cup – for Daniel.

Markus glances up at the camera, lifts his hands from the keys. “Are we ready?”

Simon crosses his arms, heads up to the piano with him. He says, “not quite. Just – in the comments, people are asking you to improve new songs, so why don’t you give us a whirl?”

The stream swaps from one camera, to two. Most of the camera shows the whole living room, while in the bottom corner of the stream, there’s a small box, with Markus’ face appearing. Showing him while he plays the piano.

“Give me a title.”

Simon glances at the laptop open on the living room table – a dark mahogany rectangle – and takes a moment to scroll.

“One suggestion is _‘Broken stars’,”_ Simon says, and Markus changes his piano play to music that seems almost ethereal. The piano keys are harsh, slow moving as his fingers glide across the piano. It’s the kind of piano music that someone would play while the world is ending.

“Okay another suggestion,” Simon continues, “is _–_ oh god, not that one – I found one we’ll all enjoy: _Gay panic in D-major.”_

Markus offers a grin, makes eye contact with the camera and as his fingers caress the piano keys, the music switches to more upbeat, a jazzy tune that seems like a suave croon.

“This seems like a song which demands lyrics,” Markus says, lets out a laugh. “So, I’ll try my best.”

He winks at the camera. The other members of Jericho can be seen entering the room now – North and Josh head towards the sofa, Simon moving to readjust the main camera, turning it from the piano to face the sofa.

“Boy,” Markus says, his voice low, sultry, “sometimes I just have to let you know how I’m feeling. So – I’ve decided to write you this little song, dedicated to explaining everything I’ve been thinking about you.”

The sides of his lips pull upwards. And he offers a small nod to the camera as he continues. “This is for you babe.”

His expression shifts into something akin to horror.

Markus slams his arm as many keys he can, the sound causing members of Jericho to jump, and lets out a screeching, highly-pained noise.

The piano cuts out. Markus looks back at the camera, and bows his head, as if bowing for an audience. He does not speak but there’s the beginning of a smirk on his face as he sits in silence.

Simon lets out a snort.

“That’s such a mood,” Josh says, and with that, the group of Jericho dissolve into laughter.

They settle into their seats, Markus turning off the camera by his piano and jumping onto the sofa beside North. The four of them are all sat on the couch, although they’ve left an obvious gap in the middle.

For their guest of the stream.

“So,” Markus says, opening the livestream and taking control of the situation. He’s the leader, and as such, he’s usually stuck to introduce any guests or to explain what they’re doing. “We don’t normally stream on a Wednesday, because Wednesdays _suck,_ but we needed answers.”

North sighs, “apparently we’re not allowed to beat the answers out of people, so we’re gonna have to interview him instead.”

“Daniel,” Markus says, as if he’s not heard North’s want for violence, “the older brother to our very own Simon, has been holding out on us.”

A flash of pain crosses over Simon’s face. The man shakes his head, a dramatic insinuation that he’s been betrayed.

“Daniel,” Josh calls, “you can come in now.”

“Welcome to our livestream,” Markus says now, “we’re going to be interrogators, eager to learn what exactly Daniel’s been holding back.”

* * *

They start with pleasant conversation, welcoming Daniel to the livestream, but it doesn’t last long. Within seconds, all the formalities have been thrown out the window, the entirety of Jericho turned to face him.

Daniel is sat in the very middle of the sofa – it’s a length thing, long enough that they can all fit with only the slightest need to squish together – and he seems to blink at the sudden attention.

He’s quite like Simon in looks, which is only to be expected in siblings. They have the same light blonde hair, the same shade of blue in their eyes. But where Simon has a soft jawline, Daniel’s is stronger.

“You betrayed us,” North says. She’s the harshest with her words, and as such, she doesn’t mind throwing them straight into the silence that they’ve created. Daniel turns to her, tilts his head in slight confusion.

“I… have?”

“Yes!” North throws her hands up, almost hits Markus who’s quiet behind her, allowing her the time to figure out what they’re doing. “You knew the Anderson’s this entire time, and you’ve not once indicated as such.”

Daniel’s lips twitch upward. Instead of answering anything, he leans forward and picks up his mug, sipping at coffee.

“No words to be said in your defence?” Simon says, crossing his arms. Out of them all, he appears to be the most betrayed. Probably, because it’s his older brother who’s been lying this entire time.

“I…” Daniel’s expression is far too amused for their betrayal to affect him. He says, “I have though…”

“Liar,” North hisses, looking about ready to throw her own coffee over the man. Markus puts a hand on her shoulder, a calm presence behind her that leaves her simply snarling and not _attacking._

“I mean,” Daniel takes another sip of his drink, “at first I tried to let you know, but at some point, you reach a point where you’ve failed to get that information across and so, kind of give up and wait to see how long it takes until people realise.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Josh asks.

“It means I’ve never been hiding it,” Daniel says. He crosses his arms, “I do tell you guys things, you’re just too dense to pick things up.”

Markus leans forward now, as if he’s realised something. He holds his hands together, as if praying, and brings them to his mouth. He says, “Oh shit.”

The other members of Jericho give him a side glance, but he does not react to their questioning expressions. Instead he remains quiet. Daniel gives a slight huff as if realising what Markus has realised.

“Wait,” Josh says, “the only Connor you talk about is the one you used to–”

When he trails off, Daniel nods his head and shrugs. He says, “yeah.”

The other two members of Jericho let similar sounds as they come to the realisation, and they all sit quiet for a moment as they process the information. After a moment, North breathes:

“Holy shit. Your college romance was with _Connor Anderson.”_

The comments section explodes.

Markus, probably so that he has something to do, takes to reading some out. It’s mostly the same, people reacting with confusion, their viewers broken. The Anderson brothers – except Nines – haven’t really declared anything about their love lives. Since they’ve yet to do a Q+A session, it’s never really had the chance to come up.

Now, people are getting an introduction into Connor Anderson’s college days, and so the comments are going wild.

“I can’t keep reading these,” Markus says after declaring some of them. He’s shaking his head, “you guys are getting in the way of what we’re really here for.”

“Details.” North says. She’s staring at Daniel, unblinking. She is the only one who’s seems capable of forming coherent speech that is not dictated through livestream comments.

“Well,” Daniel says, “we met in college, and dated for a while. It didn’t work out, so we broke up but remained friends. That’s pretty much the whole story.”

Josh leans forward. He clasps his hands together. “You’re missing out on a lot of details. We’ll start you off: _what happened in Canada.”_

Daniel’s expression shutters. It’s impossible to see whether he’s exasperated, confused or purely pissed off at the memory, but somehow it seems like a mixture of all three.

“Yeah, no.” Daniel says, “we don’t talk about Canada. Can’t really disclose that memory for a little while longer.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Simon mutters, barely audible. He only receives a shrug from his brother, the only indication that they’re not going to get this particular story out of him.

“Alright,” North says, crossing her hands. “How about Nines’ name. You know it?”

Daniel offers a small nod. Takes a sip of his coffee.

 _“What is it.”_ North says, when he doesn’t make any attempt to tell them anything. She receives a shrug. “You gotta give us some information you know!”

“Nines is Nines,” Daniel says. Another sip of coffee. “And that’s the answer I’m sticking with.”

North huffs. Markus’s head resumes buried in his hands.

“Let me guess,” Josh says, “you’d suffer if you told us and the entire internet along with it.” A nod. “…If we turn the camera off?”

Daniel shakes his head no.

All in all, they are learning absolutely nothing. And the livestream continues like that – trivial details being shared, but nothing that’s really that informative.

“Is there anything you _can_ tell us?” Simon asks, exasperated. Markus finally lowers his hands, picks up his mug. Instead of speaking, he swallows down tea every time it seems like one of his friends are expecting his input.

“Well… Caleb’s love for his cats isn’t overexaggerated in his videos?” Daniel shrugs his shoulders. “Uh… I really don’t know what you’re wanting me to tell you? I mean – I’ve told you guys stories before.”

Josh says, “we didn’t have a face to place the stories too before. Fuck, dude, you never uploaded pictures, we had no way of knowing.”

It is not uncommon knowledge, that Daniel has always been private with his photographs. He’s always preferred keeping printed photographs and keeping USBs than putting them online.

Simon opens his mouth, “ok, question about…”

He stops short. An expression of horror spreads across his face, as he watches his brother. First, Daniel turns to look at him, blinks, confused. Then, the rest of Jericho turn to stare.

“I’ve met Connor.”

Daniel’s expression shifts to something that screams _‘yeah, no shit Sherlock.’_

Now, Simon chokes out, “ _he made me coffee.”_

Josh and North are appalled. They mutter questions of how exactly someone can forget meeting someone else – especially when they’ve been watching his videos for years. They look to Markus for some commentary, but the man simply lifts his cup and holds it by his mouth, continuing to drink.

“It’s not my fault,” he mutters, shaking his head. “He looked so… so different back then. His hair…. _All that leather–”_

Markus chokes on his drink, splutters. Slowly, each of his friends turn to stare. He starts coughing now, the movement violent enough that the tea in his mug spills in trembling hands.

He slowly stands, excuses himself around more coughs and heads off camera. A few seconds pass, and North, shouting at just a loud enough volume that Markus can hear even off screen: “Connor used to wear _Leather?”_

There is a loud bang, and then a muffled cry from the kitchen.

"Fuck," Markus swears, loud enough to be heard by the microphones. "Fuck it's spilling everywhere."

Josh glances at the camera and mouths, "what's spilling everywhere?"

* * *

On the other side of Detroit, Caleb is sat watching the livestream with a grin on his face. He usually tunes into the livestreams whenever he has the time, and as such, his iPad is playing the video feed.

Usually he puts his headphones in, since he knows Connor is editing videos beside him, but today he refuses. Connor’s half watching the stream this time – it’s the first time he’s truly managed to get his brother to watch Jericho’s videos.

And it seems worth it, because Connor snorts as Markus starts to die off camera. His brother isn’t taking the reaction seriously – seems to be assigning the reaction to an internet persona – and as such is simply finding it amusing.

“Hey Con,” Caleb says, grabbing his phone. His brother turns to look at him, tilts his head. “Can we mess with Jericho a bit?”

Connor doesn’t offer a response, which is usually an indication that he needs more information. Caleb doesn’t offer it, simply asks for his brother’s phone instead. Perhaps it is the curiosity that leads him to pass it over, but Connor does.

“This is gonna be great,” Caleb says, as he pulls up Connor’s twitter account. “Connor, you’re gonna have to watch this.”

Connor raises an eyebrow but closes his laptop screen down.

* * *

**Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 10s

It wasn’t THAT much leather _. @jericho @markuswithak_

_[Picture of Connor from college. He is staring off the side of the camera, wearing aviators, his hair slicked back and styled. Atop a white t-shirt, there is a black leather jacket. He has faint stubble on his chin.]_

* * *

Markus returns to the livestream before he sees the tweet.

Everyone knows that he’s not seen it, mainly because he’d left his phone on the table, but also because he manages to coherently make his way back to the sofa, sitting back down with only minimal amounts of stuttering.

He’s brought his mug with him and takes a long sip of the tea inside. Except – with the way North raises her eyebrow at him, it doesn’t really seem like it’s the same drink as before.

She points towards the cup, and after a heavily saturated sigh, Markus shrugs his shoulders.

Then, Josh lets out a faint, “holy shit,” from where he’s scrolling on his phone – at least one member of Jericho is perusing the internet reading comments at a time. Josh is currently that person – and turns his phone so the others can all see.

Daniel reacts first, with a small laugh of, “oh yeah, I remember taking that.”

Then Simon – “That’s it, oh god, I _remember now.”_ – and then North: “Holy shit.”

The last to react is Markus. He takes a glance at the photo, thankfully doesn’t break into choked coughing and slowly nods his head. He seems thoughtful for a moment, lifts his cup and finishes the drink in one go.

Then he stands, still nodding, and slowly heads towards off camera again.

North gives him a side glance, before leaning towards his cup. She collects droplets of the remains of his drink, tastes it before frowning. She says, _“there’s vodka in here – Markus, why are you hiding under the piano.”_

“I live here now.”

* * *

**JeriCrew** _@jericho_ 2hr

 _@eldestandersonboi_ you broke him

_[Picture of Markus on his stomach under the grand piano. His feet are sticking out, and there’s a blanket placed over the piano, making it into a small den.]_

> **Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 1hr
> 
> I didn’t even do anything.
> 
> **Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 50m
> 
> Maybe a collab could send him in the direction of being fixed? _@jericho_
> 
> **CastorStan** _@stealcalebscats_ 45m
> 
> Caleb really wants this. We want it too. RT. Maybe a coolab could send him in the direction of being fixed? _@jericho_
> 
> **Sigh-mon** _@jericrewsimon_ 30m
> 
> Since you broke him, it’s only right that you fix him. _@eldestandersonboi_
> 
> **Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 15s
> 
> My guy will contact your guy _@jericho @jericrewsimon_

* * *

The Anderson’s typically upload their videos on a Thursday.

As such, Markus pops his head out from under the piano on Thursday afternoon, when he knows that the new video is going to be uploaded, and he waits. The rest of Jericho are waiting too, although they all look at him with a grin.

“Hey Markus,” Simon says, “their guy did in fact get in contact with our guy.”

Markus blinks, recalls the twitter post and nods his head. He barely seems like he’s listening though, something that leaves Simon shaking his head, huffing.

“Apparently, Daniel is their people now,” Simon says, “and our guy is Carl. Is it just me, or are the Anderson’s really dramatic?”

There is nothing that Markus will be able to say in response that isn’t a nervous ramble of words at the idea of creating a collaboration with the Anderson triplets, so he remains quiet.

“I’m going to take your silence to mean, _‘I agree wholeheartedly with you Simon, you’re always right’._ ” The blonde says. He nods to himself, leans forward to grab the laptop screen, refreshing it for Markus.

(Since Simon is a brilliant friend who doesn’t shame people for their crushes, he makes certain not to point out the fact that Markus’ eyes light up when he realises there is a newly updated video.)

“Oh wow,” Markus says, glancing at the video’s thumb nail, his eyes flicking across the title. “Anderson brothers take a lie detector test.”

Simon clicks onto the video. He grins and says, “this is going to be interesting.”

Markus can only nod.

* * *

The video opens with Connor.

He’s sat in a plain, military blue hoodie, looking generally pretty chill. He’s sat behind a desk, is leaning forward on it, making eye contact with all the viewers, despite only being a recording.

“Today,” Connor says, “my brothers and I are going to hook ourselves up to a machine to see which of us are the dirty liars, and which of us are the honest angels.”

He takes a moment to stare, but bursts into laughter after a second, reaching to wipe fake tears from his eyes. He shakes his head, “ha, none of us angels, what am I talking about?”

The camera cuts, and the intro plays. Blue, yellow, red.

When it resumes the video, Nines is hooked up to the polygraph, is sat beside a cop. The man isn’t exactly dressed in any uniform, but there’s just something inherently _cop-like_ about him, which makes it known to all the viewers.

“Today,” Nines says, “we’re going to find out how much us triplets all inherently hate each other. Isn’t that right, Chris?”

Chris Miller has been in one video, and as such he’s not a completely new face to the channel. However, this is the first time he’s looked at the camera and been a part of the video, not simply part of one of the triplets’ scheme.

“Yeah,” Chris nods his head. “We’ll certainly find out.”

Nines raises a hand, waves it towards Chris and offers a small smile. He says, “this is Detective Chris Miller.”

Chris nods his head. He says, “Before I became a detective – before I was a cop – I spent a few years working as a polygrapher. So, today I’ll be reading the results of this test, and if any of the triplets try to slip a lie past you, I’ll let you know.”

He flicks the switch, turning the machine on.

Connor and Caleb come onto the screen now, take a moment to stand around their brother. They offer a smile, as if ready to force confessions out of him. Nines, foolishly perhaps, does not look worried.

“We’ll start with an easy question.” Caleb says. He leans against the table, looking at his brother. “There’s a dent in your apartment wall, from where someone threw a spoon against the plaster. For the past few weeks, you’ve claimed it was Gavin. Was it really?”

“Yes,” Nines says.

Chris watches the polygraph, glances up and claims that Nines is lying. Connor let’s out a small cheer of – ‘ _I knew it’ –_ before bursting into laughter. (Somewhere across town, Gavin Reed feels a weight lift from his shoulders, relief at the true perpetrator being known.)

Nines shrugs his shoulders in response, and as if knowing there’s no point in denying the fact, remains silent.

Connor takes over the questioning now, lowers himself so he’s at the same level as his brother. He’s got a lollipop, pulls it from his mouth for a moment while he speaks.

“Do you think Caleb talks to much about his cats?”

Caleb sends an affronted glare towards his brother. Connor doesn’t turn to look at him, but he does smirk, registering the attention that’s being thrown toward him.

Nines takes a moment to consider the question. Then, he offers a slow nod. Stoic and slow, he says, “yeah.”

His brother takes this the way any respecting cat lover and head of the cat revolution would – he reacts with outrage. He taps his foot against the floor, grits his teeth.

“Excuse you,” Caleb says, “my cats are a _delight.”_

“Maybe,” Nines says, “but you don’t need to keep fucking reminding us every ten seconds.”

* * *

The camera switches, and it’s Caleb sat at the table now, his hands clasped in front of him. He glances to the camera and says, “I’m a horrible liar. If I ever lie, it’s usually by omission, so, this isn’t suited in my favour.”

Automatically, Nines leans forward. He lifts a hand to the folded sleeve by his elbow, tugs on the grey material, as if thinking. After a second, he asks, “we’ve never really declared it, but out of the three of us, in high school, you were the one who stuck to the rules the most.”

“Yeah…?” Caleb says, the skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiles, the movement more from nervousness than any happiness.

(Chris interjects that this ‘yeah’ is the truth, and as such, Caleb had once been the stickler for rules within their group. The detective squints, almost as if he cannot believe this for truth – but the polygraph is telling the truth.)

“You used to judge us if we skipped classes,” Nines says, still nonchalant. “Did you ever cut class?”

Caleb pauses, pulls a face and very slowly denies it.

They don’t even need a polygraph to know that he’s lying. The way his voice seems to raise in pitch is indicator enough. Connor’s shaking his head now, even as Chris states that Caleb is lying.

“Fine,” Caleb mutters, “I’m a hypocrite. I cut class once or twice.”

Connor leans in, narrows his eyes at his brother and whispers, _“then why’d you give me so much shit about it?”_

* * *

Connor tugs at the cuff around his arm, designed to monitor any fluctuations of anxiety in his heart rate, and glances at his brothers. His expression is settled, calm, and he glances at the equipment with a generic calmness that his brothers had been missing.

“Some of my classmates and I played with these when we were in college,” he explains after a moment.

Chris fixes him with a look. He says, “polygraphs aren’t toys Connor.”

The eldest triplet arches an eyebrow, stares right at the camera and shrugs his shoulders. He says, “everything’s a toy if you play with it though.”

Caleb lets out a snort. Thankfully they’re saved from any commentary, as Nines steps forwards and asks, “is there anything you’re worried we’ll ask you about?”

Connor smacks his lips. He says, “not really.”

“He’s lying,” Chris says.

Now, Connor lets out a small laugh, the sound nervous. He says, “it’s stuff I’m not nervous about you two knowing, but rather – everyone else. The internet.”

“Right,” Caleb crosses his arms, taps his fingers against his skin. “If you’re not worried about anything we’ll ask then you’ll answer this one fine.”

Connor turns back to look at his brother, watches as Caleb shifts his weight from one foot to the other. The other triplet reaches up, runs a hand through his hair and asks, “when I was out of town and you took care of the cats… did you clean the litterbox everyday like you said you did?”

Nines grabs his brother by the shoulder, fingers digging into Caleb’s shoulder. It doesn’t seem to hurt the man, because he makes no movement to be freed.

“Out of all the fucking questions Caleb,” Nines sighs, “why did you have to go for that one?”

Connor shrugs, unashamed, “nah.”

“You’re never cat-sitting my children again.” A hiss. Although even then, it’s not actually angry. It’s either joking, or betrayed, it’s never that easy to tell with Caleb. He’s an unusual man.

* * *

Back to Caleb.

“Picture this,” Nines holds both hands on the back of his brother’s chair, leans down so he’s speaking by Caleb’s ear. “there are two burning buildings. One has an entire congregation of nuns, the other – your cat Nova. Do you let the nuns die to save your cat?”

There is not even a second of contemplation. Caleb grabs the word on his tongue, doesn’t take the time to see how the answer weighs in his mouth, and blurts out, “I kill the nuns, yes.”

Despite being the one who’s asked the question, Nines doesn’t seem very surprised by the change of events. Chris confirms this as the truth. Caleb lets out laugh, even as Nines pulls back, away from his brother.

“Well that much was obvious,” Connor says, “you always save the animal over the humans, no one likes nuns that much.”

“I don’t know those nuns,” Caleb shrugs.

* * *

“Connor,” Nines asks, crossing his arms. “Since everyone’s suddenly curious about your love life… you ever make out with a co-worker?”

It takes a moment, but slowly, Connor’s cheeks flush a deep red. He says, “…yeah.”

Chris confirms that this is the truth.

“You ever make out with…” it’s Caleb now, grinning from behind, where he’s leaning against the wall. “…two co-workers?”

Shaking his head this time, Connor claims no. Chris calls him out for lying, leaving his fellow twins disappointed. The man lets out a sigh.

“…Three co-workers?”

Now, Connor squints, seems to take a moment to think things over. His voice hesitates slightly as he answers, as if he’s not even certain of himself, “I don’t think so?”

Another lie.

Caleb asks, “Chris, can we have four?”

“No,” Connor says, letting out a laugh now, raising his hands to cut through the air, as if it’ll brush the question away before it can ruin his image of being innocent at all. The flush in his cheeks seems to promise that his brother’s will get their own share of questions they’re going to hate.

“He’s telling the truth.”

“So, three then,” Nines nods, smug.

* * *

“So, Nines, do you think you’re a better performer than us?”

They’re still on the easier questions, things that aren’t really that personal, and it’s because of that fact that Nines quite easily nods his head and says he does without much of a care. It’s Caleb who’s asked this question, and now, Connor leans forward, a devious grin on his face as he readies to throw a curveball question.

“Have you and Gavin ever done… _things…_ while another Anderson was in the same house?”

Nines takes a moment to think. Then, after a few seconds, he shakes his head, “no.”

Chris doesn’t say anything, he simply turns and raises an eyebrow to glance at Nines. Nines very specifically, does not turn to him.

“I’m calling bullshit,” Caleb says, and now, Chris does confirm that Nines is in fact lying.

“Listen,” Nines says, “you didn’t specify what things are – playing Mario kart could be a thing, kissing could be a thing. Anything–”

“Oh please,” Connor says, “you know what I meant.”

Nines shrugs as if to say, _‘you’re gonna have to be more specific,’_ before coughing as Caleb leans forward, whispers into his brother’s ear something that the microphone can’t make out. Almost immediately, Nines lets out a stern ‘no’, cheeks flushing another colour, only for Chris to state that he’s lying.

Caleb lets his lip curl upwards in amusement, “liar.”

Connor turns to Nines, to his brother’s embarrassed expression and in a low voice claims, “Nines… _ya nasty.”_

* * *

Connor offers what can only be an evil grin towards the camera. He crosses his arms, leans back against the wall and stares at his brother. Nines, as if he knows what the question is, straightens his shoulders, restlessly waiting for the question and it’s answers.

“Caleb,” Connor says. The words are slow, as if he’s trying to lull his triplet into a false sense of security. The method seems to be working. “Which cat… is your favourite.”

The moment the question has been asked, Caleb’s lips tighten. He looks almost like a deer in headlights, conflicted because he shouldn’t have to choose between any of his kitty children.

The pause is too long for him to respond with anything but a lie. Caleb shakes his head, and within the same breath says, “I don’t have a favourite.”

The movement is slow, but eventually Chris glances at them and declares that this is not truthful. Caleb winces, especially when Nines slams his hands on the table in front of them and says, “who’s your favourite Caleb?”

“I don’t like this video anymore,” Caleb says, weakly. And then, after being stared down, he says, “Nova.”

Chris pats him on the shoulder, it’s the only comfort as he states that this is true. After a second, Caleb glances at the camera and practically begs, _“please don’t tell the other three.”_

* * *

The video transitions back to Nines sitting in the chair. His fingers are entwined, his elbows leaning against the table as he stares at the camera, awaiting his next question.

“Ok,” Caleb says, “while we’re on the topic of Gavin – lovely fiancé Gavin – I have a question.”

Nines states: “Gavin’s an asshole, not lovely, but alright. Give me that question.”

“You ready to get married, Nines?”

There’s a pause. Nines really seems to be considering the question – not out of nervousness, but a genuine contemplation. He’s been engaged for a few years now, and yet even with time to get used to the motion, it can be a lot to prepare for.

Eventually, he offers a short nod, and with a slight smile, nods, “yeah.”

“Nines is telling the truth.”

Connor takes a step forwards, takes Caleb’s place as interrogator. He says, “follow up question on that little bro – We all know you enjoy your drunken take outs. If you had to give up take out food forever so you could marry your fiancé, would you do it?”

This time, there is no hesitation. A very sullen ‘yeah’ this time, but a truthful yes all the same. Both his brothers nod their heads as Chris states that this is the truth, and that Nines isn’t lying. They seem strangely proud of his answer – Caleb even leans forward to pat Nines on the shoulder.

“That’s…” Connor wipes away a fake tear, “that’s so sweet.”

Nines stares blankly at the office. He doesn’t speak, but the way his shoulders tense, his fingers squeezed against his palms seems to shout, _‘you see this? I have to put up with this shit.’_

* * *

Connor leans back in the chair, hands out on the table, palms face up. He seems to be studying the lines in his hands.

“Ok,” Caleb says now. “I have another question before I’ll let Nines go back to his – my cat mug. Do you know what happened to it?”

This cat mug is something that Caleb has been musing about in his own videos for a while now. He’d bought it at a Sunday market back in their early YouTube days, and had taken to using it for every drink. He’d drunk wine, tea, coffee – the possibilities were endless.

Then, over the span of the weekend, his cat mug, with mini cat ears, had gone missing from the office. No one had ever known what had happened to it, but Caleb hadn’t had any qualms about voicing his suspicions.

It had gone missing over a year ago, but still Caleb has not put the mystery to rest.

Connor swallows. He closes his eyes, and gives out a resigned, ‘no’.

Chris doesn’t even have the time to react because Caleb has traversed around to the front of the table and is now blocking the camera as he stares at his brother, fingers digging into the man’s shoulders.

The camera lifts. It’s moved to a different angle that shows both Connor and Caleb’s expressions. Caleb doesn’t seem angry, but he is showing a desperation that could be mistaken as such. Connor looks increasingly nervous.

“What happened to my mug Connor?”

“I-I don’t know!” Connor says. Chris doesn’t help the situation, because he declares almost immediately that Connor is deceiving his brother.

_“Was it you?”_

“O-of course not!”

Another lie. Detective Miller is cutthroat today, a judge, jury and executioner, throwing Connor to his brother to be punished for whatever has happened to the mug.

“Falsehood!” Caleb cries, taking a step back now to point. “You know!”

Connor lets out a weak laugh.

“How do we know Chris isn’t just lying for the dra–”

“Deceit!” Caleb continues, “what happened to the mug Connor. I demand vengeance! And blood!”

“No blood,” Nines says, off to the side. He looks far too amused for this to have been scripted.

“Fine,” Caleb says, if only because he knows to ask for blood is a bit much, “no blood. But I demand an explanation – and maybe, some cat treats.”

Connor looks at the table. He lets out a long-suffering sigh and finally admits, “I was cleaning the mugs one day, and I dropped the mug. There was no way I could fix it, so I cleaned away all the evidence, to make you think someone stole it instead.”

Caleb puts one hand on his chest, as if clutching his heart, and one hand on the table for support. Very slowly, he shakes his head. Disappointed.

“…my mug…”

* * *

“Caleb.” Said man looks up. “Since we’ve been doing YouTube videos, have you stolen anything from me?”

Caleb takes a moment to think, glances at Nines without much worry in his expression. He taps his finger on the table, thinking, before raising said finger up. He says, “other than a pen and the occasional sandwich in the fridge? No.”

Nines mutters, “goddammit,” even as Chris declares this to be the truth.

“Oh yeah,” Connor says off the side, “I steal the occasional sandwich too.”

“You guys always steal my food,” Nines sighs, his voice hard, “why – where does your lunches go? Why do you constantly need to steal mine?”

Both brothers seem to shrug in unison.

“I forget to bring my lunch a lot,” Connor says, raising his hands in surrender.

“You and Gavin are better at cooking than I am,” Caleb says, “it’s only obvious that I’d choose your lunch over my own.”

Nines is quiet. And then, a low whisper: “Caleb, you little _shit.”_

* * *

“Nines – when we were teenagers, you worked at this small café part time.” Connor says. Nines blinks at the camera, waiting for the question that follows, “you were there for little over a year, and then one day, you suddenly quit. My question for you – did you actually quit, or were you fired?”

Nines tilts his head. He takes a moment to consider the question.

“Both, in a way?”

It’s not a lie. In a steady, yet almost confused tone, Connor says, “explain.”

“Well,” Nines says, “I kept moving my shifts around because they were interfering with my extracurriculars. My boss wasn’t very pleased and threatened to fire me if I swapped it around one last time, so to avoid being fired, I quit.”

Caleb seems like he’d expected this. He nods his head, “you’ve always really cared about your clubs.”

Nines shrugs.

“Okay then,” Connor says, “next question: Nines… do you know how much us brothers care for you?”

Another tilted head. The thing is, the answer is subjective, and as such, the answer is purely personal. Does Nines have an idea how much they care for him – yes – but does he truly know?

“No,” Nines says, as if realising there is no way to see into his brothers’ minds. Chris says he’s telling the truth.

“We gotta be better about that…” Caleb mutters, before wrapping his arms around his brother. Nines looks faintly alarmed at the touch but doesn’t make to push his brother away.

* * *

“Final question.” Connor says. He glances at Caleb, who’s sitting, distracted, playing with the wires like a cat toying with yarn. He takes a moment to pause as Nines leans forward, flicking Caleb on the ear to catch his attention.

“Shoot,” Caleb says, “throw it at me.”

“Who,” Connor says now, “is your favourite brother?”

There is a moment of brief consideration, and then, with a small nod:

“Cole.”

* * *

“Which of us is your favourite,” Caleb asks this time, staring at the back of Nines’ head.

Nines doesn’t even pretend to take the time to think over an answer. The answer is immediate, and the words seem to fly from his mouth, without any hesitation.

“It’s Cole.”

* * *

“Connor,” Nines says, “you know what the question is. Pick one of us.”

The eldest triplet shrugs his shoulders and very slowly nods his head. He says, “yeah, it’s definitely Cole. I love you guys but he’s… _it’s Cole.”_

* * *

_(They are all telling the truth._

_None of them really seem so annoyed by the revelation, understanding that Cole is always going to be the favourite.)_

* * *

“So,” Connor says at last, crossing his arms. “There is no moral here. Maybe that you can’t trust your own siblings not to out some secret that occurred years ago?”

“I mean,” Caleb says, “maybe the moral of this video is to own up to breaking your brother’s _favourite mug_ because it’ll make its way out into the open soon enough.”

The two stare at each other, squinting at each other, although there’s a lack of heat to their expressions. They’re not angry at each other – at least, not in a way that the camera can pick up on.

“You know what,” Nines says, “I don’t think there’s a moral here. You both just wanted to take a lie detector test.”

The brothers concede to this point, offer a slight, “you got us there,” and nod their heads.

Blue. Yellow. Red. The outro flashes across the scene.

The video ends with Cole sat alone at the table, the lie detector set up on him. Chris is no longer around, and so the brothers are on each side of the child, staring him down – Nines on his left, Connor on his right, and Caleb stood directly behind him.

“So, Cole…” Nines starts, pretending that their younger brother isn’t giggling in the chair. “We have a single question for you.”

Connor leans closer to his brother – they’re all straight-faced, as if this question is life or death. “It’s very important to us that you answer honestly.”

“We’ll know if you’re lying,” Caleb says now, nodding. “So, don’t think you can fool us.”

Cole continues to giggle, looking between his brothers.

“You ready Cole?” There’s a small nod. “Out of everyone here in this room, who’s your favourite?”

Cole smiles, lets out a laugh and says, “Sumo!”

The camera pans to the side, and there is the St. Bernard, sat in the corner. The dog lets out a _‘boof’_ -like bark, and stands, ready to head towards the brothers.

The video goes black. And then, off-screen: “Honestly? I’d have picked the dog too.”

* * *

_6,230 comments_

_Dressedtothenines:_

WE FINALLY LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT THE MUG

-

_AndersAndSons:_

RIP kitty mug. RIP Nines’ sandwich

-

_Caleeeeeebandsons:_

How dare you choose between your kitties caleb 4 SHAME

-

_Sumoisbestboi:_

I have never shipped Gavin and Nines more than in this moment

_-_

_Dayuuuuum-Daniel_ :

SUMO IS ALL TIME FAV

* * *

**_Simonisthemilkybarkid_ **

_[Picture of Connor dressed in leather from his college days.]_

_[Gif of Markus choking on his drink, coughing.]_

He can no longer contain the gay.

_54,340 notes_

#connoranderson #markusmanfred #conman #newshipisgonnabecalledconman #becausecon’sstealingmarkus’heart #gaymess #survivemarkus #jericho

* * *

**_Winemom_ **

Who’s your fav?

_[Gif of Caleb stating his favourite is Cole.]_

_[Gif of Nines stating his favourite is Cole.]_

_[Gif of Connor stating his favourite is Cole.]_

_[Gif of Cole stating his favourite is Sumo.]_

_23,402 notes_

#Coleissavageaf #andersons #connor #nines #caleb #cole

* * *

**_WeStanNova_ **

Listen, we all knew Nova was the favourite. We can’t blame Caleb for favouring her, she’s just soooooooooo perfect.

_93,203 notes_

#Nova #Calebanderson #godofcats #caleb’sfav #we #keep #this #from #the #other #kitties

* * *

**Con-Con** _@eldestandersonboi_ 12m

We’re giving you what you all wanted.

_[Picture taken of the parking lot from the offices. Three members of Jericho are stood outside of the car: Markus, North and Simon.]_

> **JeriCrew** _@jericho_ 7m
> 
> The reason you don’t see _@jericrewjosh_ , is because he’s sick. Maybe next time Josh!
> 
> **Plsdon’tfiteme** _@jericrewjosh_ 5m
> 
> I’m not sure who to hate more. My immune system, or you guys for going without me. #top10animebetrayals
> 
> **Jointhecatrevolution** _@calebanderson_ 12s
> 
> _@jericrewjosh_ you can come visit without the others when you’re feeling better! We’ll give you the personal tour!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi there, a long chapter is awaiting you. I've updated my tags - so please take a look there and make sure that you're fine with them, although, in a fluffy fic, I'm pretty sure you're all prepared for said tags, amiright?
> 
> Thanks for such a brilliant response to the previous chapters, reviews and kudos always leave me wanting to update quickly for you guys. Although, while we're on the topic of updates... I return to med-school on Monday, so updates might be slower. BUT, I'll try to be quick!
> 
> A big load of respect to my Vodkats. They're awesome and give me the courage to add little bits I'd otherwise feel nervous to add. :3  
> Hope you all enjoy! o/

There’s only so much that Markus’ heart can take. From where he stands, glancing up at the offices that the Anderson brothers have dictated they drive to, he realises that this might be his limit.

By the end of this day he’s either going to have fallen into cardiac arrest, requiring immediate surgery for a pacemaker that’ll settle the gay panic blooming in his chest, or he’ll have an arrythmia that will never return to normal.

Either way, he’s pretty sure he’ll have Connor Anderson to blame the medical bills on.

Gay panic in D major has a second part, and it’s the sound of his heartbeat.

“Come on Markus,” North says, patting him on the back as they head in to the reception area. The offices are on the third floor, and Markus is pretty sure his legs won’t have the strength to carry him up the stairs. Luckily for him, Simon, the more sympathetic of the two, suggests that they head up the elevator.

Not that they’ll get to choose, because as soon as they enter the reception, they’re bombarded with Caleb Anderson. As cat-like as he is, right now the man seems like an excited puppy.

Markus has met him before, briefly, but they’d all been drunk. It’s the same with the other brothers, and so, he doesn’t know how he’s going to react to them sober. He hopes he won’t make a complete fool of himself, but… who knows.

“Jericho minus Josh!” Caleb cries, rushing towards them. He’s wearing a t-shirt depicting a cat creating lightning from it’s paws, and it seems so like the version of him they see in videos that Markus can truly believe that the man is genuine.

“Uh, yes that’s us.” Markus says, swallows down air. He hopes it’ll settle his nerves, but it doesn’t. “Nice to meet you.”

God, Markus hopes he doesn’t act this nervous the entire time. Way to make a collab video completely awkward. If this is how he acts around Caleb Anderson, then how’s he going to react around _Connor?_

“I’m sensing some awkwardness,” Caleb says, jumping forward. “Is it because I gave Simon and North kitty kisses at the strip club? Are you feeling left out?”

Markus barely has the opportunity to process the words, let alone react to them, before Caleb is invading his personal space, arms on his shoulders and rubbing his nose against his.

“This should make up for it,” Caleb says, jumping back immediately afterwards. “Although, I know I’m not the one you want kisses from, am I right?”

Markus flushes a dark beetroot colour. Beside him, his friends are already thrown out of the loop. It’s North who’s the calmest, which – is strange, since she’s the one who’s usually the most worked up. Maybe it’s all the experience, because Markus knows he’s feeling completely lost.

“You mean the gay panic for your brother?” North says, like it’s no big deal at all.

And maybe, for Caleb, it isn’t. Because he laughs – it’s not a spiteful sound, cheerful – and nods his head. He says, “what else would I mean?”

North snorts. So, does Simon from beside him, something which is much more of a betrayal because Simon is _meant_ to be on his side. Josh would be more sympathetic if he were here, but the man just had to get a nasty strain of the flu…

“I should have stayed under the piano,” Markus mutters.

Caleb laughs. It’s only now that he blinks, glancing away from the man that he realises that Caleb has slowly been guiding them towards the elevator.

“Sometimes in your streams,” Caleb says now, as he turns to press the call button for the elevator, “when you go under the piano, all I can think is how it’s such a mood. I love that piano.”

A point that they can both agree on. Plus, Markus could talk about his piano for hours. He doesn’t, instead settles on simply saying, “yeah, I love it too.”

Elevator doors open, and Markus shuffles in alongside his friends, listening to Caleb’s chatter. It’s shifted mainly over to how he’s excited to be filming a collaboration video with Jericho, that he’s wanted to push for such a thing for a while now but has always been too nervous to set it up.

“But not to worry,” Caleb says now, offering a wink as he presses the button for the third floor, the elevator doors closing behind them, trapping them in. “We’ve got a way to rid everyone of all the nerves.”

Simon, bless him, is the one who asks what on earth Caleb is talking about. He’s calm with his words, and part of Markus is jealous that he’s functioning like a normal human being.

Maybe Markus should be blaming Carl for this? His father has left him completely unprepared for situations like this. Shouldn’t he have given tips on how to deal with outlandishly hot triplets?

“What do you mean by that?” Simon says.

“Well,” Caleb says, “everything’s a little better with something to lower your nerves. So, we’ve got a drinks-based video planned out.”

He says _‘we’ve’_ as if he’s talked it over with his brothers, but somehow, Markus believes that Caleb’s taken full control in coming up with this idea. There’s just something in the way he says it, his voice swimming with humour, that gives off the impression that he’s planning something.

“Wow,” North says, impressed, “you really don’t help the rumours online that you’re an alcoholic.”

The man blinks. For a moment, Markus is concerned that North has pushed the wrong button, has mentioned something that hits too close to home, but then Caleb shrugs his shoulders and says, “sometimes it’s fun to add to the rumours, don’t you think?”

He offers a wink to Markus at this, and… and Markus does not know what that’s supposed to mean, but his nerves skyrocket.

* * *

**_Waiiiit-whattt_ **

Try not to think that at this current moment, Jericho and the Andersons are in the same building readying to make a video together.

_[Picture of Connor’s twitter post, declaring that they’re giving their viewers what they want: A collab video.]_

_3,023 notes_

#jericho #andersons #soexcite #soreadyforthis #yassssss

* * *

Connor knows that he should be waiting for their guests when they come up the elevator, knows that would be the polite thing to do, but he’s been editing this one clip for the past hour and he’s so near to being finished that he doesn’t want to stop quite yet.

As such, instead of joining Nines, who’s headed out into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he waits for their guests, Connor remains in his office and focuses on his computer.

One part of the video, where the light dips – he adjusts the footage, brightens it so it’s the same lighting as with the others. Then, he presses play, to ensure that it still remains natural–

It does.

And now, all he needs to do is check that the audio sounds alright. Their mics are usually fine, but he wants to make sure it’s not too loud when he plays it, or too quiet and adjust to either possibility.

“Connor–”

“One second,” he says, raising a hand and trying to brush his brother’s voice off. There’s only one difficulty with this though – Caleb has never been easily dissuaded.

“Get your ass out here or else I’m going to drag you out.”

Connor too, is stubborn. He keeps his gaze rooted on the computer, switching over to his word document when he thinks up edits he can make for the overall video that he’s observed from this scene. The sound level needs to be raised by a few percent, he needs to –

He needs to –

“Caleb!” Connor cries, his brother pulling his chair back, towards the office’s exit. He’s thought chairs with wheels was a promising idea for the office, but now, it’s just proving to be a nuisance when all he wants to do is finish editing this clip. “Cut it out you little–”

Caleb spins him around on the chair, and there, in front of him, are their guests. There's Daniel's little brother, older than the last time they'd seen one another, grown into himself more. Beside him stands North, the most outspoken of the Jericho group. And then finally, beside her: Markus Manfred.

Connor imagines there is a lot to explore with Markus Manfred.

Preferably shirtless. And in the bedroom.

 _You stop that right now,_ Connor tells himself. And then, because he wants to be certain his own subconscious has gotten the idea, he adds, _any more ideas like that and we’re forgoing Sumo pats for a week._

 _Aww,_ his subconscious says in response, _but I love Sumo pats._

Connor’s reaction speed may be slower than usual, but only by milli-seconds. He offers a smile, lifts a hand up and offers a small wave. “Hi, my name is Connor.”

He stands, turns to offer Caleb what can only be described as a sinister smile, before kicking the chair right into his brother.

From behind him, North says, “we need to invest in wheelie chairs, because that’s such a mood.”

Connor turns back now, bombarded with North as she grabs his hand and shakes it, properly introducing herself now. She says, “you’re so good at pole dancing, but I guess you don’t remember that, huh?”

There’s only so much Connor can be embarrassed about until he spontaneously combusts, so he’s decided on taking the whole meeting Jericho at a strip club fiasco in his stride. He says, “from the cash I woke up with, it would seem so.”

A snort.

Now, Connor turns back to Simon, says, “good to see you again. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

Simon flushes. It seems he’s not been given the memo on taking everything in his stride. He stammers, “yeah, you’re a lot different now then you were…”

Connor flashes him a smile. “College was certainly an… experience.”

And now, he turns to Markus. Holds his hand out to shake, receives a warm and firm handshake.

He wonders what else those hands can do other than shake.

 _Alright brain,_ Connor thinks, _you’re on thin fucking ice. Your banned from Sumo hugs for the next twenty-four hours._

“And you must be Markus,” Connor flashes him a smile, one that he hopes masks the fact that he’s thinking outrageous things about his body. “You came out from under the piano then?”

Connor wants to take him back to under the piano. Or above it. Either or.

And wow, his brain really needs to stop now, because he can’t handle these thought processes at all.

“G-glasses,” Markus says, and then, flushing red, “S-sorry… I mean, yes, I’m out from under the piano – you wear glasses?”

Connor lifts his hands up to his glasses, barely registering that he’s still wearing them – he usually switches contacts out for sunglasses when editing his videos, simply because of how long he’ll stay rooted in one place.

“Oh, these,” he says, taking them off and immediately feeling the world blur around him, “yeah. I need them to see.”

“Seeing is very important,” Markus agrees. Connor laughs, places his glasses back on, before nodding, telling the musician that he thinks so too.

“Sorry to interrupt whatever _this_ is,” Nines so eloquently puts. Little prick. “But do we want to get set up for a video?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Connor says, brushing him away. “Let me go poke some plastic into my eyes and I’ll come help you get set up. Caleb – will you so kindly explain our ideas for the video?”

Caleb perks up.

“Although,” Connor says, looking at the members of Jericho, “if you want to go with another idea, we’ve got a few others to pick from. Don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with doing.”

Markus offers him a smile, “we’ll only do what we want to.”

And god, does Connor wish that in Markus’ mind, he’s under that criteria.

_He really needs to stop._

* * *

“We’ve got three quarters of the Jericho team here with us today,” Connor says, when the video opens, eyes bright and grinning at the camera. “And today, we’ve taken our claim to the members, in the attempt to try the sexiest drinks.”

He’s sat next to Markus and offers a wink to the camera as if the say ‘this is who I’ve claimed, so go ahead internet, _blow up’_.

“To anyone who hasn’t seen Jericho’s videos,” Connor says, “we’ll link their channel in the description. But until then – what exactly counts as a sexy drink?”

He turns to Markus. “Any ideas?”

Markus tilts his head, takes a moment to think. Despite the mess he appears as sometimes on his livestreams, he’s calmer now – showing that he is either a brilliant showman for his viewers, or a good enough actor to contain what a mess he currently is.

“I’d say a sexy drink is something that… sets the mood?” He says, turning to Connor.

“And what classifies as setting the mood?”

The edges of Markus’ lips quirk upwards, and with a small smirk, the man says, “wouldn’t you like to know.”

* * *

The clip shifts to Caleb – Sat beside him is North.

“If it’s not an alcoholic aphrodisiac,” North says, looking at Caleb and crossing her arms, “then it’s not a sexy drink.”

“Get them juices flowing!” Caleb says, although he cringes a little at his own words. “Sexy drinks aren’t anything with a little action, right?”

North nods her head. She says, “hopefully the drinks will help _some people_ who’d otherwise be lost without the help.”

Caleb lets out a laugh, “let’s get the sexy drinks out here!”

* * *

Nines and Simon are the last pair.

They’re the calmest of the group. As opposed to natural disasters (Connor and Markus) and manmade catastrophes (Caleb and North) they each offer order to their respective groups.

And now, they sit beside each other, looking slightly confused.

“I’m sorry, _sexy_ drinks?” Simon says, leaning forward. “What’s that even supposed to mean?”

Nines squints at the camera, “like out of the movies do you mean? The drinks they always order whenever they pick other people up at the bar?”

Simon looks at Nines, still confused. “People still pick people up at bars? That’s… unimaginative.”

“I picked Gavin up at a police station,” Nines shrugs, “maybe it’s just straight people.”

Simon nods at that. “Imaginative.”

“A bit more spur of the moment,” Nines admits, “maybe if I’d have one of these sexy drinks, it would have gone a lot more smoothly.”

* * *

_(The intro is like it always is, a flash of blue, then yellow and then finally red. Except, this time the clips are different – blue is not simply showing footage of Connor, but footage of Markus from Jericho’s videos. Yellow still holds Caleb, but also includes North. Red has Nines, and Simon.)_

* * *

The video cuts back to a drink being poured into a highball glass, and by the side, it is labelled, ‘ _sex on the beach’_.

“Oh,” Caleb says, nodding his head at a drink is passed to both him and North, “sex on the beach, there’s a classical sexy drink right away. Everyone loves a cocktail.”

North nods her head, picks up the glass and glances at it. She says, “it looks like the fruit juices in here are the things having sex, and the glass is the beach.”

Caleb nods. “A beach in a glass.”

* * *

“Oh,” Simon says, “this one’s straight out of the movies, completely. You know when the lady at the bar is like, _‘I’ll have a sex on the beach’._ ”

Nines nods his head. He takes a sip, takes a moment to look faintly horrified, before placing the cup back down. He shakes his head, looks past the camera, to whoever is stood filming.

“Is there vodka in this?” He says. A yes echoes afterwards. Nines sighs, “Yeah, I thought so.”

Nines is not a fan of vodka, he’s stated on many occasions that it leaves him feeling horrible, and yet, he lifts the glass up and takes another sip, as if to double check the taste.

“Ok so,” Nines pauses, “such a stereotypical sexy drink, but you know why they order it in all the films?”

Simon takes a sip of his own drink. He clinks his glass with Nines’, and offers, “because it’s good.”

“Because it’s good,” Nines agrees. He moves to put the drink down, and claims, “although – that second sip really had an aftertaste of the vodka.”

“Hey Nines,” the voice off camera is unmistakably Connor’s, “what’re the odds that you’ll down the entire thing here and now.”

“I’m not going to–”

“Gotta respect odds Nines,” Caleb continues, waits until Nines says ‘one hundred’.

“Okay, on three–”

At the same time, both brothers say ‘72’ and Nines swears under his breath. Then, he pushes both his sleeves up to his elbows, declares that he hates odds, and picks his glass back up.

“You guys are explaining this to Gavin.” Nines says, “because I’m most certainly going to die because of this.”

Simon glances at him, faintly alarmed and then, face going slightly slack. He says, “at least it’ll be a fruity death.”

“At least it’ll be a gay death,” Nines agrees, before proceeding to chug the drink. He does it in one fell motion, as if stopping for air will leave him tasting the vodka, before placing the cup back on the table.

Then he coughs, pulls a face that’s borderline gagging. He says, “oh god, I thought you weren’t supposed to taste the vodka in this cocktail.”

“We added more,” Caleb says off screen, “just for yours.”

Nines glares at the camera.

* * *

Connor and Markus both taste their cocktails and seem, very genuinely to enjoy them.

As he lowers his drink, Connor pops his lips, nods his head. “It’s great.”

Markus offers a grin of his own, says, “it’s pretty sugary. And you know how with sugary drinks, you’re more likely to get hangovers – so like real sex on the beach, you’re going to enjoy it in the heat of the moment, and then, pay for it the next morning.”

Connor grins at the glass, takes another sip of the drink to avoid saying whatever has caused him to start smiling. Instead, he just says, “how sexy would you rate this drink?”

Markus pauses, takes a long gulp of the drink and says, “it’s the kind of drink you’d get to second base with.”

“Yeah, I’d take my shirt off for this drink,” Connor nods. After a pause, he glances to Markus, “hey, you ever have sex on the beach?”

It’s obviously not a question that Markus is expecting, because he chokes on air for a second, coughs. Connor, beside him, laughs quietly.

“Uh,” Markus says, once he’s recovered. He frowns, shakes his head. “No.”

“Really, no?”

“Why – what do you mean have I have sex on the beach?” He lifts a hand up, an overly exaggerated shrug with his hands instead of his shoulders, “of course not, no.”

Connor arches an eyebrow up. He says, “you should open yourself up to new experiences.”

Markus pauses for a moment, hesitates, and then turns back, “why, is that a proposition?”

Both men freeze, and then grin. Their laughter is like a duet.

* * *

The next drink is in a shot glass and is labelled _‘buttery nipple’._ The liquid inside has yet to mix together, and it remains that way, with a coffee coloured liquid remaining on top of a transparent liquid.

“Oh wow,” Markus says, as he looks at the shot, “you guys are really putting the sex into the drinks, huh?”

Connor flashes him a smile, “gotta make it sexy.”

They both look towards the shot glasses, squint. The, Markus looks up, to a point past the camera, “wait, what did you say this was called? A _buttery nipple?”_

Beside him, Connor cackles into his hand. His shoulders shake as he does so, even as Markus throws up his hands, confused, half-smiling, half-frowning. He says, “what’s sexy about a buttery nipple?”

Connor lifts a hand up, opens his mouth to speak, before dissolving into laughter again.

“It’s like, what?” Markus looks at Connor, nudges him with his elbow and huffs, “stop laughing, I’m being serious. What – is that what people do these days? They go, _‘hey, I think it’d be good if we lathered ourselves in butter, specifically my nipples’_ , is that the state of the world now?”

He’s laughing as he speaks and joins in with Connor in a fit of giggles.

“Oh, you know me,” Connor says after a moment, still laughing, “always wanting to lick butter off nipples in the bedroom.”

“What has the world come to?” Markus cackles.

* * *

“Oh,” Nines says, nodding his head, “it’s called a buttery nipple because of the butter squash liqueur.”

He lifts the drink up, glances at it. Beside him, Simon says, “that accounts for the buttery part, but what about the nipple… Ah. I think we should just stop the questioning, right?”

Nines nods. He lifts the shot up, knocks it back in one fluid motion. Simon hesitates for a second, before following suit.

“Oh,” Nines says, nodding his head. He crosses his arms, leans against the table and says, “oh wow, that’s better than I’d expected.”

Simon nods his head, “best tasting nipple I’ve ever had.”

Nines’ lips quirk up. He lets out a small huffed laugh. Then, within the same breath, he makes eye contact with the camera and says, “does this drink make you wanna have sex? I can answer it for you right now – _yes. It does.”_

* * *

Another drink: Suck, bang, blow. Poured into a hurricane class, is a peach coloured liquid, with roughly ten different drinks mixed together. Caleb looks almost manic as he looks at the glass.

“Suck, bang, blow,” he says though, as he looks at it. “What a stupid name. Why do all of these have such stupid names?”

“Sex is stupid,” North says, crossing her arms, “that’s why the names are stupid too. Maybe the drink tastes good though?”

Caleb pushes the drink towards her – unlike before, there is only one glass that they’re sharing – and waves for her to try the drink first. North takes a sip, lowers it down and raises an eyebrow.

“What’s the taste like?” Caleb says.

“I don’t fucking know,” North says, squinting. Then, a few seconds later, as if the taste is still clinging to her. “oh.”

“Oh?” Caleb leans forward, takes the drink and… he doesn’t sip it, takes a larger mouthful. He’s nodding his head as he places the glass back down. “Wow, that’s a lot of liqueur.”

“Yeah,” North says, after another sip. “This drink will get you fucked up.”

They pause. Then, North looks off camera, says, “hey can we get our own over here? Why do we need to share?”

Caleb gives a smile so bright it could be considered blinding. He says, “queen.”

The scene speeds up, as if being fast-forwarded. Within ten seconds, someone has head forward to the table – it’s Kara, easily distinguished by her petit figure and her pixie cut – and has placed another drink down on the table.

“This bar is awesome,” North says, as the video resumes to its usual speed.

“Fuck yeah it is,” Caleb says, lifting his glass up to clink with North’s.

* * *

“The entire naming process seems very inaccurate,” Simon is saying now, waving towards Nines. They’ve taken the cocktail and have split it into two tumbler glasses and are now sat musing while nursing the drink. “I mean, suck, bang and blow? Surely you’d bang after blowing?”

Nines swallows a mouthful, winces at the amount of liqueur, but nods his head. “I’d definitely rename it. Everyone knows banging comes last. That’s like – the way to finish off.”

“Simple biology,” Simon nods. He takes a sip from the glass, swallows, before pulling a face. “Oh, that is _awful.”_

“Wait,” Nines says, holding his hand up. He takes another taste, a hum low in his throat as he considers the drink. He says, “this is kind of like… when you have sex for the first time. At first your like, huh – this is new, don’t know how I feel about this, it’s kind of weird. But then you’re like, hmm, maybe this isn’t so bad.”

Simon blinks. “I…” Another sip. “Oh wait, no, I see what you mean, yeah.”

“Right?”

* * *

Markus sips the drink, passes it over to Connor.

Once they’ve both tried the drink – Connor seeming to like it more so than Markus, who shakes his head at the aftertaste – they both glance at each other, as if waiting to hear the other’s verdict.

After a moment, Markus says, “this is the kind of drink I’d have, if I didn’t love myself.”

Connor nods, and after a small pause, lifts the cup to take another sip. He squints his eyes at the glass before finally declaring: “this is the drink that’s like ‘I’m ready to fuck tonight, and I don’t care who’.”

Markus offers a slow now. He says, “this is the sluttiest of the sexy drinks.”

“This drink is the one you see in the bar,” Connor says, pushing the drink away. “And you look at it and think, there’s someone who’s not going home alone tonight.”

A grin.

“I kind of like it though,” Connor says, after a pause.

* * *

Another transition in the video. They’re no longer sat at a table, but rather, the pairs are sat opposite each other, frowning at the reason. Only Caleb, who’s planned the video out seems to have any idea of what’s going on.

“So why are we facing each other?” Caleb says, as if expecting North to guess what they’re doing by the sitting position alone. “Any guesses?”

“No fucking clue,” North says.

A shuttered clip over to Nines and Simon. Simon shakes his head, says, “oh, it’s called the blowjob shot?”

“Oh, right, yeah ok,” Nines says, as they’re passed a shot class with whipped cream and liqueur. “This is going to be a thing.”

Another transition to Markus and Connor. The men are shaking their heads at each other, resisting a laugh about something the video isn’t prone to explaining. After a moment, Connor says, “is there any particular reason it’s called a blow job shot?”

Markus almost immediately after, as they make eye contact with the drink. “Oh, is it because it’s creamy?”

* * *

“Oh, so it’s called a blowjob shot because of how you take it?” Simon says. Both he and Nines have placed the shot on their laps, where they’ve been instructed to keep them.

“You take it without your hands,” Nines says, “so I would assume so.”

They both take a moment to look at the individual shots, offer curt nods, before leaning back. Then, Simon says, “so which one of us goes first?”

Both men seem to freeze as they realise they’re going to have to find a way to choose. Simon, as if realising this, lifts his hand up and says, “rock, paper, scissors?”

* * *

Caleb grins at North and says, “You want me to go first?”

North raises an eyebrow, before shrugging her shoulders and saying, “you seem pretty excited for this shot.”

“I love all alcohol,” Caleb says, and after a wink, “especially the unusual drinks.”

North grins. “Get on with it then. Don’t leave me waiting.”

Caleb leans forward, hands leaning on his chair to balance himself, and moves closer to the drink in North’s lap. He leans down, lips slightly parted until he reaches the shot glass. North looks like she’s resisting the urge to laugh, is keeping still purely for Caleb’s benefit.

And she is, because as soon as Caleb’s mouth closes around the shot glass, lifting it up with a tilt of his head, she finally allows herself to move, her shoulders shaking with laughter.

“Oh wow,” she says, “this seems more hilarious than sexy.”

Caleb swallows down the drink, before reaching up to grab the shot glass. He says, “look at those skills! I’m the drinking champion.”

“They’re wasted on you,” North says, around a laugh. Caleb quickly agrees – it’s no hidden fact online that he’s asexual, with little care for the sexy part of sexy drinks, but more interest in the actual drinks.

North, similarly orientated, seems more interested in the drinks than in the sexiness of them.

“It’s kind of… sweet?” Caleb says.

North follows suit, fluid in one moment as she takes the shot from Caleb’s lap. She drinks it in one fluid motion too, swallows it down.

“Yeah,” North says, nods. “It’s good.”

* * *

“So, what if we do it at the same time,” Connor says, crossing his arms. “You go to the left, I go to the right, and we just–”

He can’t finish, because Markus is shaking his head. He says, “you gotta go slow with these things, enjoy yourself.”

The edges of Connor’s lips quirk upwards. “Fair. I guess you can’t enjoy it if you can’t enjoy the process.”

He pauses, leans forward and looks at Markus’ shot glass. Then, opening his mouth, looking slightly offended he says, “hey, yours looks girthier then mine.”

Markus flushes, turns to stare into the camera. Then, a slight smirk.

Connor waits until the man has placed his shot glass down, between his legs and then, shuffles his chair nearer. He’s managed to smooth his laughter out, looking calm.

“Get a load of this tongue work,” Connor says, as he lowers himself to get the drink. Markus coughs, almost spills the drink as he moves, going an even darker shade of red. Lips around the shot glass, he seems to tug on it, pulling it free from Markus’ legs.

He makes eye contact with Markus as he does so, keeps his gaze rooted until he’s swallowed down the drink. Moving the shot glass away shows cream around his mouth from the shot, and Connor immediately licks his lips to try and get the drink.

“Have I got anything on my face?” He asks, before falling back into giggles.

* * *

The rock, paper, scissors game ends with Nines throwing rock, and Simon throwing scissors.

“I win,” Nines says, and then with a huffed laugh, “does that mean you start?”

Simon shrugs his shoulders, laughs and says, “sure, let’s go for it.”

Without another word, Nines places the shot into place. Waits for Simon to try for the shot. They’re both laughing as they move, quiet laughter that seems to rattle in the air.

“Stop laughing,” Simon says, “I can’t – I can’t get my mouth around it if you keep laughing.”

This only causes Nines to keep laughing, although he does try to remain motionless for a few seconds. Simon manages to get the drink, although as he lifts the drink up, he fails, struggles.

After a second, he takes the shot glass, lets go and shakes his head. He says, “how am I supposed to swallow with this glass in my mouth.”

“It’s a learning process,” Nines says, as Simon takes the shot in a more conventional manner. He receives a snort and a thumbs up.

“How far are you in that learning process?” Simon asks as he places the glass by his feet, picking up the shot that Nines will be taking.

“Not as far as you’d expect,” Nines answers, a slight nod of his head. He leans forward, towards the drink before shaking his head. “Don’t tense up.”

Simon tries not to laugh. He fails.

“Come on,” Nines says, “chill out and let me take the shot.”

Simon schools his expression into one of feigned calm. It lasts for just as much time as it takes Nines to gain the shot glass, trying to swallow it down and failing. He shakes his head, holds the glass and after taking the shot, says, “swallowing is so hard.”

* * *

The final shot is placed between Connor’s legs.

Markus is flushed just at the prospect and shakes his head. It seems almost like he’s emotionally preparing himself for the drink. A half smile, faltering by his own awkwardness.

Connor glances at him and lets out a small laugh.

“Ok,” Markus says, “looks like I’m just gonna – uh – blow your job.”

Another laugh. Connor says, “don’t think too much about it.”

From the look on Markus’ face, it’s probably impossible. His cheeks are flushed, and so as not to combust, he decides to simply get the process over and done with. He leans down, opens his mouth, and tries to take the shot glass in his mouth.

‘Trying’ being the key word, because after a few seconds, he bursts into laughter, shakes his head and says, “this is too big for my mouth.”

“Open your mouth wider,” Connor says, laughing as Markus shakes his head, claiming that he can’t. The triplet is holding the glass now, trying to help push the glass into Markus’ mouth. “Wider!”

Markus starts to laugh, and as he does so, manages to choke on the drink. Not enough to start coughing, but it leaves his shoulders shaking with laughter.

“Don’t–” Connor laughs, tries to push Markus closer to the drink, adjusts the angle. “Don’t throw it up, this shit’s expensive, just – get it in your mouth.”

Another pause, and now it looks almost like Markus has the drink in his mouth, and the pair start leaning back, Markus straightening up from where he’s been bent over. Connor keeps hold of the drink trying to help Markus.

“You got it?” Connor says, finally letting go, even as Markus waves his hand, as if to say _‘no this isn’t going to plan what is going ON’._ “Is it in?”

Markus makes a noise of protest, tries to swallow before letting out a second muffled protest.

Connor is shaking his head. He says, “wow, this might just be the worst blow job I’ve ever gotten.”

The glass goes hurtling towards the floor. The liquid follows it, splashing against Connor’s trousers. Markus bursts into laughter, choking on the drink, leaning forward to clench his stomach.

Connor’s laughter is shocked at first, and then equally as deep, breathless.

Markus leans forward, hand on Connor’s knee, supporting himself as he struggles to get air – he’s simply laughing too much and is now running on less oxygen than necessary. The laugh turns into quiet laughing, liqueur dripping from his chin.

The men keep laughing, even as Kara steps forward, handing Markus a napkin to wipe his face. Their giggles seem to intensify as she looks at them.

“I couldn’t breathe,” Markus says now, shaking his head. He’s struggling, completely red, Connor is in a similar state. “I couldn’t breathe.”

* * *

 **Sigh-Mon** _@jericrewsimon_

The collab that finally broke North. Coming soon.

_[A video. The camera – phone quality – is shaking with laughter, as it temporarily turns from Connor and Markus laughing, (for some unknown reason in said video), past the camera to the crew behind. Kara and Luther are both laughing, and the camera moves down, between them, where North is curled in on herself, dying with silent laughter.]_

* * *

The camera zooms back to the camera, to Nines laying shirtless on the table, a shot glass placed on his stomach, then a piece of lime. And then finally – a sprinkling of salt.

When the video pans out, Simon is the one sprinkling the salt, wearing sunglasses and looking what one would call – _a boss._

“We’re moving on to the sexiest of all the drinks,” Nines says, looking at the camera, and winking. “The body shot.”

* * *

A camera change: The Anderson brothers are sat behind the table, on the table, is a bottle of tequila, some limes and a bowl filled with salt.

“Oh – but what’s this?” Caleb says, “a wild member of Jericho has appeared?”

Markus comes into the shot. He’s purely in his boxers, and though he is flushed red, he pushes himself across the table, pulling a pose. He says, “it’s only a shame we’re drinking and not painting, because I have to say, right now, I’m feeling a little French.”

The triplets let out a small laugh.

“Oh, mon ami,” Connor says, “if only I could paint. Instead, drinks abound.”

Markus leans his head down, does his best to stay still even though he’s half naked in front of the brother’s he publicly admires.

“So,” Connor says, “Jericho has placed forward their victim for this body shot, and we have Markus.”

“He couldn’t hold his drink.” North says off camera, “so we thought he might enjoy becoming a drink instead.”

Connor’s eyes brighten, and he looks down at Markus. He says, “are we going to be your first?”

Markus chokes on the air, “my _what?”_

“Your first body shot?”

He gets a small nod. The three brothers all let out similar sounds of distaste, clicking their tongues, as if both pleased and disappointed in Markus’ lack of experience with body shots.

“I’ll explain,” Caleb says, grabbing the salt. “You know the basics of a tequila shot right? Salt, shot, then lime. But with body shots, all of that is on your body.”

Markus’ expression shows that he knows this much.

“So we sprinkle some salt,” Caleb says, placing a pinch of salt on Markus’ neck. “I’m gonna go for the neck – where are you thinking Nines? Connor?”

Nines claims to be a thigh guy, and so places salt on Markus’ thigh.

“I’m gonna make a little line of salt,” Connor says now, and he puts more salt that necessary down the middle of Markus’ ribcage, leading to his belly button. “Gotta make it classy.”

Markus swallows. Takes a moment to himself. Then, he lets out a small protest as Caleb lifts the tequila bottle, pouring the liquid into his belly button. He says, “what’re you doing?”

“It goes in your belly button,” Connor says, “that’s what makes it _sexy.”_

Markus decides not to say anything, just waits. Caleb, ever bubbly states that he wants to go first, and before Markus can even react, the man has poured a bit more tequila onto the man, is leaning down to lick salt from Markus’s neck.

The only reaction Markus gives, is when Caleb sucks out the tequila, squirming slightly. He lets out a small laugh.

“Shit,” Connor says, although he doesn’t sound alarmed, but rather, devious. “You’re ticklish?”

Caleb bites into lime.

Markus stares across at Connor, says, “there is no correct answer to that question.”

“No,” Connor says, as Caleb pours another shot of tequila into Markus’ belly button, “there isn’t.”

He takes a step back, lets Nines take his shot. Again, Markus lets out a small laugh, answering the question of being ticklish without speaking.

And finally – Connor’s turn.

While his brothers had licked the salt quickly, getting the body shot over and done with, Connor seems to take the fact of Markus' ticklish nature in his stride. Instead of being quick, like the others, he slows down.

He takes a moment to look Markus in the eye, waits until Caleb has poured another shot of tequila, before placing both hands on the table and leaning down, a smirk on his face.

The salt is in a line, and now, in one slow, yet fluid movement, Connor makes his way down Markus' chest, licking up the salt he's so carefully ordered. The line ends by Markus' belly button, and Connor sucks the drink up, the edges of his mouth quirking up as Markus squirms, letting out an almost breathless laugh.

By the time Connor rises himself up, biting into lime, Caleb is looking at the camera, slightly alarmed. He says, "are we gonna have to add an adult rating to this video now?"

 "Tasted good,” Connor says, placing the lime back on the table. Markus moves so suddenly that he falls from the table

There is wheezing behind the camera. The sound only increases as Connor moves past the table and says, “oh shit, are you ok?”

* * *

The triplets are no longer behind the table, but rather the three members of Jericho are. Markus has been forced into the middle chair. On his left, Simon pats his shoulder and says, “it's good to know that you're not injured."

Markus raises an eyebrow at him, shakes his head. He says, "not physically. But my ego has received several injures today."

“Whatever," North says, waving a hand as if Markus' damaged ego is nothing to spare a thought for. It probably isn't, with how often she sees it shatter again. "It's out time to do a body shot. Will the triplets send their sacrifice?"

Connor makes his way into view. He winks at the camera, climbs onto the table and pushes himself across, offering a small wave to each of the Jericho members. Then, at the last second, he says, "they're brilliant boxers, right? Puppies."

The fabric of his boxers does, in fact, depict small cartoon puppies. They're mini sumo's, cartoon St. Bernard puppies. Connor lays down, lifts his arms above his head, and says, "I'm ready."

It is a wonder to everyone watching, just how Markus managed to keep from flushing. He simply takes the movement in stride, looks towards the tequila bottle and says, "can we make my shot a double?"

Beside him, the other members of Jericho offer him raised eyebrows. Then, they shrug, taking their pick of Connor's body and placing their salt. North goes for his stomach, just beside Connor's bellybutton. And Simon chooses his chest.

Perhaps the most adventurous, Markus re-positions Connor's leg, and like Connor had done to him, creates a line of salt. Except instead of on his chest, it's on the inside of Connor's thigh.

"Wow," North says from beside him, eyebrow in a perfect arch. It looks almost unnatural. She lifts the tequila up, readies the first shot. "You're really going for it, huh.”

Connor from where he's lying back, simply says, "people should go all out more often. It makes for better quality content."

Markus nods his head. He says, "we need to go all out for the viewers. This is for our viewers."

"Simon," North says, slipping into leader role as Markus tells Connor not to move his leg, lest he mess up the salt line he's made. "Why don't you start us off."

Simon doesn't make a fuss. He leans down, takes the shot and grabs his wedge of lime, biting into it, trying not to pull a face. The drink is strong though, and so ends up wincing at the taste any more, shaking his head.

Connor has been quiet during this, lips pressed tightly against each other, as he watches Simon take the shot. As soon as the blonde has moved back, he relaxes slightly, raises an eyebrow and says, "hey... can I have some lime too?"

North frowns at him, shrugs her shoulders and says, "well... they're nasty, but okay? I guess?"

She leans into a small tub and grabs some lime, placing the wedge in Connor's mouth. The man lets out a muffled, ‘ _fuck yeah’,_ before leaning back down, waving at North to pour the next shot.

"Try not to think about it too much," Caleb says off camera, "we're pretty sure he was born without taste buds."

North looks almost like she wants to ask questions, but instead, she doesn't. Instead, she places her own slice of lime by the waistline of Connor's boxers, tells him to hold onto that for a moment, as she pours the tequila. She places the tequila bottle down, letting it clink against the table, before leaning over, licking up salt.

Connor takes this moment to bite down on his wedge of lime.

Without so much as a pause, she drinks the tequila, before leaning down, picking up the wedge of lime between her teeth, and biting down. Looking up at the camera, she takes a moment to swallow down the mixture of lime and tequila, before removing the rind from her mouth.

"I guess Connor's right," she says, "going all out is kind of fun. Guess this means Markus has to one up me now."

Connor reaches up, takes out his own lime and laughs. It's a little breathless, but ultimately as cheery as before. He says, "body shots are always extreme. You gotta go big or go home."

Behind the camera, one of the triplet’s snort. Connor sends them a glare, only half-hearted. Then he says, "shut up you two."

He turns back to Jericho and offers a bright smile. "Can I have more lime?"

"There's only one slice left," Markus says glancing down, looking almost apologetic. "You used the spare."

Connor freezes, smile still on his face. It's almost strange how still he goes, frozen. Then, in a very quiet voice he says, "what?"

"Hey, I have an idea," North says, leaning forward. "Why don't you both have the lime. Connor hold between your teeth for Markus."

Markus flushes red, even as Connor says deal, practically stealing the lime from North, and placing it between his teeth. It does not help that he wags his eyebrows up at Markus, watching him closely.

"You know what," Markus says, after a long pause. "Sure, why not."

"That's my boy," North says, slapping him on the back. "Isn't this better than hiding under the piano?"

Markus grabs the tequila from North, pours a shot, before proceeding to drink a shot directly from the bottle. He lowers the bottle, places it back on the table and says, "that was a private moment."

North shakes her head, watching as Markus lowers himself, repositions Connor's leg before deciding just to keep hold of it in one position so the man can't move it again. She says, "it was on a stream. Thousands of people saw it."

"I don't recall." Markus says, and leans down to lick the salt from Connor's upper thigh.

Connor’s body seems to twitch, the muscles contracting, ever so slightly as Markus makes his way up the man’s thigh. Cheeks flushed, Markus pushes himself from the table, removes his grip from Connor’s leg before sucking on the man’s stomach. Then, swallowing tequila down, he moves up to Connor’s face, placing both hands on either side of the man’s shoulder’s, bending down.

A small nip on the lime is all he needs to remove the lime from Connor’s mouth. He bites down.

Markus pauses, takes a moment to wink, before settling back into his chair.

"Fucking body shots," Connor says at last, not making any effort to move from his spot on the table.

* * *

The clip cuts shows Nines sat with Simon.

“This was all certainly…” Nines looks almost confused on what to say next, glances at Simon and only receives a shrug. “ _something.”_

“Something is certainly what I’d use for it.”

“What have we learned from all this?” Nines continues, pausing. From behind the camera, Connor’s voice – _‘it’s not drinks that are sexy, but the people who drink them.’_

“Aww,” Simon says, “you made it go from weird to adorable. How’d you manage that?”

Nines shrugs, the movement is heavily exaggerated. He says, “It’s Connor, we already know he’s… special.”

There is a succinct pause, as Connor laughs off camera.

“Thanks to Jericho for driving all the way to our offices for the video. If you want to click on this link right here–” Nines takes a moment to point towards a hyperlink. It sits just beneath Simon’s chin, a box filled with a thumbnail for another video. “Then you can see the collab with did over on Jericho’s channel.”

The outro has the same pair up in the coloured rings as the intro had.

Blue reanimates Markus spitting out the drink, both Connor and Markus struggling to breath from the way they’re howling with laughter. Yellow shows Caleb and North each clinking their glasses together with cocktails. And Red shows the audience Nines and Simon taking the blowjob shot, struggling with one another.

* * *

The after credits aren’t long at all.

It cuts to Connor and Markus laughing again following Markus’ spitting the drink out onto Connor. He’s laughing into the napkin that he’s been given, shaking his head.

“Oh god, it’s everywhere.” Markus says.

“You were supposed to _swallow,_ ” Connor laughs, “not spit it out.”

The break into another fit of giggles.

* * *

**_Sexy Drinks(?!) w/ JeriCrew_ **

**Anderson Brothers. 6.4M.**

_720,305 views. – Published Feb 2, 2039._

Ok, so I’m not trying to be that annoying guy who questions everything, but why _is it_ called a ‘buttery nipple?’

Collab w/ JeriCrew, find them in the links below:

_[Show more]_

* * *

_24,302 comments_

_Yeet-the-cat-lord-into-revolution:_

fdhjghfudsnhsdhzdfg

FDGHJFBHJFXCJGHHWEUI

thank you god and also jesus

_-_

_Sumowarrior2:_

Connor and Markus turning into giggly bitches. *Zooms*

Connor and Markus turning into sexual deviants. *Zooms, but in Spanish*

-

_Ander-fanatic-1:_

RIP in pepperoni, Markus.

-

_Yeetmedaddy:_

The gay is spilling out, they can’t keep it contained <3

* * *

As soon as they’ve finished with the body shots, Connor placing his clothes back on, he takes a moment to grab his brother, glaring up at them. Caleb, little bastard that he is, only grins at him.

Sometimes, Connor wants to strangle him.

“You two,” Connor hisses, low enough that the members of Jericho can’t hear him, from where Kara has initiated them in conversation. “Are the worst.”

Caleb’s grin only widens. And while Nines might not be as emotive, even his expression is intense, as much so as it gets for him. They both look across at him, with smarmy expressions.

“You looked like you were enjoying yourself a lot.” Nines says. A pause, “especially with Markus–”

Connor raises a finger, points it at both of his brothers. His cheeks are flushed red, although he’s not as embarrassed as he probably should be. He knows that.

“Oh I’m not denying it,” Connor says, unashamed, “everyone knows I love body shots, but you guys are fucking _horrible.”_

Caleb squints. He says, “we’re horrible… because you enjoyed yourself?”

“I am…” Connor takes a moment, shakes his head. “My body is very sensitive and so that was a very…”

Caleb reaches into his pocket, takes out a ten-dollar bill and passes it over to Nines. Connor blinks, looks between them both.

“You got turned on by the body shots,” Nines says, “me and Caleb were betting about whether you would or not.”

“I wasn’t–”

“Oh please,” Caleb says, leaning forwards. “We know why you really wanted that lime.”

Connor, weaker now, buries his face in his hands, “oh god I was. I am. You guys are the worst.”

* * *

_Karaisqueen:_

One question – who the heck is mixing all these drinks? Is it Kara? I’m betting it’s Kara

-

_Callistodeservesmorehugs:_

I’m wheezing omg. Markus finding it hard to breathe? I’m finding it even harder!

Why must joy be agony?

-

_Ander-daddies:_

Connor’s smirk. Like some smouldering god of chaos. Markus, my sweet summer child didn’t stand a chance.

* * *

“So,” Nines catches their attention a few seconds later, and Markus turns to face him. Caleb has integrated his way back into their group, is talking with Simon in a soft voice about cats. “We alright with a quick break, and then get started on the next video?”

North is the one who says this is fine. They’ve still got drinks – Caleb has been adamant that for the other video, since they’ll be giving drunken opinions, they can’t afford to sober up. Not completely – and so she raises the cup and takes a sip.

Now that Markus looks at her drink, it’s the strong one from the video. North likes that crap? He’ll add that to the list of surprises North keeps throwing at him, even after all these years of friendship.

“Hey,” Markus says, looking around the room, “where did Connor go?”

North bumps into his shoulder, says, “you wanna lick more salt off him, is that why?”

Markus shakes his head. He’s still not completely sure how he’s not currently dying from both spitting a drink onto Connor Anderson and drinking one off the man. And then having one drunk off him…

He’s going to return to the space beneath his piano tonight. He just knows it.

Caleb offers an answer, “I think he’s just freshening up. Washing off any lingering tequila.”

Markus shouldn’t be thinking about Connor washing himself. It is wholly inappropriate, and horrible, and yet here he is, trying to keep a poker face while thinking about it.

“More alcohol?” Caleb says, “your glass is almost empty.”

Markus glances down, realises that there’s probably only a mouthful left, and nods his head. He says, “yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.”

He probably needs it.

* * *

Jericho are not consistent at creating videos.

As such, they don’t have an opening like the Anderson’s do. They go straight into the video without any cutscenes. It opens with Markus leaning on a table instead – the same one from the Anderson triplets’ video – arms crossed.

“We’re with the Anderson triplets today.” Markus says, and the camera very quickly turns to show the triplets, each of them offer a small wave. Connor is in different jeans from the previous video, having swapped out of the one’s that Markus had gotten alcohol on.

“Yo,” Connor says. His brothers follow suit with hello’s.

The video focuses back onto Markus, who continues with his video’s introduction: “we just finished up on a collab with some sexy drinks over on their channel – look at that link by my hand, click it if you haven’t seen that video yet – and now, it’s our turn.”

North pops her head up on camera. She says, “since the triplets offered us alcohol, like the fucking stars they are. We suggested we buy them food as thanks for the drinks.”

Simon heads into the video now, leans against the table beside Markus. He says, “we handed some cash over and Luther – a friend of the triplets, and a fellow youtuber – headed out to buy a lot of food from various take outs across town.”

“We’re gonna finally figure out,” Markus says, grinning, “which is the best take out to get, when you’re drunk.”

* * *

“We’ve got three rounds of drunk food testing,” Markus says, when the video cuts. He’s sat next to Caleb, the man leaning on his elbows and waiting for the food testing to begin.

“I’m so ready,” Caleb says, as the two men reach to the side of the table, lifting a paper bag each. They’re from two different fast food chains, “first round?”

“It’s a battle of burgers,” Markus says. He brings a box from his bag, places it down. Caleb does the same. “We’re going Burger King versus McDonalds.”

 _[The video cuts, very suddenly, to Connor. He's sat beside Simon, looking at the burgers, not even looking up at the camera as he asks, "can we be done with the explanation bit now, I just wanna eat. Let me eat the burgers."]_  

"Let's go Burger King first," Markus says, opening the box and taking out the burger. He glances at it, points towards the sesame seeds and says, "look at this, it's such a work of art."

As he points, Caleb seems to lean nearer to the burger, taking a bite before Markus can even react. Through a full mouth, he says, "we're taste testing, not talking about which looks better."

"Fair," Markus says, taking a bite of his own.

* * *

"I'm fucking in love with this burger," Connor says, chomping down on the burger. He's let Simon take a bite first, before taking his own bite. "I'm sorry, I don't think I want to share anymore."

Simon shrugs his shoulders, leans forward to pick up some of the Burger king fries and bites them instead. He says, "I'm not the biggest fan of burgers, but it is good."

Connor looks up mid-bite, mouth held open with shock. "You don't... like... burgers."

Simon bites into more chips. He says, "I don't hate them, they're just not my favourite thing to eat."

"It's like," Connor pauses to chew on more of the burger - he's a quick eater, is already mostly finished with it. It's probably for the best that Simon doesn't enjoy burgers that much, because it seems there's no chance of him having this burger anymore, "the food of gods, how can't you love them?"

Perhaps he realises that the diplomatic approach is best, Simon says, "means you have less burgers to share, I guess?"

"Daniel always said you were weird." Connor says, "but I thought that was just him speaking as a sibling."

* * *

"How is it..." Nines shakes his head, points at the burger and laughs, almost in disbelief, "how is it so good?"

North chews, says, "is it grilled? I fucking love grilled burgers, they're great."

Behind the camera, Kara lets them know that it's a flame broiled burger. Nines tries to say 'broiled' and stutters over the words instead. Out of the six of them, he seems to be the one who's most affected by alcohol. It's probably the vodka his brothers have force him to drink.

"Can we," Nines waves a hand over to the McDonalds burger, as if waiting for permission. North, never one to wait for permission, opens it up and takes a bite straight into the burger, pulls an entire piece of lettuce out. With one hand, she passes Nines the burger, and with the other, she pushes the lettuce up into her mouth.

"There's so much bread," Nines says looking at it. It's a big mac, has an extra layer of bread in the middle, between two meat patties. Almost, breathless and confused, he continues: "why is there so much bread?"

* * *

"They told me off for trying to eat all the food without letting Simon taste anything," Connor says as the camera reverts to him, he's pouting, digging into McDonald's fries. Beside him, Simon looks like he's resisting the urge to laugh, bites into the McDonalds burger instead.

"You can't fill yourself up on burgers," comes a short laugh from Markus behind the camera, "we have other foods to test."

Simon passes the burger towards Connor, and says, "ignore Markus. Enjoy the burger."

Connor's expression brightens. For a moment, he looks at the burger with wonder, then, he sinks his teeth into the bread, lets out a sound of pure bliss. Simon is laughing into his hand, before saying, "you never really realise that it's so pickled until your drunk taste testing."

Around a mouthful of food, Connor lets a moan. He says, "sexy drinks? More like sexy foods, the taste is orgasmic."

* * *

Markus and Caleb both bites into the McDonald's burger at the same time, from either side, as if to ensure there will be no fighting over who gets to try it first. For a moment, they both sit and chew, simply enjoying the taste. Then - they look at the burger, seemingly with wonder.

"This is the burger," Caleb says, waving a hand towards it, "that says, do you."

Markus glances at it, says, "and eat bread."

He places the burger back down, and then clasps his hands together. Readying himself to think. He says, "okay so we've actually got to pick a winner now. Which burger is the best?"

"I don't really want to choose," Caleb says, and then, shoving a bunch of McDonald's fries into his mouth, "but I'm choosing McDonald's. You can't beat their fries."

Markus shakes his head, he says, "I'm going with the king. Burger king."

* * *

 

_[The camera pans to the others. Nines, with a raised eyebrow says, "I'm going McDonald's - they're so generous with the bread."_

_Beside him, North nods her head. She says, "bread is fucking great. And you can actually taste the pickles."]_

* * *

Another shift - over to Simon. He says, "Burger king has my vote. I like the meat to bun ratio more."

Connor finally looks at the camera, smiling as if he's finally found peace with everything in his life. He says, "They're both so good, why can't I choose both?"

A pause as behind the camera, Kara tells him that the purpose of the video is to choose. "I'd eat more burger king this instant if we have any more- Do we?"

"We're moving on from burgers Connor," Caleb slurs, off camera. He says, "stop thinking about the burgers."

_"Never."_

* * *

The group switches around for the next testing.

Simon opens the second taste testing, waving his hands towards the two chicken brands. He’s sat next to Nines this time, the two of them looking equally excited for the fried chicken.

“Round two,” Simon says, rubbing his hands together. “Popeyes chicken, versus Kentucky fried chicken.”

“Everybody loves fried chicken,” Nines says. He leans closer to Simon, as if conspiring and whispers, “Gavin got Gary from the Chicken Feed to give him the recipe for his fried chicken, so I can have it whenever I want to.”

Simon smiles. “Is it better than takeout chicken?”

Nines pulls away, says, “that’s what I’m testing.”

No one states that actually; their job is to test which of the two is the best. Maybe it’s because of the sentimental expression on Nines’ face as he speaks about his fiancé, maybe it’s because really – everyone’s kind of curious about the detective’s cooking skills.

“Which are we going with first?” Nines asks, looking at the two boxes.

“Let’s go Popeyes.”

“Fuckin’ A.”

* * *

Caleb and North are sat together for this taste testing, although to begin with, they don't make to eat the chicken. They both offed the other a taste of their drinks, slowly nodding at the taste.

"It's about time for chicken, right?" North asks, and Caleb nods his head, placing down his wine glass. "We're all doing Popeye's first? Right?"

Another nod.

"Let’s get this mother fucking chicken." Caleb says, and together they rip off a chunk of fried chicken, the pair chewing. He nods his head, and then, waving his head up, "it's so good. Oh my god, _oh my god."_

* * *

"Fried chicken is the shit," Connor says, from his place beside Markus. He's already reaching towards the Popeye's chicken before anyone can make comments, and Markus shakes his head, letting out a small laugh. "It's like - it's like someone took happiness and deep-fried it into euphoria."

"Are you drooling?" Markus asks, as Connor grabs the chicken leg and bites straight into it. He grabs his own piece of chicken, as if knowing there's no possibility of them sharing. "You sound like your drooling."

Connor shakes his head mid bite, closes his eyes as he chews. Markus watches him for a moment, before realising that they're filming, and he quickly takes a bite of his own.

"Oh God," Markus says, mid-bite, "can you hear that crunch? My god, it's beautiful."

“Right?” Connor says, around a mouthful of chicken. He says, “all this food – this is the best day ever.”

Markus sends the man a smile, although with the way he’s hyper focused on his food, Connor doesn’t seem to notice. He says, “wanna move on to KFC?”

Finishing with the chicken leg in almost immediate fashion, Connor throws it down, sending Markus a smile that’s almost blinding with his intensity. “Oh wow, I could kiss you for that comment, of course I wanna move on to more food.”

Markus flushes red, and thankfully avoids having to say anything by reaching forward for Kentucky fried chicken, biting before he can make any sound.

* * *

“Fuck,” Nines says, as he bites into the second piece of chicken. His voice is loud, echoes slightly in the room, “it’s so good?”

Simon nods his head, tearing into more chicken. He says, “it’s like, peppery? The seasoning is just–”

He stops, nods his head, and eats more of the chicken.

“I used to have loyalties to Gavin’s cooking,” Nines says, glancing at the chicken with a forlorn expression. “But now I don’t know. _I don’t know anymore.”_

* * *

“Am I supposed to pick a winner?” Caleb asks, leaning against North’s shoulder, the woman feeding him sips from her wine glass. She’s laughing slightly as he keeps lifting a hand up to tilt the bottom of the glass. “Because everyone’s a winner.”

He lifts his own glass, almost hits North in the nose as he passes it to her. Then, “fuck, your drink is so good, what’s in it?”

“Cocaine.”

“Ah,” Caleb mutters, “makes sense. What do you think of KFC?”

“I’m pretty sure they designed their seasoning, so it would feel like the chicken is fucking your taste buds.” North says.

“You gonna choose that one as your favourite?” Caleb asks, receives a nod. “Same here.”

* * *

"Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw," Connor breathes. He falls silent, looking at the KFC box with a look of awe. Beside him Markus seems to wait for a continuation to his words, raising an eyebrow when nothing comes.

"...yeah?" he says, as a prompt.

Connor turns back to him, licks the grease from his fingers. He says, "that's my thought on the chicken. That's the feeling it brings, oh wow. I'm such a KFC guy. There's more left right? I'm gonna have more chicken, gotta keep that chainsaw running..."

Markus looks faintly alarmed. "I like KFC too but that's a bit - much?"

"No," Connor says, and he practically forces another piece of chicken into Markus' mouth, "taste it, it's so good."

_[Off screen, ensuring that there is no way the microphone can pick the voice up, North whispers: "oh please, Markus isn't hungry for chicken. Not when there's a snack right next to him."]_

* * *

“The final round!” North cheers. She’s sat next to Connor, and on the table, there’s a pizza box and a box of tacos. “And some may argue, the most important round. Which is better, taco bell or pizza hut?”

“Both of them come in a box,” Connor cheers, letting out a small cheer as he reaches for the pizza box, opening it up.

“How much food can you fucking eat?” North says, as he reaches forward to pick up a slice of pizza. The cheese is stringy as he lifts the slice up, and Connor squints as if daring it to fall rather than remain on the pizza.

“Enough that you guys find it shocking, apparently,” Connor answers.

North blinks. Seeming to accept the answer, she grabs a slice of her own and says, “I’ve been waiting for the pizza, so you can’t eat all of it.”

Connor lifts his hand into an ‘ok’ sign, pointer finger and thumb pressed against each other in an ‘o’.

“Pizza is like,” North takes a moment to consider her words, “the heroin of fast food. A little expensive, but it’s always worth it.”

“I would inject pizza,” Connor says, earning a snort from North, “but it tastes too good.”

* * *

Markus does not even try to hide the moan he makes as he bites into the pizza. Not that anyone judges him. Beside him, Nines nods his head, says, “mood.”

“I could eat an entire pizza, drunk, by myself,” Markus says, around another mouthful. “I mean, I have eaten an entire pizza, drunk by myself.”

Behind the camera, Simon says, “we’re still really betrayed you didn’t even leave us a slice.”

“It’s just so good,” Markus says, “melted cheese, the dough – when you add pepperonis and ham and – it’s…”

“Take out pizza is trash,” Nines says, shoving more into his mouth, “but it’s tasty trash.”

* * *

“Are we done with the pizza?” Caleb says, after they’ve finished chewing on pizza. He’s already leaning forward to grab a taco, passes one over to Simon, who’s still half way through his slice. “I’m excited for the fucking tacos.”

Simon blinks, shrugs his shoulders as if to say – _‘sure, we can move on’_ – and drops his pizza to open the taco.

“It’s not just a taco,” Simon says, as Caleb unwraps the taco. “ _it’s taco bell.”_

“If I could live of tacos, I would.” Caleb says. He drops the wrapping onto the table, and lifts the taco up, eyes glistening with what can only be joyful tears. The sudden emotional is unexpected, and his voice is choked as he says, “look at my little stoner taco, it’s so beautiful.”

Simon pats him on the shoulder, and it’s at this point that Caleb sniffs. He says, “I just love tacos so much. After instant ramen, they’re my favourite food.”

“You okay there?” Simon asks, and receives a quiet nod, as Caleb slowly bites into the taco. He looks past the camera, “is he okay?”

Connor’s voice echoes from behind the camera. He says, “yeah, he’s fine. He just drunk and really loves tacos.” A short pause. “Caleb, you need a hug buddy?”

Caleb takes another bite of his taco and shakes his head. He wipes at his face, and says, “I’m okay. I just wanna eat my taco.”

* * *

Markus looks at the taco, looks inside the box and says, “where’s the sauce?”

Nines shrugs his shoulders, mutters about how the taco is basically one huge dorito with filling and ignores Markus’ cry of outrage about the missing sauce. The taco crunches between his teeth.

“What are we doing?” Markus says, looking around. “How’s the taco supposed to win against pizza without any sauce? This is a losing battle!”

“Just eat the fucking taco,” Nines says, except it’s more muffled, since his mouth is filled.

“I was getting there,” Markus says, takes a bite. Then, his eyes flutter open, wide with shock. He says, “what kind of Frankenstein shit is this? _There’s sauce inside.”_

* * *

North is halfway through her taco, Connor finishing his, when she tilts her head, gestures towards the box and says, “bet you five dollars you can’t finish the rest.”

Connor leans forward, glances at the box and takes a moment to count the tacos. There’s six inside – since the box holds twelve and each of them has had one. And he immediately lets out a scoff and says, “easiest cash I’ll ever make.”

He pauses, says, “I’m gonna have to subtract one.”

Then, lifting a taco, he looks off camera, and says, “Caleb, you want another one?”

The resulting yes is quiet, and Caleb quickly scuttles forward onto the camera to grab the taco, before heading back off camera. For a moment, the video turns to follow him, and it captures the image of him heading straight for Nines.

“It’s–” He sniffs. “If I’d have waited with the other taco, I could have had a taco per hand. Now my taco’s lonely.”

Nines offers a nod, as if this is completely normal conversation. He offers his arms, and his brother walks into the hug, continues to sniff. Nines says, “eating that taco will take away it’s loneliness.”

The camera turns back to the bet between North and Connor, and already, the man has opened a taco and is trudging through it. The video is sped up, as if being run two times it’s original speed, and it shows Connor working his way through the tacos.

When he’s finished, he looks to North and opens his hand out. He says, “Tacos are way better than pizza. You think I wouldn’t finish them when given the chance?”

North steals the pizza box away from him, and says, “if you can’t appreciate how great pizza is, then you can’t have _any_ of it.”

Connor pouts, leans towards North and offers him what can only be described as _puppy-dog eyes._ He says, “I do appreciate pizza.”

“Nope,” North says, “no more pizza for you. No matter the eyes.”

Connor blinks. Continues with the look.

North shakes her head.

She stops and pauses, before sighing and throwing him another slice of pizza, relenting to his pout. Then: “where is he putting all of this food? I’d die if I tried to eat all that.”

* * *

“So,” it’s back to Markus now, “final verdicts. What’s the best drunk food?”

Connor’s next to him this time, and he grins at the camera and says, “I love all of them.”

“Still not the answer I’m after.” Markus says. “You have to choose one.”

“I’m going KFC,” Connor says at last, “or maybe it’s tacos… I don’t know which one, why would you make me choose?”

Markus pats him on the shoulder and says, “don’t worry, I’ll never make you choose between food again. I’ll just give you whatever’s there.”

Connor leans his head on Markus’ shoulder and whispers, “bless you.”

* * *

_[North doesn’t need to say what her favourite food is, simply waves at the pizza box on the table._

_Caleb similarly does not need to explain – he’s still emotional about the tacos, and as such, his vote is practically assured to be for such a fast food product. The camera just watches him as he chomps on his taco._

_“I think I’m going with pizza,” Simon says, “it’s just too good.”_

_Nines, slightly horrified, says, “I’m going with the chickens – KFC. Am I betraying Gavin by choosing this? I’m sorry Gavin, but this chicken blew my mind.”]_

* * *

“When you’re drinking,” Markus says, looking at the camera, Connor still leaning on his shoulder, the man looking tired after the mass consumption of takeout food, “you should be responsible and do it with friends.”

Connor blinks at the camera, finally lifts himself up and says, “and hey, if you have a lot of friends, you can order all of this.”

Markus nods his head as if this is normal practise.

Connor turns to him, whispers, “why have just one, when you could have it all.”

Markus looks at him and says, “do you think the KFC chicken would go well with pizza?”

For a moment, Connor brightens with happiness. He looks at Markus as if he’s one of the best people he’s ever seen. Then, he says, “I think it’ll be awful. Let’s do it.”

“North– give us some–” Markus stands. “Stop hoarding the pizza, we wanna try something disgusting.”

“Don’t desecrate the sacred pizza,” North hisses off camera. “I’m blocking you.”

* * *

**_Drunk food testing w/ Andersons_ **

**Jericho. 2.3M Subscribers**

_450,220 views. – Published Feb 2, 2039._

We got drunk for a video to figure out finally, mainly for the drinking part, but also to taste test takeout chains. Markus survived the meeting with the Andersons. We’re all very shocked.

* * *

_27,632 comments_

_Praisethecatlord:_

Caleb boy, you good?

-

_Northsfightclub:_

North and Caleb are officially the poster children for asexuality and I love them. WE DEMAND MORE.

-

_Markus’-piano:_

AND WE THOUGHT MARKUS WAS THE DISASTER.

HE PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE ANDERSONS.

* * *

**_Ishipit_ **

See me coming in with this good shipping content.

_[Gif of Connor and Markus laughing together.]_

_[Gif of Markus leaning forward, as if to kiss Connor as he heads to get the lime wedge.]_

_[Gif of Connor leaning on Markus’ shoulder.]_

_51,305 notes_

#Ishipit #sosomuch #MarkusManfred #ConnorAnderson #MarkusxConnor #ConMan #JeriCrew #THISCOLLABWASAGIFT

* * *

“Gavin is on his way,” Nines says, when they’ve finished with the video. They’ve filtered out of the office, into an open space where they can all sit and chill out before heading back.

“The fiancé,” North says from where she’s not lounging against the couch. She’s leaning back, across Markus’ lap and has her phone in front of her. “Do you think he’ll be okay with the fact you took a body shot off another man.”

Nines blinks. For a moment, he opens his mouth as if to come back with a something witty, but then he closes it. He turns, stares into the distance, frowns.

Caleb, sat next to him, pats his shoulder and says, “you phoned him about it. He’s cool with it.”

Mouth opening in a small ‘o’, Nines nods his head. He says, “oh yeah, so we did. Wouldn’t say he’s _cool_ with it though.”

“He’s grumpy,” Caleb says, “sure, but he doesn’t tell you not to.”

A low rumble in his throat, as Nines closes his eyes ever slowly. The alcohol had been moderate for the others, but the vodka seems to have truly hit him now, and he leans back on the couch. He says, “yeah, Gav’s the best.”

* * *

_Gaywinegums_

Ok, so people are freaking out about Markus and Connor, but can we just appreciate how classy Caleb and North are?

_[Gif of North giving Caleb some of her drink]_

_[Gif of Caleb passing North his own wine glass. The caption has him saying, ‘what’s in this?’ before changing to another caption of, ‘cocaine’.]_

_23,034 notes_

#Theirfriendshipisgoingtobeamazing #caleb #north #classywinedrinkers #andersons #jericrew

* * *

Markus looks down at his phone when it buzzes in his pocket, waits until North lifts her head up to allow him space to grab it from the depths of his pocket, before lying back down.

“It’s the group chat,” North informs him, before he can even glance at the screen. “Simon sent a video of us dying after you spat that drink everywhere.”

God. It’s not even gone up on the internet yet and Markus is already mortified. He still can’t believe that he spat a drink at Connor Anderson. What a fucking idiot he must have looked.

Markus opens the group chat, notices that Simon has, in fact sent them the video – he’s put it on their twitter account too, since the video doesn’t give away the premise of the collaborations – and that the message has now been viewed by the all of Jericho.

He considers pressing play, before deciding he’ll keep the mortification to himself and focus on it again later. For now, he’s simply going to push the memory to the back of his head and try to cope with the rest of this situation.

The first to respond is Josh – _I hate that you guys are healthy._

And then North – _Aww, poor baby_

Markus decides it’s probably for the best that he leaves them to duke it out. He goes to slip the phone into his top pocket but is stopped within seconds. Mainly because Caleb has popped up beside him. The triplet asks, “can I steal Josh’s contact info?”

Markus blinks. “Uh, I’ll send a text and ask if he doesn’t mind? But it should be fine.”

Caleb grins. He says, “it sucks that we’re missing the final member of Jericho. So, I’m gonna bug him to come visit us, to make it a full house.”

Markus nods his head. “He’s a fan of your cats. I think if you spam him with pictures, it’ll boost his immune system.”

North snorts, “yeah, until it completely fails on him. Here – his digits. No need to ask, he’ll be fine.”

Running a hand through his hair, Caleb lets out a cheer. He taps the digits into his phone, saving the number under Jericrew Josh. Then, still leaning against the couch, he clicks into message and prepares pictures.

Three minutes later, another message pops through into Jericho’s group chat. It’s Josh.

_‘Who am I required to thank?”_

* * *

"Hey," Connor says, leaning down behind where Jericho are sat, remaining crouched as he looks at them. Somehow, Caleb has integrated himself into their group, has wedged himself between Simon and Markus. "So, Gavin's picking Nines up right. Watch how much of a mess he becomes."

Simon says, "from what we've seen in videos, I can't imagine him becoming a mess at all."

"You guys don't think-" Caleb scrunches his nose, shakes his head. "-he really has the internet fooled, huh?"

North sits up, as if she's been introduced to a huge conspiracy. Under her breath she whispers, "no, really?"

Connor nods. He says, "he normally doesn't show how much of a mess he is sober, but since we've been drinking... this is an opportunity for you all."

Nines blinks at them, tilts his head, before deciding that it's probably not worth questioning. And maybe it isn't, because the elevator makes a small dinging sound, letting them know there's someone entering the floor. He turns, probably too quickly to play it off as 'curiosity' and keeps his attention towards the corridor.

Connor puts a hand on Markus' shoulder, shakes him. He says, "it's begun."

Detective Gavin Reed is not the most intimidating man, but he is in the upper percentile of such a list. It's the way he carries himself as he heads into the room, stopping and waving with two fingers, muttering a small, "yo."

This is, after all, a man whose day job includes investigating murders and taking part in interrogating murderers. He's adopted body language that gains confessions, is both accommodating but also firm.

Nines offers him a nod, watches as his fiancé raises an eyebrow, and says, "did you catch any killers today?"

Perhaps he would sound cool, if the words weren't slurred. 

But he doesn't, and instead, his fiancé walks closer, looks at him and says, "oh my god, Nines _, it's 5pm."_

"Well done." Nines says, in a tone that's somehow both bland and amused at the same time. His lips quirk up at the side. "You've successfully learned how to tell the time."

Gavin sends a look towards Caleb and Connor. As a member of the guilty party responsible, Connor dives behind the couch, away from the exasperation and blame. The detective says, "why's he this drunk at 5pm on a Tuesday?"

Caleb, perhaps the only unruffled one, says, "we made another drunk video and Nines has low tolerance."

Jericho watch the entire conversation as bystanders, not entirely sure how to react. As such, they're witness to the way Nines keeps his gaze locked onto his fiance, waiting for him to come closer, or to pay him some attention. When he receives neither, he lifts a first to his mouth and fakes a single cough.

He waits a few seconds, and then, coughs again. This time, Gavin turns, "I thought you guys were taste testing alcohol, not having a full drinking session?"

Caleb shrugs, "he lost odds."

Nines looks at his fiance. He says, "they made me drink vodka because I lost odds."

"No one made you drink vodka," Gavin says, "you did it because you're a dipshit. The things you do for videos..."

Nines pushes himself up to his feet. He says, "ok, let's head home."

Connor pops back up from behind the couch and says in a stage whisper, "he wants to leave so he can get all cuddly without any of us calling him out on it. Hey, Nines, why don't you just get on with it. Give us a show."

Nines flips him off. Hisses, "shut up," before looking at Gavin. The detective doesn't offer any sympathy, and so he lets out a huff.

"It was nice to meet you," he says, to Jericho, and then to Gavin. "But really, did you catch any killers today?"

Gavin grabs Nines by his shoulders, turns him ever so slightly so he's facing towards the elevators, and offers a small push between the shoulders, to stir him to start walking.

"Wait for it," Connor whispers, the sound so quiet that Markus is surprised he hears it at all. "Here it comes."

"My balance is all over the place," Nines mutters, "help me?"

Gavin let's out a huff of his own, but as they start to turn the corner, he lets Nines grab his hand, fingers interlocking. A testament to his fondness for the man: He only swears twice.

Caleb turns to the members of Jericho now, says, "there's a vantage point in my office that'll give us great view to his clingy traits if you wanna go stalk my brother."

North seems to brighten at the idea and says, "sign me the fuck up. Come on Simon, let's see how much of a softy Nines is."

Simon, begrudgingly, stands. The three of them are out of the room within seconds. Markus stands too, ready to follow, when Connor grabs onto his wrist and says, "hey Markus, can I have a word?"

Markus turns, glances back at Connor. Now that they're not pressured with performing for the camera, the man being near to him is overwhelming. It's possible to make out the faint freckles dusting Connor's cheek. As if realising the how close in proximity they are, Connor drops his hold on Markus, takes a step back.

When had Connor moved around the couch? Because they're so close now, and it's leaving Markus' cheeks burning.

"Yeah?" He says, mouth very suddenly dry.

"In your videos," Connor says, "your friends are always teasing you about me. I just - is that an act? Or?"

Oh God - he probably thinks that Markus is a complete weirdo, a creep for having a crush on him. Well, it's not his fault that Connor Anderson is so attractive, the man should be blaming himself. But still, it must be weird to work with someone who...

Markus swallows. Tries to ignore the fact that his heart rate has escalated drastically.

"I - sorry, it's just like, a fanboy crush." Markus says, "it'll go away, I don't want to make things awkward."

"Oh," Connor says. He takes a step back, glances down. Then, both hands curling into fists by his side, he looks back up. It seems, almost, like he's trying to summon courage to talk. He meets Markus' eye. "Don't will it away if it's just for my sake."

Markus flushes even more. His heart pounds against his chest, and Markus is faintly surprised that it's still beating at all. "I- uh- wha-"

Connor runs a hand through his hair, pulls at the collar of his shirt. "Fuck - I guess, I'm just saying, I think I'd like it if you didn't try to will it away?"

This is quite possibly the most bizarre conversation he's ever had. Markus considers, very briefly, that he's the one who's ill, that he's still hiding under his piano and this is all a fever dream. Then, he realises that a fever dream wouldn't embarrass him by making him spit out a drink on the man.

Slowly, Markus opens his mouth. The words come out a little strangled, and Connor lets out a laugh at the strain: "you're going to have to spell this out for me. Assume I don't understand anything."

"I think you're attractive," Connor says, the words blunt, although the tone is nervous. "And I think your funny so... I think, if you want to, that qualifies for... getting coffee or something? Just us?"

Markus blinks. Then, before his brain can really catch up with his mouth, he says, "I don't drink coffee."

A pause. His face is practically burning.

"Oh shit," Markus says, "I don't mean that as a rejection. I just - I mean - shit, I'm a _tea_ person, so I mean in a way - we'd have to go somewhere that serves tea too." C

onnor heaves out a shuttered breath. He says, "you have poor social skills. You just gave me a heart attack."

"Excuse me," Markus says, personally affronted. "I'll have you know that usually, my social skills are great. It's not my fault my brain can't handle..." He waves a hand at Connor, as if highlighting his very being, "all this."

"I hear that exposure therapy helps in things like this."

Oh God, he sure hopes that it does. Markus can't imagine he'll be able to cope with his own fuck ups if they become a common occurrence. He's already thinking up a new symphony for a song in his head called 'I don't drink coffee'. So far, it includes faceplanting the piano and hoping his screams will be muffled enough that Carl won't phone the police.

"I sure hope it does," Markus says. He reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone and says, "I'll just give you my number and we'll set this up through texts, so I can prove to you that sometimes, I can be smooth."

Connor's laugh is slightly breathless, but he nods, pulling out his own mobile.

"How about you prove how smooth you are by introducing me to tea," Connor says, "maybe that can be your mission, while we get to know each other better."

Markus offers him a smile.

The idea of spending time with Connor, without a camera, without the other triplets, or the rest of Jericho... Getting to know him...

"Yeah," Markus swallows, "yeah, that sounds good to me."

Connor grins, leans forward and grabs Markus' wrist again. "Perfect... Now - I don't know if they'll be gone yet, but do you wanna see if we can stalk Nines on his way out of the office?"

Markus lets out a laugh. He breathes, "sure."

Connor keeps hold of his wrist until they reach the group in Caleb's office. And yet, Markus can still feel the man's touch lingering against his skin after he lets go, almost a present as his pulse in his ears.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised that I'd planned too much for this chapter, and so I've decided to split this in half, to make sure we don't end up with like... a 20k chapter. So, it's a little shorter, but never to worry, it's still filled with a lot of content that you'll love.
> 
> Thanks again to my vodkats over on discord. I love them very much, they're amazing.  
> And thanks to YOU guys, for giving such beautiful responses! I hope that you'll continue to enjoy this au as much as I do. xx

**_Making cupcakes, and destroying a man's ego_ **

**Caleb w/ Cats - 3.5M Subscribers**

ATTTTTENTION CAT ARMY!

Josh Pace (from @JeriCrew) and I decided to make cupcakes. They went ok. I tried to make him question a few things off camera. It went too well - I think now he's questioning his life. We've all been there. (Callisto rates Josh 18.3 on pats.)

* * *

As usual with his videos individual from his brothers, Caleb opens his video with a brief introduction on how his cats are doing. Nova, he says, is still enjoying using him as a pillow. Orion played with a new cat toy today. Callisto had her hair brush. And Castor climbed to the top of a cabinet just because he could.

Then he leans forward and says, "but that's not the only reason you clicked this video. You guys want Josh."

Caleb's eyes brighten. He says, "Josh from Jericho wasn't present for the sexual tension that was displayed in our latest video, so I invited him to come cook with me instead. And to meet some of my cat army. Come on screen Josh - come on, come on!"

Josh seems to jog into view, stops beside Caleb and pats the side of his legs. He offers a small wave to the camera, but before he can say anything, he turns glancing down off camera.

"That's an invitation for pats," Caleb says, and Josh leans down off camera. When he stands up again, Callisto is in his arms, the Norwegian forest cat purring as Josh runs his hands against her fur. "Go behind her ears, she likes that the most."

"I think we're going to have to put cooking on hold for a second." Josh says, as the cat butts her nose against his palm. Caleb nods.

* * *

The video jumps. Caleb and Josh are without any feline friends and are now in Caleb's kitchen.

"Ok," Caleb says, turning to Josh, "I thought today we could cook some cupcakes. Which should be really fun because - well, we're not gonna stick to a recipe!"

Josh opens his mouth, looks slightly alarmed and repeats the words straight back to him. "We're not going to stick to a recipe?"

"Correct!" Caleb offers him a thumbs up. Grins. "How are we supposed to develop our skills as bakers if we don't experiment. SO! I went online to look up which ingredients we would need, and that's all we'll use as help!"

This is only going to go badly. Viewers don't even need to look at Josh's bewildered expression to know that it's going to be a disaster.

"Ok," Caleb says, and he grabs an apron, one with cartoon cats on, lifting it over his head, "let's get cooking, shall we Josh?"

* * *

The camera cuts to Josh helping Caleb tie the back of his apron – designed with a cartoon cat holding a whisk, with the caption _‘add meow butter’ –_ and the Anderson triplet shaking his head telling him he’s terrible at tying knots.

“I’m sorry,” Caleb says now, “but it’s true. You’ve arrived terribly unprepared.”

“It’s an apron,” Josh says, “You don’t even need to be wearing an apron for cupcakes.”

Caleb fixes him with a stare. He remains quiet. Saying nothing. Josh doesn’t wilt, it’s not a heavy stare, but he does shrug his shoulders and say that he supposes aprons are fine if you want to wear them.

“I’m glad you understand,” Caleb cheers. “And meow we wash our hands come on.”

The sink is at the edge of the video, and as such, the men have their backs opposing the camera for the few seconds they focus on washing their hands.

Part way through washing their hands, Josh lets out an indignant, _“stop splashing me. You’re getting my clothes all wet.”_

“Maybe they wouldn’t be wet if you were wearing an apron.” Caleb replies.

“Okay, okay,” Josh says, unable to resist a laugh. Now with clean hands, they approach the counter, and Caleb brings out the ingredients they’re going to need to make the cupcakes.

“So, my thoughts,” Caleb says, “is to take these ingredients and just… throw them all in a bowl and mix them up. That’s how this works, right?”

Josh looks mildly alarmed. “That’s not how baking works at all.”

“Castor says that it’s how we cook cupcakes.” Caleb whispers, “but he’s only a kitten, he’s still learning.”

“Well,” Josh says, “it’s a good thing that we’re cooking instead of the cats.”

It is not a good thing at all.

* * *

“Okay, so before we throw any ingredients together,” Caleb says, nodding his head towards his oven. “We need to preheat the oven. How high do you want to put it?”

Josh crosses his arms and says, “how about 320 degrees?”

Caleb nods, decides that this is a good enough plan and turns to the oven. At first, he seems to be doing a good job of organising everything. And then, Josh turns, eyes widening comically as he almost seems to lunge forward saying, “that’s not the oven, that’s the grill–”

The man turns, offers Josh his most innocent smile and says, "Oh yes, I knew that. I was just testing to make sure you were paying attention."

He says it so convincingly, that it simply cannot be the truth. Josh shakes his head, incredulous, before pointing towards the oven, turning the correct nozzle to turn it on. He says, "how are you a fully functioning adult?"

"Who said anything about functioning?"

Josh is quiet for a moment. And then, a little louder, his voice cracking ever so slightly despite the smile on his face, "Caleb... I'm sure you know weird facts... What's the melting point of _brain?"_

Caleb ignores his question, taps on his head and says, “how much flour are we going to put into the cupcakes?”

Josh leans forward, grabs the flour – it’s self-raising, somehow Caleb has gotten the ingredients right, at least – and pulls it close to him. Caleb, simultaneously, grabs a large bowl from one of his cupboards, placing it on the counter.

“Let’s go for three hundred grams?”

Caleb nods. Pulls the scales towards him, beneath the bowl and then opens the bag of flour. He gets about two seconds into it, when Josh leans forward and stops him with an arm.

“You’re–” Josh shakes his head, another laugh, “you gotta sieve the flour to make it light.”

“I don’t own a sieve.”

“Your main purpose of creating this channel was to _cook_ and you don’t have a sieve?”

“My main purpose, sure, but I’m not any _good_ at it.” Caleb’s expression is a mix between amused and disappointed in himself. He says, “My first video was a how to make instant ramen. And I _burnt myself.”_

Josh’s expression is slightly sympathetic, and then it twists. He says, _“but we need a sieve.”_

* * *

Another cut, this time, it shows Josh and Caleb wondering through the aisles of the supermarket, making their way towards the cooking utensils. Caleb is muttering about how there’s no need for a sieve but that he’s doing this for Josh’s sake.

The camera catches a pair of fans, who wave hello, Caleb bouncing as he offers a greeting in response. A quick jump, and then they’re picking out a sieve, small, blue and made from plastic.

“How many times are we going to have to pause in cooking these cupcakes?” Caleb asks.

“We’ve not even started the cupcakes!”

“Because you said we needed a sieve, Mr. I want to try and cook these seriously.” Caleb pouts at the camera, ignores the laugh from behind it. “No, stop laughing at me, I left Castor alone during baking time, he _loves_ baking time.”

“We’ve not even been gone for ten minutes,” Josh says. “We’ll be back to baking time soon.”

Caleb crosses his arms, and says, “fine.”

* * *

 

Back in the Caleb’s apartment – Josh is sieving while Caleb pour the flour into the newly bought utensil. Caleb has put his apron back on, looks very proud of himself as they finally begin to cook their cupcakes.

“You – the flour’s going everywhere,” Josh says. He shakes the sieve, lets out a huff that isn’t entirely exasperated but is certainly bordering on it.

“No, it’s not,” Caleb says, and then, moving forward to look at the other side of the bowl, he clicks his tongue, “oh, yeah, fair enough. Let’s swap.”

They swap over, and then, Josh is pouring the flour, as Caleb attempts to sieve the flour. Flour is in Caleb’s hair, somehow, and neither man seems to understand how this has happened.

“Oh come on,” Caleb says, “stop pouring it like it’s cereal, just throw it into the sieve.”

“Cooking with you is so stressful oh god–”

“It’s your penance for being ill during the collaboration video. Don’t worry, we can watch a movie after this to calm down.” Caleb tilts his head, looks down. “Oh – the scales turned themselves off.”

Josh swears.

* * *

“Ok,” Caleb says, finally. “We’ve got roughly three hundred grams of flour in here – we’re not entirely sure, so we’ve decided to just give up on the scales and play things by eye.”

Josh nods, solemnly. He says, “I hope we’ll have cupcakes after this. They don’t even need to taste good at this point, they just need to look like little cakes.”

“Okay,” Caleb says. “We also need sugar and butter. Let’s just… do you want to just pour in the sugar?”

“We need to sieve the sugar too,” Josh says, “I think.”

Caleb throws his hands up, almost knocks the bowl of flour off the counter and barely catches it in time. After a long moment of watching Josh, he heaves out a sigh and says, “I feel like we need to worry about more bigger issues than if the sugar has small clumps in.”

Josh stares at him, long enough that Caleb relents and places the sieve back out. They’re both smiling though, as they pour sugar into the bowl. As Josh goes to remove the bag, Caleb takes a moment to throw his hand beneath the sugar.

Most of the sugar granules that fall go into the sieve. But some spread across the counter, other granules spilling over onto the floor.

Caleb looks down, shuffles and says, “Castor likes sugar.”

“Cat’s don’t have taste buds that pick-up sugar,” Josh says, “Castor probably can’t taste it.”

Caleb gives him an almost awestruck expression. He seems almost overwhelmed, and he lifts a hand up to wipe away tears that aren’t there. He says, “oh my god, today is the _best day.”_

Josh blinks.

“Cat facts,” Caleb says, “are probably my second favourite thing. Right after actual cats.”

“I imagine if you could become a cat, you would.” Josh says, leaning over to scoop up the butter, grabbing a knife to throw as much in as he thinks that they need. Now bringing the topic to cats, Caleb is distracted, and so lets him add ingredients as he wants.

“Everybody wants to be a cat.”

* * *

They decide on adding three eggs.

Caleb declares that he must do this, and so, he refuses to let Josh help in this task. He grabs one egg, lifts it with careful precision and taps it against the bowl. It’s to light to even create a crack.

This time, he does it with more pressure.

The egg seems to fracture, but not enough to crack open. Instead, there are web-like cracks across the egg shells, and Caleb pushes his thumb into the crack to try and break through to the contents inside.

He does this for the other two eggs, a slow, steady smile forming on his face.

“I’m so fucking proud of myself,” he says. “Look – Josh! Only two pieces of shell reached the bowl.”

Josh looks like he’s not sure whether to slow clap, an applause for the feat, or whether he should stare at the camera, completely stoic.

Eventually, he decides on a single clap. And says, "well done."

“Okay,” Caleb says, “give me a spoon, I’m gonna have to fish those pieces of shell out.”

* * *

“I got rid of the shells,” Caleb says after another cut in the video. He’s holding a teaspoon up, looking very proud of himself. "and now, we're going to stir it all together, yes?"

Josh nods. He looks at the teaspoon as Caleb lowers it into the cupcake ingredients, stirring with it and lifts a hand to his forehead. He heaves out a sigh, before leaning forward to grab the mixing spoon and hand it towards the man.

"Oh," Caleb says, "oh yeah, that's the spoon I should be using. Right."

He places the teaspoon down, takes the mixing spoon and starts to stir the mixture into itself. It... seems to be okay, until Josh leans over and shakes his head. He says, "it's all lumpy."

"I told you that the sieve did nothing." Caleb huffs.

"The sieve really isn't to be blamed here." Josh says. He lets out a laugh, takes the mixing spoon and says, "Didn't you ever pay attention in food tech classes?"

"Connor and I used to swap places for food tech..." Caleb says, unashamed, "I used to sit for his science classes and then he'd do my food tech classes..."

"Oh god," Josh says, "well at least that makes sense as to why you never learnt how to cook properly..."

Caleb nods his head, and then, pauses, seeming to wonder whether he should take this as an insult. Then, a shrug, "Yeah, I guess."

* * *

Another jump in the video. Josh lifts the cake mixture up so it's in camera view and says, "It sort of looks like it could become cupcakes. want to throw them into the cupcake cups?"

Caleb nods, turns on his feet and opens one of the drawers. He says, "I have the little silicone cups for these, at least. I'm not too useless here."

Josh laughs. He says, "Do you have a tray to put the cupcakes into?"

This time, Caleb is the one who swears. He says, "Can't we just put them onto a tray?"

Josh stares at him. In response, Caleb kneels - off camera - and the sound of him opening his cupboards can be heard. He swears and then, a cake tin is slowly lifted up onto the kitchen counter, pushed forward by Caleb's hand.

"We're going to turn this into a cake." Caleb says, "Because I don't want to go back to the store."

"Right." Josh says.

"But when we're done," Caleb says, "we can cut the cake into pieces and put them into like, plastic cups or whatever. Then they'll still be cupcakes. Cakes in a cup."

"I hate that this is the most sense you've made since we started cooking," Josh says. He moves the cake tin nearer, and after lining it with grease proof paper - seriously, how does Caleb have some elements for cooking, but not the more important ones? - Caleb pours their mixture in.

"Out of my brothers and I," Caleb says, catching Josh's eye, "I'm the most logical. Always have been."

Josh sends him a look that's pure doubt. Then he says, "I... I've not met the others so I can't make any judgements."

Caleb nods. He says, "Most people think it's the other two, but Connor's the most emotional, and Nines is just... dramatic. Logic is my thing, even if it's not the logic most people want to hear."

* * *

Josh is the one who brings the cake out from the over, wearing kitten oven gloves and placing it onto the counter, where Caleb has set up a cooling rack.

"You have a cooling rack, but not a cupcake tin?" Josh asks.

"Yeah," Caleb nods. "Sometimes I like to do some experiments and stuff. I don't have a lab, so my kitchen works just as well."

Josh pauses, looks like he wants to ask and then closes his mouth. He nods his head, pulling off the oven gloves, before placing them on the side. Then, finally, he bites. He says, "experiments?" 

"Oh yes," Caleb says. He nods, "Haven't I mentioned it in videos before? I really love science."

He hasn't. The expression on Josh's face, contemplative, nodding, says that he hasn't. Josh however, has never tried to hide the fact that he’s a big fan of the topic in Jericho’s vlogs, and so, the smile he offers is one of mutual love for the topic.

"How are you so bad at cooking," Josh wonders "When it's just like a science experiment, but one you get to eat at the end?"

Caleb shrugs, "Who knows?"

* * *

The video ends with Caleb cutting into the cake, pulling two pieces out and depositing it into two mugs. He lifts them up, tilts his head and says, “should we mix up some buttercream?”

Josh accepts, and they mix butter with icing sugar with butter in a bowl, before pouring some into their mugs. Then, Caleb pours the remaining buttercream icing into a wine glass, ignoring the strange look he is sent, and lifting it to look more closely at it.

“You can’t drink icing from a wine glass,” Josh says. “Caleb, _please.”_

“You can drink anything from a wine glass, if you let yourself live a little.” Caleb whispers, and then, after a wink towards the camera, the video cuts out.

* * *

_450,355 views. – Published Feb 10, 2039._

_15,092 comments_

_Praise-the-cats_

LIVE YOU BEAUTIFUL CAT BASTARD

-

_Caleb-for-cat-president_

Ok so we can all agree that Connor is the emotional one, but Nines? Dramatic? Sounds fake, but ok.

-

_Nyan-Nyan-Nya_

Callisto likes JOSH!!!!! This means we can ship the two and it’ll be okay with the kitties xxxxx

-

_Joshisabosssss_

If you go to 01.18 in the video, you can see the moment Josh’s soul leaves his body. Shame – poor man shouldn’t cook with a known disaster

* * *

**_IShipIt_ **

I don’t know who I ship Caleb with anymore. He’s just so good with all of Jericho that he could be with any of them.

[Gif of North and Caleb drinking wine together.]

[Gif of Josh and Caleb trying to sieve flour together.]

[Gif of Simon and Caleb eating tacos, Simon patting him on the shoulder.]

_69,210 notes_

#IShipIt #he’ssoshippable #CalebAnderson #NorthDurand #JoshPace #SimonBlythe #JeriCrew

-

**_DisasterChef_ **

Call out post. Caleb says he likes ‘science’ and yet, he can’t cook for _shit._

_9,603 notes_

#CalebAnderson #Catgodhasflaws

-

**_Praise-the-cat-god_ **

I love Caleb Anderson to pieces, but I would die before I let him cook me anything.

_56,305 notes_

#Catgod #Andersonbois #caleb #selfcare #isknowing #youwouldnever #eathiscooking #andacceptingthat

* * *

Connor knows that waiting by the window of the offices, waiting for Markus to come pick him up and take him away on the date they've set up is only going to drive him insane, so he settles at his desk and focuses on editing their latest video. It's hard to pay attention though, and he closes his eyes as he realises that it's _going to be one of those days._

"Oh God," Connor mutters to himself, burying his head in his hands. "Don't fuck this up Connor."

He can hear footsteps outside his office, nearing but then stopping before they can fade again. Someone's stood by his door - Not Markus, Connor had said just a text saying he'd arrived would be okay, that he didn't need to park up and then come all the way upstairs - so it must be one of his brothers.

"Look at you, all grown up and trying out dating again." It's Nines. Of course, its Nines - he's the only one who'd tease him about going out on a date, since he's the only one of them lucky enough to find someone willing to put up with their dysfunctional selves.

Connor lowers his hands, turns to look at him. And then, he says, "I'm literally older than you."

"Physically," Nines says, smirking. "But some things have nothing to do with age, Con."

"If you're trying to convince me that you're the most mature of us all," Connor says, "then I'd just like to remind you of how you laid on the floor, staring at nothing when Gavin sent you a text asking to pick up milk on the way back from the office."

Nines shrugs a shoulder. He says, "You know that had nothing to do with the milk, and more to do with the fact that the text chime interrupted the music I was listening to."

Yes, Connor thinks, Nines has always been ridiculously protective over his favourite soundtracks.

"Still proves my point." Connor says. "You're not more mature than me."

Nines narrows his eyes. Then, crossing his arms, he heaves his shoulders up into another shrug. He says, "So, a date with Markus, huh? You excited?"

"I think I'm more nervous, actually" Connor says. He swivels in his chair to make looking at his brother easier. "Any tips?"

Nines takes a moment to cross his arms, considering. Eventually, he shakes his head and says, "Don't fuck up?"

Oh, great. Connor always loves Nines advice. His brother always manages to successfully capture everything he wants to hear, by not really saying anything at all.

"Thanks." He says, dully.

His phone vibrates on the desk, and Connor turns, feels his pulse pick up as he realises that it's a text from Markus. He doesn't want to be nervous, really, but he can't help it. Was he this nervous the first time he and Daniel had gone out on a date? He doesn't think so - but he's older now, a little more - ugh - tamed.

"I gotta go," Connor says, grabbing his phone and pushing himself up. He grabs his jacket from the back of his seat, ignores the raised eyebrow from his brother and says, "wish my luck."

"You're wearing... that leather jacket again?"

"On his livestream, he reacted very... positively to my old pictures," Connor says, putting it back on. Nines mutters something about how hiding under a piano isn't a positive reaction, is mostly a disaster reaction. "Also, shut up, you love this jacket."

"It makes you look like you stepped off the set of Grease."

"Sure," Connor rolls his eyes. "It looks sexy and you know it."

Nines shrugs again, waves towards the door and shrugs. He says, "Let Markus be the judge of that one. Get out of here."

And Connor, deciding that it's probably for the best not to argue this time, nods his head and goes.

* * *

Markus is waiting for him down in the car. It's a Hyundai, silver, makes Connor feel like he's being picked up by a taxi driver rather than by his date, but he can't help but like it. It'll be a smooth ride, he knows that much. Part of him is too accustomed to riding his bike to appreciate the smooth sailing of a car, but another part of Connor likes the car.

He makes his way around to the passenger seat, pulls the car door open and offers a smile.

"You're early," he says, offers a smile in response to Markus' own smile. The man's cheeks redden at the sight of leather, and inwardly, Connor preens. He can't deny that he appreciates the fact that he's made the man blush. "Points in your favour."

"And you're wearing leather." Markus says back, pointing out the obvious. "Points in your favour, but - but I must warn you, if I crash now, you're to blame."

"I'll foot your medical bills if you do."

"I'll hold you to it," Markus says, letting out huffed laughter. He waves Connor in to the car, watches as the man grabs his seat belt, buckles himself in, before pulling the handbrake down, and putting his foot down on the gas. "So - since we're going for coffee, I thought we could go to this hidden gem just downtown."

Connor nods his head. He's not really the sort to go out for coffee, usually just makes it himself in the coffee machine, which is why he's left Markus to choose where they go. Which, granted, it makes him feel like he's being slightly lazy, since he suggested they go out for coffee in the first place, but Markus had assured him over text that it was fine.

“Sounds like a plan,” Connor says, shuffling in his chair to get more comfortable. “Wait, please don’t tell me you’re a hipster, looking to find the good places before they become _scene._ ”

Markus chuckles, shakes his head as they turn a corner. He says, “I’m not trying to find places before everyone else does, I just try to find places that are quiet.”

“Oh,” Connor says, “so, like – a quiet hipster, trying to find places before everyone else finds them.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Markus says. “You now know my teenage secret I tried to keep from everyone. I was a hipster when I was younger, a horrible phase, North never could get me out of it.”

Connor squints, turns so he’s watching the man. He takes in the curves of Markus’ jawline, takes a moment to look the man up and down. He’s wearing a cardigan, and dark black jeans… _when he was younger, my ass._

“Please,” Connor lets out a laugh, leans forward to poke Markus’ sleeve, “I think the evidence shows that you’re still, very much so, stuck in that phase.”

“Not all of us can just wear hoodies and leather jackets all the time.” Markus says, “It doesn’t look stylish on us.”

“There we are,” Connor says, letting out another laugh. “Style – ah, such a hipster. Are you _vain,_ Markus Manfred?”

“Oh,” Markus says, turning to look at him very quickly and offering a wink, “very.”

* * *

They park just down the block, pushing open their car doors and facing the windy street. It’s February, still freezing, especially now that they’re leaving the heated car behind.

How Markus is coping in just a fucking _cardigan_ as he leads them down the sidewalk, Connor doesn’t know. Feet crunching against snow, he can’t help but feel concerned.

“How aren’t you freezing right now?” Connor asks.

Markus turns to face him, smirks and says, “I am.”

Briefly, Connor wonders whether he should offer Markus his jacket. Then, he wonders whether he’ll be cold too, whether the hoodie he’s wearing underneath will be enough to shield himself from the cold.

Fuck it, he can be a gentleman sometimes.

“Do you uh,” Connor shouldn’t catch on his words, but he does. Markus turns to him, raises an eyebrow, “want my jacket?”

Markus flushes red, raises his hands and waves them in front of him. Connor resists the urge to laugh. God, this man is a mess.

“I–” Markus offers him a smile, bright yet nervous and thank god, Connor’s not the only one worried about messing things up on this date. “Thanks, but we’re almost there, and it’s warmer inside. But if the offer still stands later, then I’ll definitely steal it from you then.”

“It’ll still stand,” Connor says. "If you're cold, just let me know."

"I thought wearing leather made a person a bad boy," Markus says. He catches Connor's eye, smirks. "But you don't seem very bad at all."

Part of Connor wants to say that he can show Markus how bad he can be, but he restrains himself. Some things simply aren't appropriate for a coffee date, and this... this is one of them.

 _Listen brain,_ he warns himself, _we're taking things slow._

His subconscious winks at him and tells him that he very much so likes taking things slow and drawing them out. Inside he kicks himself, tells his subconscious that it needs to shut up.

"Connor?" Markus asks. He's still smiling, but his eyebrow is raised. Fuck, Connor needs to respond.

"I can be bad," Connor says, offering a smile back. "When I really want something. It's more a side effect of having a bike, than of wearing the leather though."

Markus trips on the curb, and Connor stifles his laugh, lifting a hand to his mouth and laughing behind it. The other man whirls to look at him, embarrassment flushed on his cheeks.

“You ride a bike?”

 _Among other things,_ Connor’s subconscious whispers.

“I don’t just wear my leathers for the aesthetic,” Connor laughs, “you’re the hipster here, not me. This is purely functional.”

Fingers held just centimetres apart, Markus says, “please, you know it’s at least a little bit because of the aesthetic.”

Connor would relent, admit that yeah, he looks good in leather and wears it to his advantage on dates, but where would the fun be in that?

“I’ll never tell,” he laughs.

Markus pouts, and then – his lips twist into something a little more devious, as he leans down, fidgeting with the lace of his boot. Connor waits for a moment, watches him for some sort of response, and then turns to look around the street when he receives none.

He’s not been in this area of town in a long time, and even then, it had only been because Daniel’s first apartment had been a few streets away. A lot has changed since then – there’s an arcade now, at the end of the street, some new shops and others that have been closed, signs left in the windows pending new buyers.

“I’ve got ways of making people talk.” Markus says, after a second, and Connor blinks, turns to look at him.

“Yeah?” He says and is pelted by a snowball. It crumbles against his arm, and Connor lets out a surprised laugh, shakes his head.

“Yeah.” Markus says, and he’s already preparing a second snowball.

Connor narrows his eyes, lips twisting upwards. It’s only a snowball fight, yes, but he’s always been competitive, adrenaline already pumping through his body because he always wins a fight.

“Oh,” Connor says, leaning down to scoop snow up into his own hands, applying enough pressure to create a ball. _“This means war.”_

Markus’ next shot is off, mainly because Connor jerks to the right at the last second, launching his own snowball towards Markus. It hits the man in the middle of his chest, catches him off guard.

Before he’s even gotten a chance to move forward, Connor launches another snowball, hitting Markus is the shoulder.

“How are you so good at snowball fights?” Markus breathes, as he throws another snow ball. It hits Connor’s thigh, and for a moment, Connor stops, if only to send a disappointed look across to the man.

“I’m a _triplet,”_ Connor says. “It was either learn to throw quick or have one of my brothers hit me in the face with a snowball that had been squeezed into ice.”

Markus winces at the idea, but Connor shrugs. His brother’s snowball fights never resulted in any particularly _bad_ injuries. Although – he does remember a snowball first back in college…

Oh. The casualties.

A smile creeps onto his face, almost vicious as Connor decides on his next course of action. One snowball – then another. Each time he reaches down to get more snow, he makes sure that he’s at least a step closer to Markus in the street.

“I’ll never let you win,” Markus says, when he realises that Connor is too near now. The man kicks out his leg, brings a bunch of snow up in a mist, and pushes himself up, standing.

Connor, as gracefully as he can, chooses now to pounce.

He jumps at Markus, swoops his leg down to get the man off balance and then pulls him backwards into a heap of snow. They fall together, creating a gush of snow that surrounds them.

It’s almost as if, for a moment, they’re stuck inside a snow globe, having shaken it hard and are now watching the snow fall.

Connor sticks his tongue out, a sore winner, he knows – but a winner all the same and practically sings, _“you lose!”_

Markus looks up at him, flushes. Connor flushes scarlet too, as he realises how close they are, closer than he'd expected to get, carried away by the snowballs and his own plans to win. Has he crossed some boundary they shouldn't have broken past yet...?

Beneath him, Markus shivers.

"Shit," Connor says now, eyes widening, "your cardigan, fuck. I didn't mean for it to get wet."

Markus grins up at him. He says, "I'm literally lying down in frozen water, what were you expecting to happen?"

He's not angry, Connor thinks he'd be able to tell that, but the man is cold, and that's something Connor can't allow. He pushes up slightly, still leaning over him, pinning him to the ground, but easily pushed away. He unzips his jacket, yanks on fabric with one hand as he pulls his arm from the sleeve.

"Here," Connor says. "Wear this."

Markus pushes himself up, peels his cardigan off and slips into Connor’s jacket. He’s a little bulkier than Connor is, but not by too much, and so the jacket seems to fit pretty well.

Connor has always liked wearing baggier clothes.

“Thanks,” Markus says, folding his cardigan over his arm. Then, smirking he says, “my trousers are wet too.”

Connor snorts, shakes his head and says, “so are mine. Man up, I already gave you my jacket.”

The other man laughs, pushes himself up and shrugs his shoulders, as if to say that it was worth a try. Then, he stands and holds his hand out to help Connor up.

“That’s fair.” Markus says, as Connor takes his hand. “Coffee?”

“I thought you don’t drink coffee?”

“I don’t.” Markus says, shakes his head. “But you do, and it’s easier to say just one instead of, wanna get tea and coffee now?”

Another snort, as Connor bumps the man’s shoulder with his own, shaking his head. He says, “That’s lazy.”

“It’s efficient,” Markus mutters. And then, pulling Connor forwards, still holding his hand he says, “come on, it’s this way!”

He doesn’t let go of his hand until they reach the coffee shop. Connor flushes – Markus’s hand is warm against his cold fingers.

Connor wouldn’t mind keeping hold of Markus’ hand like this forever.

* * *

“So,” Markus says after a while, after they’ve each gotten cups and are sat sipping at them in the corner of the coffee shop, “what do you think?”

Connor looks around. The coffee shop is low lit, feels almost like it was built during the prohibition, back in the twenties where the lights were low and the band crooned jazz for all the patrons.

He offers a smile, looks from light brown bricks and paintings with coffee beans and inspirational quotes on them, across to Markus. His smile is soft, and for a moment, he hides behind his own coffee cup, taking a sip.

The blend is like ecstasy for his taste buds.

“I like it,” Connor says. “Maybe there’s something in this hipster business that makes sense.”

Markus’ responding grin is the brightest thing in the room. He dips his head slightly, as if to protect Connor from the dazzle, but he’s still overwhelmed by the happiness the man has from his decision.

Connor sips more coffee.

“You chose a good place,” Connor says, if only to keep the man smiling a few seconds longer. “This is good coffee.”

“The tea’s good too.” Markus says, he turns his cup handle around, nudges it closer to Connor and says, “do you want to try?”

“I don’t really drink tea,” Connor says, feeling almost apologetic because of it. It’s not that he dislikes tea, some of them are good, really, but they can be overpowering, and he’s never really been interested in any of the herbal remedies people make up.

“Just a taste?” Markus says, although his tone is teasing, not forceful. Connor heaves out a sigh, keeps a smile on his face and offers a small nod. Then, lowering his own coffee, he picks up the cup, takes a small sip.

It tastes almost like someone’s mixed cinnamon and orange zest into the cup, the taste lingering on his tongue. Sweet, but spicy at the same time, a tea that is nice, but not something to drink quickly. It’s the type of drink that is sipped at, over conversation.

Connor thinks he understands why Markus picked it.

“It’s… zesty?”

He placed the cup back down near to Markus, shuffles on the stool he’d grabbed, and watches the man as he explains that it’s an orange spice tea, something his father – Carl – had brought back for him to try after a trip to Florida.

“It’s kind of a tradition of ours,” Markus says now. “Since I don’t travel with him as regularly since I moved out, Dad always brings back something from one of the tea shops for me to try. Even if they do sell it in little shops like this.”

Carl Manfred, the famous painter.

_The original Manfred hipster._

“You’ve travelled a lot?” Connor asks, and he prepares him for a list of places, but Markus only shrugs his shoulders.

“North always says I sound pretentious when I list them,” he says after a moment, as if realising that he’s being rude by not explaining. “But, yes. I’m lucky – I spent a lot of holidays travelling with my dad to his art exhibits. He’s very talented.”

Connor smiles.

“But you Connor.” Markus says, “Do you like travelling?”

A nod. Who doesn’t like exploring new things. Connor says as much. “I love it. I’ve only really been across America a few times, and then across the border to Canada though.”

Markus’ lips twist up. “The famous Canada trip.”

A small chuckle. Connor feels himself reddening at the memory. Thinking back on it always makes him laugh.

“We’re really curious about what happened in Canada.” Markus says, almost conspiratorially, like he’s telling Connor a secret, and not urging him to tell him one in response. “All of us at Jericho. We’ve tried getting it out of Daniel, but he won’t budge.”

Connor offers a half-smile. “Well.”

“A couple’s retreat gone wrong?” Markus throws for a guess, shoots, and completely misses the target. Connor shakes his head, let’s out a small laugh.

“I’ll tell you one day Markus,” he says, leaning forward to pat the man’s hand. “Just not right now. I haven’t even told my brothers.”

And that’s serious for him. Connor only ever keeps secrets of the utmost importance from both Nines and Caleb. He does not thrive off of misdirection and omissions of truth, mostly enjoys keeping himself an open book. But there are a few…

And this, _Canada,_ is one of them.

For the time being, anyway.

* * *

"Oh, I got us something," Markus says a little while later, as he comes back from the counter. Connor is curious – he really is – and offers a smile as Markus places down a small box of straws, and then, places down a milkshake.

That’s great – Connor loves milkshakes. And it's strawberry, too, - which is even better. He loves the taste of strawberries.

(To be fair, he loves most milkshake flavours, but strawberry is pretty much his favourite. Beside vanilla, of course.)

But then Markus sits, and Connor is left blinking. Slowly – almost confused – he says, "there's only one milkshake."

Markus looks at him almost as if like he's realised he’s talking to a toddler. Then, he nods slowly. Wide eyed, he says, "Well done. You can count."

"But - but there are two of us?"

A laugh this time – Markus’. Connor likes the sound of Markus laughing, even if it's slightly alarming because oh god, he's going to have to share a milkshake and no one ever likes sharing milkshakes, even if it's a very cute and romantic premise. Although, to be fair, Connor doesn't really like sharing anything food related at all. If it tastes good, he doesn't want to give it up.

"Yeah! One milkshake," Markus says, grabbing straws, one in each hand and stabbing them into the milkshake. "Two straws. You don't wanna do it?"

Fuck.

"You're gonna get more milkshake than me," Connor says, pouting. "You gotta promise you won't steal all the milkshake."

Markus huffs. Feigned dismay at the idea of not stealing the milkshake. Then, he winks and says, “You’ll just have to race me for it, then. Whoever gets the most, is the one who wins.”

Connor quirks an eyebrow. “Oh?”

And then, they both lean forward simultaneously, grinning, as they snatch up their individual straws. It’s almost as euphoric a flavour as the coffee, bursting with flavour. The milkshake has actual strawberries blended in with the ice cream and milk, and it certainly ranks high on Connor’s list of All-Time Favourite Milkshakes.

He’ll have to come back to this place again. Markus was right – it is a hidden gem.

Connor takes a moment to bring his hand forward, starts inching his hand towards the box of straws, moving slowly enough that he hopes Markus doesn’t catch sight of him. Then, his fingers reach out, managing to snag a single straw.

He lifts it up, slowly at first, and then all too quickly because he’s been spotted.

Markus moves back from his straw, jerking his hand out, just barely missing Connor as he flings the second straw into the milkshake. Connor smirks, and starts to drink the milkshake with two straws.

“Hey!” Markus yelps, “That’s _cheating!”_

Connor shrugs, carelessly.

“Okay, fine. Two can play that game.” Markus says. He grabs a fist-full of straws and throws them all into the milkshake. There must be at least ten, and Connor laughs, watching as Markus attempts to drink from all of them, before giving up and pushing the cup away.

Markus leans back. Milkshake drips from the edge of his chin.

 _You know what you need to do,_ Connor’s brain whispers. He whispers back that he understands.

“You’ve got, uh-” He can’t stop a small laugh, from escaping. “A bit of milkshake there.”

“Only a bit?” Markus asks, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. A lost opportunity, Connor knows. His subconscious is screaming at him for missing his chance. “I was aiming for a lot more than just a _bit.”_

“Yeah, well.” Connor grins. “You fucked up.”

* * *

Despite the internet’s belief that Connor still lives with his father – since many vlogs include him sleeping over at home, or lounging about with his family – Connor does, in fact, have his own apartment.

It’s on the other side of town to his brothers’ apartments, and his father’s house. The closest of all the apartments to the office. So, when he types the zip code address into Google maps on Markus’s phone, the drive back doesn’t take too long.

“Do you live in a fancy neighbourhood?” Markus asks while they drive, and Connor shakes his head _no,_ because really – the son of an infamous painter probably has very different ideas about what constitutes ‘ _fancy.’_

“Okay, but like, this seems fancy,” Markus says under his breath as they turn onto Connor’s street. His apartment building is near the end of the cul-de-sac, just on the right, and he carefully keeps an eye out for something distinguishable that he can point out for Markus to park by.

“It’s a nice neighbourhood.” Connor says, letting the ‘fancy’ part brush past his ears without a comment. Then, he leans forward and points. “See that red Impala. If you park up by it, then we’ll be just outside my apartment.”

Markus parks, pulls the handbrake up and turns to look at Connor now that they’re stationary. A soft smile curves his lip – content.

Connor’s heart starts to race in his chest. His subconscious tells him to forgo politeness and invite Markus up to his apartment.

Which… is an option he’d enjoy. But not one he wants to take, because, God, what would Markus think of him then?

“Thanks,” Connor says, before Markus can get any words out. “I really enjoyed your hipster place. I’d go again.”

Markus’s smile turns into a grin now, teasing. “Is that an invitation?”

Connor smirks. “Is that an invitation, for an invitation?”

“You’re cheating again,” Markus says, shaking his head. And then, with reddening cheeks, he states, “But it is, an invitation. I’d like to do something like this again.”

So, does Connor. He wants to have another snowball fight, he wants to drink more coffee and tea, he just wants to immerse himself in Markus. To bask in his charisma and enjoy talking to someone, who’s both easy to talk to, but leaves him stuttering from his own nervousness.

He doesn’t know how to say that though, doesn’t know how to express his words, so he just dips his head into a small nod for a moment, and says, “Be a gentleman and walk me to my door?”

Markus, proving to be exactly the gentleman everyone thinks he is, nods his head and pushes gets out of his car. Connor follows suit, stepping out onto the pavement and looking up towards the entrance to his apartment building.

The steps leading up to the entrance aren’t steep, are more like the cascading steps that would be seen on a patio, and he’s glad, because it doesn’t seem like he’s about to climb up them. Instead, it means that they can just stroll up to his front door and continue enjoying each other's presence for just a little while longer.

“Oh,” Markus says, as they step past the snow, reaching the bottom of the stairs. “Your jacket.”

Connor turns back to look at him, and for a moment, frozen and illuminated by the streetlights, Markus is just standing there, looking timeless, like something out of an old, faded photograph. Then, Connor blinks, and Markus is moving again, shrugging off Connor’s jacket and stepping closer to pass it back to him.

“Oh,” Connor says, “but now you’ll be cold.”

“It’s okay,” Markus says. “Thanks for letting me borrow it. I’ll make it up to you. Next time, I’ll let you steal one of my sweaters or something.”

Connor in a sweater…? It’s not really something he tends to wear, but, sure. Why not give it a go some day? If it’s not too tight fitting on him, he’ll probably like it.

“Yeah,” Connor says. “Make me look smart for a day.”

Markus lets out a laugh. He says, “I don’t think wearing my clothes will make you look smart. That’s what you have glasses for, right?”

They climb up the stairs. Connor pulls hanging off rails like he used to as a kid, leaning all his weight back on his heels before heaving himself up onto the next step. His father had hated it. Now, the metal is like ice against his skin. He considers, very briefly, about grabbing Markus’ hand with his now frozen own, now numb and frozen, to force him to suffer the cold, as well.

“Right,” Connor says, nodding. And then, all too soon, they’re standing by the door, and he’s turning back, feeling horrible that it’s had to come to an end. He turns back to face Markus, finally realising that his time together with Markus is over now. Heart sinking, he smiles. “This is me.”

“Yeah,” Markus breathes. Then, a dazzling smile breaks over his face, like a sunrise. “So, how was I? Did I successfully prove I could be smooth?”

Connor snorts, and hides his grin behind a hand as he tries to avoid Markus’ feigned wounded expression. Then, he says, “You proved to me that you’re a nerd. But – I guess you’re a little smooth, too.”

“Only a little?”

Connor lifts his fingers. He moves his pointer finger an inch away from his thumb and repeats, “Only a little.”

Markus grins. He almost starts to say something, but then pauses. Connor can see it on his face, the way his mind tells him to stop whatever he’s wanting to say, and he waits, expectant for Markus to gather his thoughts.

“Well,” Markus says, shifting from being easy to talk to, back into the nervous wreck he’d been when they’d met for their collaboration video. “I guess this is goodnight?”

No. Not yet.

 _Sorry, Markus,_ Connor thinks, _but the evening’s not over yet. You’ll have to bear with the cold for just a little while longer._

“Yeah, goodnight.” A pause, and then Connor takes a step down from the top step, lowering himself nearer towards Markus. “Hey – can I try something?”

Markus tilts his head. He says, “Sure, but wha–”

Connor cuts him off. Presses his lips to Markus’s and steals the breath right out of him. He kisses him softly at first, tender, like he’s not certain whether this is allowed, whether he’ll be pushed away.

When Markus makes no move to push him away, Connor brings his hands up, entwines them with Markus’, and shuffles forward. And then, a swimming giddiness rushes through his blood, electrifying him, because Markus is kissing him back – passionately, but not forcefully – evoking something he’s not felt in a long time.

Connor smiles against Markus’s lips.

And then, all too soon, they’re pulling back, Markus leaning his forehead against Connor’s. They stand together in silence, connected to one another through their hands, quiet and content.

And then, Markus’s voice. He says breathlessly, “Your hands are cold.”

“Sorry about that,” Connor whispers back. And then, somehow quieter: “Was that alright?”

“It’s more than alright,” Markus whispers. He squeezes Connor’s hands, closes his eyes for a moment and says, “Just when I thought you couldn’t make this date any better.”

They seem to make a unanimous decision then, to loosen their grip on each other, letting their fingers drop to their sides.

Connor says, “It’s best not to underestimate me, Markus.”

“I would never,” Markus breathes. And then, he smiles again. “If you stay out here, you’ll get a cold.”

Connor nods. It is cold out, and he’s only wearing his hoodie. Markus is literally stood just only his t-shirt, and the cardigan they’d managed to dry over the back of a radiator at the café. It’s freezing, and they don’t want to end the date by getting ill.

“Okay,” Connor says. “Goodnight, Markus.”

Markus tilts his head, lips tugging upwards. “Goodnight Connor.”

He pushes his key into the lock, turns the key and pushes open his door. Connor turns, and offers a small wave. Markus waves back, and then, Connor lets the door close. He leans back against it, closes his eyes and lets a small laugh escape his lips.

Helpless, he buries his head in his hands for a second, and then, turns to look outside one of the small windows. The corridor is quiet – too quiet – and he watches Markus as he slowly heads down the steps, back towards his car.

He watches him go and curses the way his heart drums against his ribcage, before flinging the door back open.

It hits the wall with a muffled bang that makes Markus jump, and he turns back to face Connor.

“Sorry,” Connor says, as Markus stares at him in confusion. “I just – I really want to kiss you again.”

Markus breathes, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Connor says.

And then he’s sprinting down the stairs, leaving the door to swing shut behind him inside. Markus reaches out and pulls him towards himself as soon as he has a good enough grip, with one hand wrapped around Connor’s waist, the other tipping his head up and–

And Connor thinks he knows what this is.

He closes his eyes, lets Markus take the lead this time, and tells himself not to analyse it until he’s back inside the apartment building. To lose himself in this moment just for a few seconds – a few minutes – longer.

But his mind supplies the explanation for him anyway.

It’s not love at first sight, or anything cheesy like that. Connor’s never been one to believe in things like that – but right now, he’s pretty sure he feels something similar. He feels familiarity.

 _Oh, hello,_ Connor’s subconscious murmurs. _It’s going to be you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, writing the date scene out to my vodkats: HEY WOULDN'T THIS BE CUTE-  
> Vodkats, as the chatroom devolves into screaming: YES IT WOULD BE.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like the fic. It made me giggle a lot. Leave a review if you want, I like reviews.
> 
> [Come talk to me on Tumblr!](http://mintchocolateleaves.tumblr.com/) Viva la feline revolution!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Date with Demise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15650208) by [laminatedroses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/laminatedroses/pseuds/laminatedroses)




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